He was no bigger than a 2 penny fart he was a deft exponent of the martial arts?

Question

ten points for the full version please

Answer 1

KUNG FU CHOP SUEY

Outside the takeaway Saturday night,
A bald adolescent asked me out for a fight,
he was no bigger than a twopenny fart,
He was a deft exponent of the martial arts.

He gave me three warnings, he trod on my toes,
He stuck his fingers in my eyes and he kicked me in the nose,
A rabbit punch made my head explode,
My head went dead, I fell in the road.

I pleaded for mercy, I wriggled on the ground,
He kicked me in the balls, and said something profound,
He stole my chop suey and left me for dead.

Through rivers of blood and splintered bone,
I crawled half a mile to the public telephone,
I pulled the corpse out the call box, held back the bile,
And with a broken index finger proceeded to dial.

Couldn't get an ambulance the phone was screwed,
The receiver fell in half, it had been kung-fu'd,
A black belt karate cop opened up the door,
Demanded information about the stiff on the floor.

He looked like an extra from Yang Shang Po,
He said What's all this then, Ah-so, ah-so, ah-so?
He wore a bamboo mask, he was genned on zen,
He finished his devotions then he beat me up again.

Thanks to that embyonic Bruce Lee,
I'm a shadow of the person that I used to be,
I can't go back to Salford, the cops have got me marked,
Enter the Dragon, exit Johnny Clark.

John Cooper Clark

Answer 2

Actually the SONG is called "Kung Fu International !" Not Chop seuy blah blah ...........





Outside the take-away, Saturday night
a bald adolescent, asks me out for a fight
He was no bigger than a two-penny fart
he was a deft exponent of the martial art
He gave me three warnings:
Trod on me toes, stuck his fingers in my eyes
and kicked me in the nose
A rabbit punch made me eyes explode
My head went dead, I fell in the road
I pleaded for mercy
I wriggled on the ground
he kicked me in the balls
and said something profound
Gave my face the millimetre tread
Stole me chop suey and left me for dead
Through rivers of blood and splintered bones
I crawled half a mile to the public telephone
pulled the corpse out the call box, held back the bile
and with a broken index finger, I proceeded to dial
I couldn’t get an ambulance
the phone was screwed
The receiver fell in half
it had been kung fu’d
A black belt karate cop opened up the door
demanding information about the stiff on the floor
he looked like an extra from Yang Shang Po
he said “What’s all this then
ah so, ah so, ah so.”
he wore a bamboo mask
he was gen’ned on zen
He finished his devotions and he beat me up again
Thanks to that embryonic Bruce Lee
I’m a shadow of the person that I used to be
I can’t go back to Salford
the cops have got me marked
Enter the Dragon
Exit Johnny Clarke

Answer 3

KUNG FU CHOP SUEY

Outside the takeaway Saturday night,
A bald adolescent asked me out for a fight,
he was no bigger than a twopenny fart,
He was a deft exponent of the martial arts.

He gave me three warnings, he trod on my toes,
He stuck his fingers in my eyes and he kicked me in the nose,
A rabbit punch made my head explode,
My head went dead, I fell in the road.

I pleaded for mercy, I wriggled on the ground,
He kicked me in the balls, and said something profound,
He stole my chop suey and left me for dead.

Through rivers of blood and splintered bone,
I crawled half a mile to the public telephone,
I pulled the corpse out the call box, held back the bile,
And with a broken index finger proceeded to dial.

Couldn't get an ambulance the phone was screwed,
The receiver fell in half, it had been kung-fu'd,
A black belt karate cop opened up the door,
Demanded information about the stiff on the floor.

He looked like an extra from Yang Shang Po,
He said What's all this then, Ah-so, ah-so, ah-so?
He wore a bamboo mask, he was genned on zen,
He finished his devotions then he beat me up again.

Thanks to that embyonic Bruce Lee,
I'm a shadow of the person that I used to be,
I can't go back to Salford, the cops have got me marked,
Enter the Dragon, exit Johnny Clark.

Answer 4

Ahh. JCC. 'The Bard of Salford' ... "Kung Fu International".
That man made some pretty cool songs(??)

I still have my copy of this...plus the album 'Disguise In Love' (which I bought for the pun but fell in love with it on first hearing) and a triangular shaped see-through orange plastic 10" vinyl record of 'Gimmix/ I Married a Monster from Outer Space'.
Pure Class.

Kung Fu International - John Cooper Clarke & The Invisible Girls:

Outside the takeaway Saturday night,
A bald adolescent asked me out for a fight,
He was no bigger than a twopenny fart,
He was a deft exponent of the martial arts.

He gave me three warnings, he trod on my toes,
He stuck his fingers in my eyes and he kicked me in the nose,
A rabbit punch made my head explode,
My head went dead, I fell in the road.

I pleaded for mercy, I wriggled on the ground,
He kicked me in the balls, and said something profound,
He stole my chop suey and left me for dead.

Through rivers of blood and splintered bone,
I crawled half a mile to the public telephone,
I pulled the corpse out the call box, held back the bile,
And with a broken index finger proceeded to dial.

Couldn't get an ambulance the phone was screwed,
The receiver fell in half, it had been kung-fu'd,
A black belt karate cop opened up the door,
Demanded information about the stiff on the floor.

He looked like an extra from Yang Shang Po,
He said What's all this then, Ah-so, ah-so, ah-so?
He wore a bamboo mask, he was genned on zen,
He finished his devotions then he beat me up again.

Thanks to that embyonic Bruce Lee,
I'm a shadow of the person that I used to be,
I can't go back to Salford, the cops have got me marked,
Enter the Dragon,
Exit Johnny Clarke.