Deny my father access to his first grandchild?

Question

Naturally a long story,but my mother & father divorced when I was 4 & he had very little contact with us growing up. He didn't pay child support & my mother had to raise 2 kids on her own & we struggled. Now that my brother & I are grown adults, our father is trying to get back into our lives. My brother is more forgiving than I am & occasionally talks to him. I don't want anything to do with him. I'm due to give birth to what will be the first grandchild in April 2007 & really don't even want to tell my father that I'm pregnant, but I'm sure he'll find out along the grapevine. Why does he figure that now HE'S ready to be a father that we should just drop everything & let him? He wasn't there in the years when you need a father & we grew up very poor. Kids from his second marriage got everything. I don't think my father deserves the joy that a grandchild would bring. I suppose that's his punishment, but isn't that fair? This baby will have my husband's father as a grandfather.

My mother has never tried to turn me or my brother against my father in ANY way. She's way too sweet. We knew that dad never paid support because we struggled BIG time. Dad treated us to McDonalds occasionally. Wow, what a great father ;)

Answer 1

IF he has money, and IF he is willing to produce a NON BREAKABLE trust fund for your child, go for it...money is money, and that should be the price of ownership to the title, Grandfather! Set the rate for selling the rights, and set it to cover your child's college costs...do the kid a favor and all will be right. Get the child support he didn't give your mother...let her know what you are doing, she will be tickled..bet on it. You are going to get nothing from this dead beat, so try to get something for your child. Good luck All of these holier than thou answers put nothing in your kids pocket. He didn't do right by your mom, he will not do right by you or your kid if YOU don't make him do it.

Answer 2

You are selfish,plain and simple.I grew up just as you did in the same type of circumstance and guess what my father has turned out to be the best grandfather in the world.Im sure all youknow is your moms side of the story.If your mom had your best interest at heart why did she share her feelings with you about your father such as the support issues?You only get one father,open up and learn from what you went through.Do not punish your father or especially your child for past problems.You will show who is the real person is here.No matter what anyone says we need everyone we can in life that loves us.This includes your father.You cant forget the past but you must forgive.Be better for what youve been through not bitter.

Answer 3

You only have one mum and one dad. They are humans and sometimes they stuff up. No one knows whats around the corner in their lives. My dad left us when my youngest brother was 7 weeks old. There were 5 of us. We had no money either and lost our house. Eventually our furniture got sold bit by bit to buy food. I couldnt begin to describe the terrible poverty we experienced, and the heartbreak our mum endured. The outcome......my father is so riddled with guilt. That's his punishment. One of my brothers wont speak to him, but his kids are missing out on a pop. The rest of our kids love dads interesting stories and he does have a lot of love to give. Remember, no one can undo what they have done. If only we could! Don;t deny your kids a poppy, just because you want to hurt your dad back. Life is too short.

Answer 4

If you don't allow your father to see his grandchild then all you are doing is teaching your child that it is right to hold grudges and inflict pain on others. You are simply repeating the pain that was inflicted on you. Revenge? Perhaps that's one of the main problems we have in the world today.
Sometimes you just have to be the bigger person and show that you will do the right thing even though it is not easy.
Think how your child will feel in later years when they discover that you denied them their other grandfather.
I hope you make the right decision - and good luck with the baby. I hope everything works out well for you all.

Answer 5

Its never too late to make amends if his intentions are good and youve allowed some time for trust. Allow him visits with you and your child and limit the time..in your home only. Tell him, do you mind leaving now Im going to take a nap with the baby...something like that and be pleasant. Say, call me later and yadda yadda. Youre the mom, you call the shots. Be a good protective mom and teach your dad how to be a good parent!

Answer 6

well i think you should let him not to much though but just maybe he has changed but get to know him a little be like your brother and talk to him occasionally and maybe he doesnt have the joy of being a grand father but i think that being a grand father is almost the same as being a father same amount of work and stuff its just that you are not fully responsible for this child

Answer 7

I would not bother to tell him. People think blood gives them some right to do whatever they like to their relatives. If some friend treated you badly or ignored you for years you wouldn't let them back in. He can not make up to you all that is lost by being a granddad. He gave the right up years ago.

Answer 8

It's up to you. If he finds out you're pregnant, tell him you don't want your child to get attached to people who dissappear. Many states do not have a statute of limitations on child support. Have you mother take him back to court.

Answer 9

Babies can never be loved too much. Let your Dad into your baby's life. If you don't want to think of it as doing something good for your Dad, then don't. Think of it as doing something good for your baby.
By the way, congratulations!

Answer 10

Yes. Please do...I think it's wonderful if he wants to be a part of you and your childs' life. Don't hold a grudge and let go of the hurt, anger, and hate in your life and don't let your child miss out on another person to love. We ALL make mistakes in our lives and who knows...it may prove to be a wonderful new beginning for you and your child.