My daughter has toilet-phobia!?!?!?

Question

Ok, this began about 2 months ago. Maybe a little earlier than that even. My 5 year old daughter has developed this insane fear of sitting on the toilet, claims it makes noises, and that it's gonna flush with her on it....BY ITSELF. She goes from calm to manic in approx. 3 seconds...complete with screaming crying, face turns purple from lack of breathing related to this, shaking --all because she will pull down her pants, make me go with her to the toilet, hop up on it, sit at the very edge of it to where if god forbid she actually did pee, it would shoot out on me....for about 2 secs, strains like she's having a BM and says "it won't come out mommy"....and attempts to hop off the toilet. When she has a BM, as soon as she feels that last little strain...to push out the poop( oh boy, what a subject) she attempts to hop off the toilet and makes the biggest MESS --it is horrible. I even took her to the ER and had her cathed over it....for retention. parauresis????

Answer 1

I don't know if you've done any of the things I'm going to suggest, so overlook my good intentions if you have:

It sounds to me like the whole bathroom issue has become such a horror for all involved its going to take some "starting clean" to deal with this (and I don't know if any of what I'll suggest might work, or if she's just got a real phobia that requires professional help).

First, I think you should have a nice, calm, understanding, conversation with her and ask her if the only thing she's worried about is the flushing. Tell her to think of everything she possibly can that may worry her or that she doesn't like about the toilet. Tell her, too, that one thing to change is to stop removing the clothes before she gets to the toilet (if that's what she's doing/what you wrote makes it look like she is). Aside from helping her to see herself more like, say, you when it comes to this; just this change and this simple "rule" may help interrupt her existing "routine". Talk calmly about how if she can't go she'll get sick and about how you want to help her not be scared any longer.

When she's not needing to go just have her come in with you to the bathroom. Take the top of the tank, and show her how it works. You could even try getting a bluing capsule and showing her how you'll be putting this blue thing in the tank and how once you flush she'll see the blue water go down into the toilet. Talk about how it doesn't flush unless you pull the handle, and talk about how once it flushes the tank is empty and refills - and that's why it sometimes makes noise. Show her the float and the stopper in the tank, and tell her how sometimes if the stopper "forgot to finish" after the last flush the tank may make a little tiny bit of noise for a minute. (I know this isn't accurate plumbing information, but she can figure out the real details when she's older.) (One of my toilets makes the occasion minor noise involved with a little something going on in the tank.)

Let her flush it and see how it works a couple of times. Show her how she needs to pull the handle in order to make the chain lift the stopper.

Tell her she never has to use self-flushing toilets unless she decides she doesn't mind them. (In another year or so she probably won't.)

Ask if the plumbing lesson helped at all, Ask her if it would help if you got a seat for young children (the potty seat for toddlers, but don't call it anything that means she's a baby) for you to put on top of the big seat for now.

Here's a situation I had with my three-year-old niece when she was staying over: She was a child who had trouble going. She got to the point where she wouldn't relax and just go, and then she'd hold it. Once she was staying at my house, and I knew this was about to become an issue. I asked her if she'd try, and I'd sit with her and look at a book. I had a magazine with a bunch of snowflakes in it, and I kept her mind on talking about the snowflakes ("Which one is your favorite. This is my favorite, but I do like this one", etc. etc.) non-stop. I kept wondering how long I'd have to think up stuff to keep saying about the pictures, and after a while I said, "So how's it going?" She calmly said, "I went."
This from a little kid who was in the habit of being irregular and crying and being upset, etc.

Maybe if you can get your little girl to agree to sit (with or without a child-seat on the toilet) while the two of you look at some picture book (that has a lot of pictures in it all on one page, so it will keep her mind busiest) it will help her to stop associating sitting on the toilet with horror and start her associating it with sitting calmly and just letting Nature take its course uneventfully.

If all else fails and you have to go to a potty for another while it wouldn't be the end of the world. Kids go through phases and pass through them on their own much of the time.

Another thought: Is there a chance the toilet isn't always sparkling clean? Some little kids know they can temporarily dip in and are worried about it not looking cleaning enough.

Finally, is there any chance she also may need Colace or some other stool softener? Maybe if less straining were involved it would seem less intimidating? Maybe she's blending the need to strain and the fear of flushing and the tension of needing to hold herself up on the seat into one big, uncomfortable, hard-to-deal-with thing?


P.S: If you makes you feel any better my little girl would, for some reason, start running all through the house when she'd start to vomit!! It was lovely.

Answer 2

This Site Might Help You.

RE:
My daughter has toilet-phobia!?!?!?
Ok, this began about 2 months ago. Maybe a little earlier than that even. My 5 year old daughter has developed this insane fear of sitting on the toilet, claims it makes noises, and that it's gonna flush with her on it....BY ITSELF. She goes from calm to manic in approx. 3 seconds...complete...

Answer 3

That must have been upsetting for her. Get her a potty and start again? Let her watch you on the toilet and see that its ok? Something must have started this-you need to try to find out what made her so afraid. She needs to relax though and the more stressed you get over it, the more she will clech her muscles at the time. Maybe if she goes on a pot she can flush it down the loo herself with the lid closed-maybe that would help.

Answer 4

Toilet Phobia

Answer 5

WOW THIS IS LIKE DEJA VU!!!

my little cousin(6 yo girl) has the EXACT same problem!!! its kinda funny, except when other people have to flush the toilet for her and she runs out of the bathroom screaming... in which case everyone stares. she is also a bit claustrophobic(sp?) so either the door to the stall has to be open halfway, or she has to go in the really big stall...

i have no idea what to do about it, but I just wanted you to know you arent alone!!! you can send me a message if you want...

Answer 6

mine too!!! My daughter was terrified because the toilets they have at walmart flush on there own. it scared her so bad that she will not go on any other toilet exept the ones that you can flush. She also has to cover her ears when they toilet flushes. My doctor told me that alot of people have fears. But our kids have a fear of the toilet.

http://www.unusualphobias.com/toilets.html

I can not find the exact termonology. Sorry

Answer 7

i have this problem with my three year old everywhere but home. he goes fine at home. i think alot of the trouble is those autoflush toilets they scare kids. start again with her. see if you can check the bathrooms at school and show her they arent scary

Answer 8

Go to wal-mart and buy one of those "adapt a potty" seats it smaller on their butts and might make her feel more secure on the seat. The smaller the hole, the less likely she'll fall in.

Answer 9

i know this sounds terrible. but catch her off gaurd and put her in the toilet. maker see that it is physicaly impossible that she could be flushed away.

Answer 10

Just spank her if she won't go. You're an adult and you must tell her you won't put up with this nonsense. She'll straighten out real quick.