Single mom needs some advice?

Question

I am a single mother who works 40 hours a week. I also have about a 20 to 30 minuet commute to work, (I just moved into a nicer home and a better neighborhood to raise my daughter). Lately I have not been able to spend much time with my 13 month old due to the change and I have been stuggling with feelings of guilt. I feel that others are raising my little girl and all I do is make the money, and keep our home up and running. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to make the little time I have with my baby "count" even more?

Answer 1

I COMPLETELY understand how you feel!! I am a single mom to 9 month old twins and I feel like I am constantly on the go. The one thing that I do is when I get home I devote all of my time to them until they go to bed (usually 8:30) and then do anything else I need to do....laundry, bills, picking up, etc. I am fortunate enough to live with my sister and we share the bills and a lot of the household responsibilities. One of the nice things is that I am a terrible cook (well, I'm OK but I don't really like to, although that will change as the babies get older!!) but she likes to cook, so she makes dinner most of the time.
I usually find that even though I have that hour and a half at night before I go to bed, I manage to get quite a bit done and still have some TV or reading time for myself. I also do a lot of that stuff on the weekends when they are napping. I try to do as much with them as possible, even if it is having them in their high chairs in the kitchen as I put dishes away or something. I talk to them allllll the time so that they listen and hear my voice.
My main thing is that if they want to snuggle with me, I drop what I'm doing and snuggle them, even if it's only for a couple of minutes. I give in to them on that one every time!!!!!!
Feel free to email me if you want!!!

Answer 2

I am also a single mother of a four year old little boy and I also work 40+ hours a week. I know it is rough especially at the beginning but things do get better. You are the provider of your daughter and really you have to do whatever it takes to provide for her. Even though it's not easy..this is life. When I was feeling the guilt of not seeing my son I would make it so much a point to include him in everything I did..whether it be laundry,dishes,or giving him a bath he was there to help he loved it(the daily chores at home can also keep you from your kids.that's why you include them). Good luck and enjoy the time you do have!!! :-)

Answer 3

You are a good mother, it's very natural to struggle with guilt feelings, however I'll tell you a little secret: you probably will always worry over something, that's just part of being a mom. Try to relax a little and know that you should not feel guilt over what is necessary to take care of you and your child. Spend quality time, play a little game, read books at bedtime,ect. but remember if you are stressed out and worried the baby will sense it. Always tell baby you love them, and find something special that only you two do together.

Answer 4

There are a great many more hours in the week than 40. Plus you get 2 days off. Use the time you have. I was a single mother with a great many more challenges than you listed and I did a great job because I used the time available. When the child is very young just cuddle with her at night and reassure her. When she is older, give her your undivided attention when you are not at work. Listen to her and talk frankly. That's what friends do.

Answer 5

Have a special time set aside everyday for you and her for maybe two hours. Play a game with her, go on a walk, go feed the ducks at the pond. Maybe read her a story book on a camcorder and put it in DVD for her to see during the day time. Is there any way for you to maybe cut back an hour of work everyother day to spend more time with her? Maybe suggest an in facility day care to your supervisor so you can see her everyday. Just make the most of the time you do spend with her and don't feel guilty. You are providing for your daughter. You are a good mother.

Answer 6

Barbra Walters was saying on The View the other day that she couldn't spend all the time with her daughter that she wanted to either and so they started taking baths together to spend more time together. I think that this would be OK to do at the age that daughter is now. Also maybe if you changed to a sitter that is closer to work you would be able to spend more time together in the car.
But over all just make sure that the time that you 2 do have together is spent together.

Answer 7

well done you for wanting something better. It does get easier as they get older..but for now..do not feel guilty..just make the most of the time you do have together, and be patient with her..try cuddling in a comfortable armchair or sofa and read a story, notice the pictures and point things out to her..this for her will end being her comfy zone,,and she will remember it...as she then gets older...she could choose from which book she wants a story from...try giving her a bath first, then her bottle, talk softly to her, tell her the day you have had...its like a story is'nt it?..it will help you relax therefore relaxing her..to be safe in mummys arms..children like to be spoken to, not at, as she grows tell her where you are going,and why, tell her what you can do together when you come back..never lie..you will get caught out if you do...keep things simple...if your doing something in the kitchen tell her where you are and say what you are doing.....eg....mummy's thirsty, I think I'll have a cuppa,would you like a drink darling?... try not to be negative...she can pick up on that and become anxious and cry, and you want each moment to be precious, so be logical and be consistant with routines.......personally i think there is never a bad child...its up to us as parents to have routines, boundrys and copious helpings of unconditional love.

Answer 8

You have to do what you have to do. Give her all your time on the weekends and do your things during nap time or her breaks of playing, It will all work out in the future she will appreciate you more. When you play with her make it only you and her time make big deals about things. Read, park, zoo, beach, or even your house no tv just all your attention on her. Good Luck at least your doing all this for a good reason

Answer 9

Praying for you. Your problem: She is only 13 months and you want to be there for her in her infantcy. My suggestion: Buy a generic baby book of sorts and present to her daycare provider. Tell them it is important they write down every milestone for you and everything of importance. On your time, just make what time you have count. Bring routine and structure into your new home as well as love and hugs, so important for a little one and any child in fact. Time is quality, not quantity, just keep that in mind. And every once in a while as she gets older maybe you can call her on breaks and lunch times as well. She will know you love her mom and in time you will get over your baby blues. Prayers =)

Answer 10

Cherish it. In the long run they will know what you did was the best and you did your best to give her a good life. I was single mom and worked two jobs and my son appreciates me more for it because he knows what I had to do for him. Of course you will have this feeling but just reassure yourself that what you are doing is for your daughter and in time you will have plenty of time with her. Ask the providers for child to take pictures so you have that to cherish also. It just takes a little more time than a two parent house hold but it will work out for the best.