I wrote this today, in about ten or seven minutes, and I'm twelve and in seventh grade.
Look into your heart.
See all the darkness and hate within?
Look into your heart, and
Think, think.
Look into your soul.
See all the wrong you have done?
Look into your soul, and
Think, think.
If the heart nor the soul
Makes us good and sweet,
Nor horrid and evil,
What does?
Think, think.
Our mind!
There is no such thing
As a hard heart, or
An unclean soul.
Look into your mind and
Think, think.
Look into your mind.
See all the horrible things you have done?
They were not from your hard heart,
Nor your unclean soul.
They were from your own decisions.
So next time,
Look into your mind and
Think, think.
Could some people tell me what they really think about this, or give me some constructive critisism, or tips? Thank you!
2006-09-28 12:57:26 · 2 answers · asked by Supernova 4 in Education & Reference ➔ Other - Education
It's not bad! I like the message. The only thing I don't really like is that it has an accusatory tone - you're chewing out the reader. I wonder if you could re-work it somehow so that the reader can be on your side. Like "how do WE get THEM to use their minds". I'm not a poet, so I really can't re-work it myself, but you've got a way with words; I bet you could do it.
2006-09-28 14:45:19 · answer #1 · answered by AZKludgeQueen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its good. poetry should be about what you feel within and there is no wrong way of writing it. so for anyone to say anything about your poem would be wrong because you wrote it you know what you wanted to say and you did.
2006-09-28 20:01:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋