Need serious advice about my 13 yr old daughter~?

Question

My 13 year old daughter is beautiful and looks 18 (no joke). she has been 'going out' with a 14 year old for 6 months now. Whenever he is over and they are in her room (at times even out in the living room) I walk in and they are kissing, lying together. I want to believe her when she says they aren't having sex but I am just so afraid. She is very sensitive and I'm afraid if I tell her she can't see him she will do something to hurt herself. It's not that I don't like him, but he's been called 'trouble' before. His home life is terrible. I want to handle it the right way but am afraid. She is painfully shy about some things. She won't eat in front of anyone because she's embarrassed. (if she eats at lunch she will eat in the bathroom!) She won't even blow her nose in class cause she doesn't want anyone to notice. But then she loves all the attn from boys. I know 8th grade is awkward, but as her mother something just doesn't feel right. I really appreciate any advice you can give.

Answer 1

I would sit down with her and talk to her and let her know that you trust her and if you hope if she wanted to take the next step in any relationship that you are able to be there for her and talk to her about it and I would tell her well ask her how does she feel if someone wanted to pressure her for sex and what would she do she may be embarrassed but tell her that you love her as my mom sat down with us girls and explain to us how she felt my sister is like your daughter when she was 13 guys thought she was 17 and my dad sat with her and my mom sat with her and talked to her as embarrassed as she was she knew that my mom and dad were being honest so be honest too and go from there good luck to you what a caring parent you are to your child .

Answer 2

You ,say that your Daughter is13 yrs.old but, looks like an 18 yr. old. And she has been going out with a 14yr.old guy. What I perceive in your daughter's behavior is that her hormones are going full blast since her body looks older than she is.You say that she is very sensitive so is that the reason that you don't put your foot down, as the saying goes in giving her some rules that she has to abide? I am a mother of five girls the first four were no problem to me they had rules at home and they always respected that, but the youngest was double trouble to me, I always had to check on her at school to see if she was there because she was the rebellious type and boys were always finding ways to be with her. but I always have been a protective mother, and I never let her out of my sight. I gave a sight of relief when she got married to a wonderful guy. Please have a talk with your daughter and tell her that you believe what she tells you about her relationship with this boy, but that you are scared because sometimes before you know it emotions get out of hand. that you trust her but, you do not trust this guy. I hope that all goes well with you and your daughter.

Answer 3

Hey Mom...unless you have not got a problem with possibly becoming a Grandma at approximately 34 years old (I am assuming she is your oldest and that you had her at approx. age 20) then you had better take another look at whose name is listed under "Mothers Name" on her Birth Certificate.
Then, the next time I walked in on this situation, I would all but politely tell the boy to please repel his tongue from her tonsils and move quickly but quietly towards the door and that when and if he can restrain himself the next time..he can return...if not....adios!
If she gets upset and threatens to do bodily harm to herself...offer to call your local Mental Health facility and ask them to hold open a room for her. If she threatens to run away from home...volunteer to open the door for her.
Sure, it sounds rough,but it is called Tough Love and it is harder on you than it is on her. She will be shocked at first that 'how could you do this'....but when she sees that you are not ready to settle into the grandma role....and that when she is 16 and can act as a responsible respectful teen...she can begin dating.
Until then, she is not old enough to be "going out" with anyone...especially in her bedroom or even in the living room in that position.
It sounds like she is experiencing alot of personal self esteem issues and I am wondering if this is not one of them that is going terribly wrong. She may need to talk to a therapist (no, it is not a dirty word!) or a counselor, or just another trusted adult of her choosing (if she doesn't trust them...she won't be honest with them) and find out if she is having some issues about perhaps looking older than she is and feeling as if she has to live up to that image to the boys. There could be a number of things that she is dealing with that have nothing to do with her having sex or anything...but she is too young to be behaving this way, and especially dirsrespecting your home with these actions.
Good Luck!!!

Answer 4

As a parent we always want whats best - this sounds like the first boyfriend - or the first one you are aware of? is this your fear that shes getting too involved with boys or just this one in particular? Its a tough one but I know if you get heavy on her you run the risk of her turning against you, if shes telling you there not having sex then you have to go with this one for now as if you keep asking she may feel you dont trust her and shes already quite unsure of things as you mention she hides away for certain things - just watch the situation and be there for her - if shes embarrased about so many things maybe when the time comes for sex she may not be ready anyway, hopefully shes at that age when they get bored quick and she may move on away from this boy soon.

Answer 5

I have a 13 yr old daughter that looks a little older than she should. Good genes I suppose, but I have to put restrictions on her. She wants to date, but I say absolutely not until at least the age of 16 and it's not a promise that I won't be with her on her first date. Peer pressure is one of the most horrific things that a child of that age has to deal with. Talk to your daughter quickly. Her shyness may stop her from saying no to peer pressure. NEVER BE AFRAID OF DEALING WITH YOUR CHILDREN. THAT'S WHATS WRONG WITH KIDS TODAY. PEOPLE ARE SCARED OF THE RESULTS IF THEY ARE ACTUALLY A PART OF THEIR KIDS LIVES. 8th grade is not going to be the only awkward year of her life. Do something now. Don't wait till something happens that cannot be fixed. Good Luck!!!

Answer 6

if she's not already sexually active she will be soon. tell her that they can no longer hang out in her room if she can't behave like a lady and be respectful of your home and your rules you might also tell her about a time when you were used by a male and let her know how bad it can hurt that's all most boys at that age want anyways. which is sad to say because of the age. does she have a male role model? maybe you should try some counseling to try to boost her self esteem

Answer 7

At 13 I would not allow her to be in her room with a boy. If he wants to come over that is fine, but always in the family room..and give her no reason to think they wil have any privacy. Do not sit there the whole time, but make yourself seen. Talk to her about approiate behavior with boys and tell her that boys will be boys and alot of times tell everything they know and often embellish the truth. Tell her to give no reason for the other boys to think she is not a "lady"

Answer 8

Oh boy,I know exactly where you are coming from,daughter is the same age and knock out gorgeous,13 is just to young though,mine had a boyfriend over and I walked in on the same thing,it sure didnt take long for this young man to understand that if he truely enjoyed the company of my daughter that he better clean up his act and fast,and he respected my daughter enough to do just what I had asked,a kiss good night-fine,laying around and all that crap,no way.I truely believe you better put your foot down now,look at it this way,if you dont and take a little flack now,later you could be trying to solve a whole lot more worse problems.Demand respect for your daughter,mine was to shy as well and therefore I had to do it for her and I will continue to do so until she is 18.Yes it may sound a little strict,actually I am not,I allow them the freedom they need as long as it doesnt end of ruin their life,it is up to us as a mother to protect,guide and love our children,dont feel bad about what you need to do and I truely think deep down you know you need to do something about this and soon.Best of luck to you and your daughter

Answer 9

Why is she dating at 13?

Answer 10

She needs counseling fast. That's not normal to be so shy, and to want attention from boys is only going to be trouble. There's more going on than you think with her because this behavior is crying for help.