My brother in law is 14 years old. What bothers me is the way he picks my son up. He always pick him up with my son's buttocks resting against his crotch. He will walk a few steps and then put him down. When I confronted my mother-in-law with my concerns she said because he has back problems and isn't very strong, that is the way he has to pick him up. When he puts him on his lap its never on his knee or thighs. My son's buttocks are always centered on his crotch. The entire time he visits, he is playing with my son. Am I being over protective? Are these things innocent and I'm seeing something that isn't there?
2006-09-28 12:37:07 · 34 answers · asked by shadowboxer78 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
That is very interesting. Just keep a watchful eye.
2006-10-01 08:20:05 · answer #1 · answered by Casey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can´t understand some Reactions here.Some People Write here that you should talk with your sister,or "if you think he is Pervert...".
Hey have you ever re-thing what you Wrote here ?!?!
Have you re thing what happen, when the Mother is going to here Sister an say your son try to abuse my kid ?!
Or going to the cancelor ?!
Then you can straight get you Car and Drive the 14 y.o to the next Jail ! Why ? Because that is the Next what happen,if you inform the Cancelor !!
I don´t know who is more Pervert,the 14 y.o or the People who are so Overprotected,that only the smallest sign ONLY CAN BE "Molesting or Abuse".
I understand that Child must (!!)be Protected and that is good so,but what if the 14 y.o only playing around with the Toddler nothing more in the background ?
Have anybody think ,that a false Molesting accusation can Destroy the Life of the 14 y.o. ??
We had here an Case in Germany where in Worms (a Town in Western Germany),where a Group of Adults where sued for Molesting their Kids...
Wrong Consultant and unable one authorities destroy 5 Family's.
None of the authorities have apologise for the wrong accusation.The people not get even a Cent for all.Only for those who was in Jail.(About 12 Dollar a day,Food must also be paid from that !!).And all People where Innocently. But they have lost all...Friends...Job...ect.
I hope also that there is no more than Playing,i would keep an Eye on them and also don´t let them alone.You can ask CAREFULLY why he get the Toddler all times on his Crotch.You are the Mother you can say, you don´t want that,then he must let it be.
So don´t Overreact but keep an good eye on it.
Greez Jester
2006-09-30 17:48:06 · answer #2 · answered by Jester 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think as a mother you can turn off these thoughts. I personally don't trust anyone outside of my mother, sister, or husband. I've known too many families where the least expected has done the molesting.
I would just always make sure to be present when they are horsing around. You don't need to explain yourself to anyone. He's your son... and you have every right to do what's best for him. If at any time you see something inappropriate, then you'll know what to do. It could be that it's all harmless... but one can never be too sure. I always say... a mother's gut always knows!
By the way... have you seen him with other little boys? You may want to see how he is with others so you can better judge the situation.
Good luck... I hope it's only paranoia... I'd like to believe that people are generally good and pure at heart.
2006-09-28 16:48:38 · answer #3 · answered by VixenMom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be innocent ... or it might not be. But one thing's for sure: until your son is quite a bit older, you have the responsibility for looking out for him, and that means that if a situation doesn't seem quite right to you, you have to listen to your instincts.
As others have suggested, I would definitely not leave your son alone with your brother-in-law. In fact, I would not leave him alone with your brother-in-law and mother-in-law, because your mother-in-law may simply not be able to see it or admit it if things aren't quite right.
And, um, I'm sorry to be frank, but it might be enlightening to have a look at your brother-in-law's crotch area after he's held your son to see if he's found the experience "stimulating". I don't know if there's some way to carefully ask your son about whether things felt funny in that region - the problem is, kids can be very suggestible. (Entire child molestation trials have failed or succeeded based on how kids were interviewed!)
Does your husband have an opinion about all of this, or is this one of those topics that people disagree about so badly that they can't discuss it anymore? I'd hope he'd know a little more about the "bad back" situation.
It probably wouldn't hurt to become familiar with the signs of child molestation. (Links below.) If you start seeing any of these signs, you may want to take your son to a pediatrician and explain your concerns. Pediatricians typically know where to go from there, or can refer you to a child psychologist. (Be forewarned, though, pediatricians are required to report suspected cases of child sexual abuse to the police.)
Hopefully nothing sinister is going on and your brother-in-law is merely unusually affectionate for his age with bad posture to boot. But even if that's the case, it's good you're alert.
2006-09-28 13:02:16 · answer #4 · answered by IrritableMom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that maybe you are over reacting. Just to be on the safe side, maybe you should monitor them and never leave them alone. Rationally, the boy is 14. He is probably scared to hurt the baby so he cradles him close to his body. I'm sure he will change his ways once he gets used to handling a child. Why not suggest how to hold him or carry him without offending him. Say something like " I've found that_____ will kill my back if I carry him like that, why not try this way (and show him how to carry a baby) Then when he holds the baby, tell him hey he likes to play horsey ride and ride on your knee (then show him how to out him on one leg)." I'm sure it's probably just innocent but educateing him without offending him will help both people, you and him, feel more comfortable with him around the baby.
2006-09-28 14:04:34 · answer #5 · answered by DispatchGirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it was me I would very nicely talk to my brother-and-law and asked himabout it . First off he may not know that he is doing it.
2) If he does know it then I would tell him that it is making me uneasy and please to stop 3) If he tells me it is because of back problems then I would suggest he not pick him up because it could cause worse problems. If that did't stop it then I would tell your husband and asked what he thinks. Hop this help Iknow this is a little stright forward but that is just the way I am I don't beat around the bush about my kids.
2006-09-28 15:07:38 · answer #6 · answered by dac39jjc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, I have no real experience with this. However, has he been around a lot of kids? Maybe he just doesn't know how to pick him up. How to hold him. If he has back problems then he shouldn't pick him up at all.
I think every one is a little over protective with their kids.
With this though, It could go either way.
If you feel that strong about this, tell him you would prefer for him not to pick up your son.
2006-09-28 12:44:24 · answer #7 · answered by tnmomof2as 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would confront i would be like i know that i maybe blowing this out but when it comes to your kids safety i would never play. I would be like ok i don't feel comfortable with the way you carry him and it maybe the only way you can pick him up but if you can't pick them up normally than don't at all. Because if your son grows up thinking that's ok than what if he were in a real situation and thought it would be ok.
2006-09-28 16:30:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say harmless but if it bothers you then talk to the boy about it or make suggestions like your son likes to sit on his knee and play horse or something like that and if you are still concerned dont leave them alone together and things will be ok I am sure good luck
2006-09-28 12:43:53 · answer #9 · answered by LaceyandSamsmamma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds a little uncomfortable to me. He might not even realize it and it just playing with him harmlessly but keep an eye on him because I have learned that trying to pass some things off as innocent have turned out to be not so innocent. Try to limit the time he plays with him.
2006-09-28 12:46:16 · answer #10 · answered by reallyfedup 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your 3-year-old. Re-enforce that any touching that makes him uncomfortable is bad. (No one should touch his private area) And make it clear that it is always ok to tell mommy if someone is hurting him. You would be amazed at what a 3-year-old can understand. Also let him know that it's not Ok from anyone, friend, family, or stranger.
Besides if his back is bad why is he lifting a 30 - 40 Lb child?
2006-09-28 12:54:30 · answer #11 · answered by D J 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋