2006-09-28 13:07:55 · 20 answers · asked by MS.KNOW IT ALL 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem.
"The good news is I can cure your headaches... The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, his mind was clear, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He walked past a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need: a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."
The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long."
Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job."
Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"
Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure..."
The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see... 34 sleeve and... 16 and a half neck."
Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job."
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?"
Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure..."
The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see... 9-1/2... E."
Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job."
Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about a new hat?"
Without hesitating, Joe said, "Sure..."
The salesman eyed Joe's head and said, "Let's see... 7-5/8."
Joe was incredulous, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job."
The hat fit perfectly. Joe was feeling great, when the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"
Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure..."
The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see... size 36."
Joe laughed, "No, I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. It would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
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2006-09-28 13:33:14 · answer #1 · answered by summerbrze 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
ok i got two jokes for u and their both here. heres the firts one. their both blonde jokes and i mean no offense what so ever. i have lots of blonde frineds and family and i used ot be blonde.
a blonde is walking her two very large rottweilers down the stret when a man stops to pet them. they strike up a conversation bout animals when finally the mans asks "what are their names?" the blonde replies sweetly "Rolex and Luminox" the man looks at her puzzled and asks politely "why would you name them that?" the blonde then says "Duh silly!!! Theyre watch dogs!!!!"
ok here sthe second one. LOL!!!
a brunette is driving down the road looking for a bull to buy her blonde sister so they can continue the ranch they own. the brunnette and $600 to spend and she buys a bull but it was $599 so now she only has $1 left. she leaves the bull there until she can find a way to tell her sister to get the trailer hooked up to the truck and come pick up the bull. she goes to the telegram office and it costs 99 cents to send each word. she tells the clerk her problem and he asks "what r u gonna do?" she thinks 4 a minute then smirks and says "im gonna send the word comfortable" the clerk is shocked!!! he asks "now how is ur sis gonna no 2 hook up the trailer to the truck and come pick up that bull?" the brunnette replys simply "my sister is blonde and this is abog word 4 her. shell hafta to sound it out. COM-FOR-DA-BUL"
i laughed forever on this one. ill post it again as one of my own questions later. enjoy and i hope it brightend your day!!!! :)
2006-09-28 22:36:16 · answer #2 · answered by Minnie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Teacher: If you had a dollar and asked your father for a dollar how much money would you have?
Student: A dollar
Teacher: You don't know your maths
Syudent: You don't know my dad
I Love these Jokes!!!!!!
Teacher: Billy stop making stupid faces at other students
Billy: Why?
Teacher: Well when I was your age I was told that my face would stay that way!
Billy: Well I see you didn't listen.
2006-09-29 00:59:34 · answer #3 · answered by KrystalKlear 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
okay i really like this one
a panda is eating at a restaurant. the waiter comes to give him the bill but the panda pulls out his gun and takes a couple of shots. then he leaves.
the next day at court the judge asks what the panda is guilty of and the lawyer says "of being what he is" the judge asks why and the lawyer tells him to look PANDA up in the dictionary. what the dictionary says is ASIAN BEAR, EATS SHOOTS AND LEAVES
Get it? I don't know if you do but i really like that joke.
2006-09-28 20:20:48 · answer #4 · answered by roxypanther5 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I love this one, so here you go....
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; He decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.
They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.
The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too."
Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing.
Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be.
The guy calms down and says: " Make 'em all ugly again."
2006-09-28 20:12:10 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
A guy walks into work Monday morning with a black eye. His boss asks how the guy got the shiner.
"It's like this. I was in church yesterday. When we stood up, I noticed the lady in front of me. The back of he dress was caught in the crack of her behind. Impulsively, I tugged on it to pull it out for her and that's when she turned around and slugged me."
The next Monday morning, the same guy comes into work and his other eye is blackened. Naturally, his boss asked about this one.
"It's like this. I was at church yesterday and the same woman as last week was in front of me. I remembered how upset she was when I pulled the dress out of her crack so I decided to put things right and tuck it back in for her."
2006-09-28 20:14:35 · answer #6 · answered by thezaylady 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did you know that 5/3 of the world is bad at math?
2006-09-28 20:22:16 · answer #7 · answered by ♫ sf_ca ღ 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were running away from the cops because they did something bad and they find a barn. they looked for places to hide inside and they see some brown sacs so they go hide in them. the cops come in and they see the sacs. they see the first one that is hiding the brunette and they hit it and they a hear a "roof roof" sound and they say : "oh its just some puppies". then they go to the sac with the redhead in it and they hit it and they hear "meow, meow"...."oh its just some kittens". and then they go to the sac with a blonde in it and they hit and they hear "potatoes!"
2006-09-28 20:17:03 · answer #8 · answered by Julie 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
When you are 50, getting lucky means finding your car in the parking lot. An all nighter means you didn't have to get up to pee.
2006-09-28 20:13:08 · answer #9 · answered by kurticus1024 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Here, throw this at somebody.
Hey. I defended you the other day. Somebody said you were a wit and I told them they were half right.
2006-09-28 20:11:14 · answer #10 · answered by vanamont7 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋