My boyfriend andd I have been together for almost three years and we have decided to move in together... BUT my family hates him and will not support us moving in together. If I choose him I will most likely lose my relationship with my family. If I don't choose him I will have my family but I may have given up the love of my life. I don't know what to do!!! I hate the situation that I am in and I resent my family for putting me in this position. Someone please give me advice!!!
2006-09-28 09:38:38 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The reason that my family is so upset is that we have been going through a really hard time financially lately. I lived with my boyfriend before and I left to move back home and financially help my family. That was over a year ago. Now I am wanting to have my own life and move on and live the way I want to. My family claims that I am doing this to be with him and that I am abandoning them in a time of need.
The truth is that I just want to live my life. I am 23 years old and I don't want to continue to live at home and take care of my family. They are filing bankruptcy and will be fine. The can financially handle things now. I don't feel like I am being selfish I just feel like I am ready to grow up...
2006-09-28 10:04:20 · update #1
You have to decide what is best for you. If you do move in then you would have to work at keeping your relationship with your family. You might want to explain to them that even though they do not like him this is your life and you have to live and learn your own mistakes. If they cant support that then maybe you are better off without them. But your boyfriend shouldn't make you choose or keep you from them either.
2006-09-28 09:42:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Choose your family. If you move in with him it won't last because of the rift you will cause and the guilt you will have. You don't indicate your age but if you are over 18 you can do what you want. BUT... you WILL regret giving up your family. The "love of your life" can either wait until you get married (your family will probably support that) or if he cuts out you know the real score. Most guys (not all) are looking for a sex partner when they ask you to move in and if you get pregnant they're gone. Think about that.
Another thing, if your family hates him as you say, you need to get down to the reason why. Your family's life experiences tell them more than you see. They are more objective than you are. I'd find out why. They may have good reason to dislike him. You NEED to know.
2006-09-28 09:44:12 · answer #2 · answered by snddupree 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes you're family can see things you can't. YOu've been with him three years and obviously (hopefully) love him. That can obscure some serious faults.
Without your boyfriend, talk to your family. Patiently hear them out about why they don't like the BF. Don't argue with them, even if what they say is untrue and makes you angry. JUST LISTEN. Give yourself some time (I'm talking a day or so here) and then respond. Correct the ideas they have totally wrong, and then talk with the bf.
And I agree with the first answerer. Ultimately ask yourself this. Are you gonna marry this guy? If he asked you to elope tomorrow, would you do it without hesitation? Would he marry you? Seriously think about those questions. IF the answer to any of those is no, is this guy seriously worth losing your family over?
2006-09-28 09:46:13 · answer #3 · answered by bubb1e_gir1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is your family against him, did you ask yourself that? I don't know about you but to me Family comes first and if i was ever in a position to choose i will no doubt pick my family. Your family members are the ones who will stick with you through rough times and love you no matter what. Your man you might divorce or seperate and might be together for ever. But, don't you think though time you might resent him for taking you away from your family?? then at that point you would have lost both. I WILL NEVER LET A GUY COME BETWEEN ME AND MY FAMILY... NO way.
2006-09-28 09:45:21 · answer #4 · answered by Soonie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has your family given you a specific reason why they hate him? Has it always been like this?
If you are certain that he is the love of your life, then I'd sit down and talk with your family. Tell them that you love your boyfriend, and you're not moving in with him to spite them but because you love him. Tell them that you love them, but you feel that you're being put in a position to make a choice between them and him. You love them regardless of what relationships they have and how they choose to live their lives, and you resent not being given the same consideration. Let them know it's your decision to make, and while they don't have to like it they need to continue to love and respect you regardless of your life choices. Tell them even though you'll be hurt and disappointed, you will continue to love them.
At this point, you're not asking for their support or approval; you're simply telling them that you've made a decision, and if they choose to disown you, you still love them. Take higher ground and stick to your guns. Unless they can come up with a reasonable explanation for why they feel the way they do, I'd move on.
2006-09-28 09:53:55 · answer #5 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take a real good look at your situation....your family isnt right for making you choose....if they really loved you they would understand your serious about being w/ him an they shoulnt have any probloms w/ him unless he has hit you or something of that sort an or is disrespectful to your family or is it they just dont wanna see there baby grow up an have a family of her own?? you have to make a deisicion an here is what i would do.....if he mademe choose an he was mean to me then i would choose my family if my family makes me choose an just doesnt wanna let me grow up then i would choose him but if they both make are maken me choose i would choose neither an go live on my own....its your desicion....but please look at your situiation carefully....is he kind o you is he respectful to you an your family does he have a police record a mile long an is not willing to change or something like that?? then i can see why your family is makeing you choose...but if he is a good guy an you both want this and he respects you in all ways an your gamily is just been buit holes then you have to choose what an who you wnt to live w/ mbut sounds like either way you turn youll have some one to love you....be careful an please choose wisely i hope everything works out for you an if you need more advice ghen email me at magen_221@yahoo.com or message me anytime kk bye bye
2006-09-28 09:48:57 · answer #6 · answered by none of your biz. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love your boyfriend and he still supports your family, move in with him, your family loves you and will eventually adapt. You have to live your life the way that you want to, if it's a mistake moving in with him, how would you ever know if you don't try, we learn from our experiences. Tell your family that you love them, but you are would really like to have their support and don't want to loose them. In the long run, even through it feels so difficult now, it will work out. Practice your speech and be prepared for their reactions and you will be just fine. Good luck!
2006-09-28 09:54:47 · answer #7 · answered by Michelle Lynn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your family should stand by you no matter what, if things don't work out out w/your bf they should be there to support you not criticize you. Why don't you talk to them & tell them that you are stuck between a rock & a hard place. Tell them you love them but you also love your boyfriend and for them not to make you choose. Good luck!
2006-09-28 09:50:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have an almost similar situation, long story, but to keep it simple....
my husband, and my family, does *not* mix........ they don't speak to eachother, or see eachother...
my family tells me that it's my life and up to me to decide what to do, and they were supportive when we got married......
but now sometimes it just feels horrible, i love my parents, and love my husband, but i can never see us get together as "One big happy family" i have to be with them seperately...... at times i feel like i'm being torn between them, and it's hard, especially when you love them all so much.....
i don't have much advice for you, this just takes alot of thought, perhaps talk with your family a little bit more, you need to decide whats more important, your family, or him...... you can always pick your boyfriend or the people you date, and there will always be more, but your family is forever, you cannot pick them.....
at the same time you cant be stuck to your family for the rest of your life, you need to do what is important to you........
best of luck and i hope things work out... ^_^ stay hopeful
2006-09-28 12:03:48 · answer #9 · answered by kawaiimiyo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Would a man who loved you expect you to pick him over your family? Would a man who loved you want you to do things to lose your family's love and support?
Don't move in with him - if he loved you, he wouldn't ask you to unless you were married and had your family's blessing.
Perhaps you might want to try to clearly understand why your family hates this guy so much. Maybe they see him for who he really is, rather than who you want him to be.
Your family didn't put you in this position- your boyfriend did.
2006-09-28 09:44:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋