What to do about bridesmaid bringing baby to wedding?

Question

I have told everyone no babies at the wedding.Our friends have gotten babysitters for this reason.Just found out my bridesmaid is bringing her baby because she's afraid she'll drive the babysitter crazy.When I said I didn't want babies there and that was what we told everyone, she said that she has put me first before her family for the other functions and she wouldn't do it anymore.When you agree to be a bridesmaid, you make a commitment to be at functions and to help.I have to worry about her baby screaming during our ceremony.Our friends and family that got babysitters will see a baby at the wedding and not be too happy with us about telling them they couldn't bring children. Some people have told me to put my foot down and say she can't but I feel horrible doing that.On the flip side, the fact that she isn't going with my wishes on my day makes me wonder if she is a true friend. I will always remember she didn't care about this being a "special day" for me?Any advice on what to do

Some more info some have requested. She has been to 1 shower, the bridesmaid luncheon, and the bachelorette and she left each one early because her husband can't handle her kids. As for the dress and shoes, I offered to pay for any bridesmaid that couldn't afford it. She has 3 kids and she has a babysitter for 2 of them. She said she would have her cousin come with her to watch the baby (she did not ask). I don't know her cousin and I don't want to pay $80 for her to be there. Her cousin could watch the baby at home. My friend has a problem with letting her children run her life. She hardly ever goes out because her husband won't watch them. Initially she was staying at the hotel with us, without the baby. Then she decided she wouldn't because the babysitter may go crazy if she is gone all night. Then all of the sudden she's bringing the baby with her.

Answer 1

If she is a true friend she shouldn't go against your wishes. If she is worried about the baby driving the baby sitter crazy maybe she can work out a deal with the sitter. Maybe the sitter can keep her baby just for the wedding and she can skip the recepition.

Answer 2

If you asked people not to bring children then she needs to respect that wish escpecially being a bridesmaid. This is your special day. She is supposed to be there to help you out whenever she can and she is making things worse for you by doing this. You can't allow her to bring her child and then tell everbody else no that is just wrong you are going to have to stand up to her and put your feet down. Tell her she has two choices: find a sitter or step down from the wedding. If she finds a sitter then at least she is trying but if she steps down then she is not a friend at all. She can not keep the baby under her wing all of her life either. I know it can be hard to leave a baby with a sitter but sometimes you have to do it. Take a deep breath! It is your special day don't let anybody ruin it for you! Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! I know that everything will be beautiful!!

I know that some people think that you are wrong for asking people to get a babysitter but there are lots of couples who ask for a no children wedding. This is completely up to the couple. I love kids and I wouldn't have wanted that. But I also see why couples want that because children don't understand anything except why do I have to sit here I'm bored. So, don't listen to those people. Listen to your heart!!

Answer 3

Honestly, are you being a Bridezilla? Ask yourself, don't tell me, I don't care. I know I was. I didn't think I was, but looking back I know I was an absolute self centered, witch.
How many events are we talking about? Has she had to attend more than three events sans a baby that is under six months? Does she have mother or MIL that could take care of the baby? I assume the husband is a guest of the wedding. Was she expected to attend one of those Bridal Weekends Away that only the worst of the worst Bridezillas demand? If so, you are a Bridezilla and she's had enough.
On the other hand, if she's only had to attend a shower or two, buy a otherwise worthless, overpriced dress, and help throw a Bachlorette Party than she is fulfilling her duties and has suddenly gone crazy. Is it possible she's one of those crazy overprotective parents that doesn't trust anyone else to care for their child even for a few hours? Is it possible for her to bring the babysitter and have the sitter keep the baby in the hospitality room where said bridesmaid can check on the baby? If the sitter is old enough, she can drive the baby home at bedtime.
My MIL had 3 sitters with references, experience, and CPR training that kept all the young children together. The sitters brought the children to the beginning of the reception and then took them to the room where there was a ton of pizza. They ordered animated movies and some fell asleep. Parents could come up and check on them, visit, take a break from the party, or nurse babies.

Answer 4

I know it hurts, like you said, but you do need to put your foot down. Obviously, you have given her enough time to find a babysitter. She is just being an overbearing mother and a bad friend. Quite frankly, I would tell her that if she insists on bringing her baby, then neither she nor the baby can come and you will find a new bridesmaid.

If her husband and all the world's babysitters can't handle her children, what kind of MOTHER does that make her, anyway? And, if a babysitter can't handle the child, there is no way it will survive a wedding without being disruptive. Heck, she will probably have to HOLD it during the ceremony to keep her even a little calm!

Answer 5

well, i can understand why you don't want babies at your wedding. i can't tell you how many ceremonies i've been at where the baby is crying so loud the pastor couldn't be heard. but, it seems as if you are being kind of a bridezilla here. it doesn't sound as if your friend is being too unreasonable to want to bring her baby because her sitter can't stay with the baby all night.

if your bridesmaid cannot find a babysitter then why not let her bring the baby? during the ceremony obviously someone else will be sitting with the baby, why not ask your bridesmaid to make sure this person takes the baby outside if the baby starts crying. then at the reception don't worry about her baby being there. trust me, you will be so caught up having a wonderful reception that you probably won't even notice a baby is there anyway. but if it is that big of a deal, set up a room where your bridesmaid can take her baby if it gets to be too much for you or her to handle.

Answer 6

why do people respond such a negative manner when some one asks for advice?

This is your wedding day, and you have the right to say that you dont want babies or children of or under a certian age to attend, children get bored easily and want everyone to pay attention to them. And since your friend is in your bridal party and her baby is there the child will most definatly want to be with mommy no matter what. I also dont understand her saying that she's affraid her baby will "drive the babysitter crazy" Im sure she would be fine, I mean used to babysit a 1year old well when i started babysitting her she was probably 6-8 months but still i had no trouble and wasn't driven crazy.
But like the others said you should def put your foot down, again this is your day not hers, and if she still doesn't respect your wishes then perhaps you should find a replacement for her.

Best of luck to you and happy wedding day:)

Answer 7

Your bridesmaid is very wrong to put you in this situation.

You've told EVERYONE that they can't bring babis. They got babysitters. If she brings her baby, then every single one of those other guests will come up to you at the reception and huff "Oh, I thought we couldn't bring our kids. That's why I got a sitter, though I would have loved to have brought them." You will have a lot of people pissed off at you at the party. Do not let her bring that baby.

You could try pointing out that this an adult reception, and everyone knows and understands this but her. Why should she bring her baby when no one else is? Why does she want to bring the baby anyway? Put your foot down and say that there will be no babies. You might have to kick her out the wedding, so be prepared for that. But why should she be in your bridal party if she won't extend to you the same respect and courtesy that the mere guests do?

Answer 8

Well personally I don't think it's right, If she cannot get a babysitter oh well. She coulnd't get a babysister so she's bringing the baby to the wedding, yea it is a special day for you, but she's doing you a favor by being in your wedding. What if it was you in someones weddding and you could not get a sitter what are y going to do. Bring your baby right as long as someone is watching the baby and the baby is not running up and down the eiles then just shut up and say I DO.

Answer 9

I wouldn't stand for it. She needs to understand that it's your wedding she's standing in and it's her baby, not yours, that is causing an issue. If she wants to have her baby with her that night, she can stay at home. If she's afraid the kid will drive the babysitter crazy then that's a sure sign that her child misbehaves. And like you said, everyone else got a babysitter, why can't she? This girl isn't your friend my dear and I wouldn't keep her in the wedding party. You only get married once, she shouldn't be allowed to ruin it.

Answer 10

First off--babies aren't going to make your day any less special.

Can you see her side of the story? Did she have to buy her shoes and dress? Did she have to get a plane ticket? How far is she traveling?

While it may seem inconsiderate of her, this may be the best that she can do. It's not that she doesn't care about you--she's already spent a LOT of money for you to make your day special. It's not that she's trying to destroy your wedding day. She has a child and does not feel comfortable with leaving her with a babysitter.

If it REALLY bothers you, hire your OWN babysitter for the ceremony and reception. Hire a teenager for $5/hour. This is one thing that YOU can do to thank her for standing beside you on your special day.

Answer 11

Perhaps you could compromise. If she had her baby looked after by someone else during the ceremony she could get her/him back after the crucial bit of the day is over. Weddings are about people getting together, having a good time whilst they are giving you their blessing. Don't get hung up in the detail and who will think what about what. If she is a good enough friend for you to ask her to be bridesmaid perhaps the compromise is the only option that isn't going to 'spoil' your special; day? Good luck.