My husband and I have been together for 5 years and married for 2.
We are trying for our first baby and hopefully the baby will be born when I am 24/25 and he is 26/27.
We own a home, have plenty of money, careers, etc. and are very happy and stable.
I mentioned to my mother a few months ago that we wanted a baby soon.
She started a fight with me telling me I should wait until I am 30 and how she doesn’t have the time to be a grandma since my two little brothers still live at home. (They are 9 and 13).
I told her that it was our choice and not hers.
She told me it was HER business since I am her child and any children I have will be her grandchildren.
She feels she has a say in the matter because she shat me out!
She hasn’t supported me since I turned 18 and we are not going to rely on her for any help once we have a child.
Do you think its crazy that she thinks us having a baby is her business?
2006-09-28 07:51:42 · 27 answers · asked by PrettyWifey 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It is her business, she will be grandma BUT she certainly can't tell yot not to have a child. Are you ready to be mum and give up your personal freedom? Maybe she feels you need more time to experience yourself still? A new person in the family affects all members of that family and maybe you just brought it to reality for her that she could be a grandma. Just try your hardest to talk with your mum and Listen to her and try to understand where she is coming from and make her feel comfortable with the whole thing. Tell her you love her and what her in your lives, and assure her you & your husband are ready for the full responsibilites of parenthood. Unless you don't want your mum to be there to provide help, support, and advice when your baby is born, you certainly don't want to alienate her now.
2006-09-28 09:05:57 · answer #1 · answered by nativeAZ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Parents may consider themselves "old" when they become grandparents. This may be her reasoning for wanting to have input into when you have a child. This is totally a decision between you and your husband. The child will be the responsibility of you and your husband, and not your mother. She may have a hard time dealing with becoming a grandmother and may act indifferent towards you, the baby, and/or your husband, but as long as it is a mutual decision with your husband then GO FOR IT!! She may come around after sometime and like the idea of being a Grandma. Good luck.
2006-09-28 08:15:43 · answer #2 · answered by special 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not crazy. She is your mother and if you have a child it will be her business. However you should have to wait until she is ready for you to have a child to have one.
Your mother is afraid that if you have a baby now, because of your two brothers she will not get to embrace it the way she would really like to. She feels that she is not going to be a part of that process.
Just because you have money doesn't mean that you are not going to have problems. Remember you have to go to work at some point in time or another.
Do not get angry at her. Her reaction is like that because she is afraid that she wouldn't get to be a part of the child's life the way she would like to be. When you are 30 your brothers will be old enough to take care of themselves giving her more time to spend with the baby. Don't get angry at her but do not make her dictate pace in your life either.
Tell her that she will be a part of the process. That is if you want her anyway.
2006-09-28 08:07:38 · answer #3 · answered by Osunwole Adeoyin 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Mom is obviously having a hard time learning her boundaries now that you are a married adult. You are correct in standing up for yourself and your husband. Set those boundaries now, or you'll be in big trouble when your baby is born and Grandma tries to tell you how your baby should be raised. There is a fine line between offering your opinion and telling someone how they should be doing something. Your mother will either have to learn her place, and realize that you know are going to be the mother of your own family, or she will find herself unwelcome in your home. I'm sure neither one of you wants that to happen, so make sure that you let her know that you love her, but you and your husband will make your own decisions as you see fit, and if you want her opinion you'll ask for it. I suppose we'll have to adjust to a new roll of grandma instead of mom someday ourselves, so be kind but firm.
2006-09-28 08:05:26 · answer #4 · answered by Cynthia 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that if you look back over the past 10-15 years, your mother's behavior is pretty consistent. Her selfishness is nothing new, right?
Do I think it's crazy? Not really. I think it's controlling and insecure, but I doubt it's anything new to you.
But what is crazy is that you continue to share your life and plans with her. Was her reaction any surprise to you? If not, why don't you back away from her and live your life? There's no need to report anything more to her.... you know how she'll be after the baby is born, right? Cut her out and cut her off.
2006-09-28 07:56:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she just feels that once you have a baby, she'll be considered "old". She may be giving you a hard time now, but I'm sure once your baby is here & she realizes what a wonderful addition to the family they are she'll be signing a different tune. If not, then it'll be her loss. Your lucky enough to have a good husband and a good life. Good Luck & God Bless
2006-09-28 08:21:56 · answer #6 · answered by Littles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother is wrong! It sounds like your are stable in life, and therefor have every right to have a child. You sound as if you have a good head on your shoulders. So that tells me you will be a wonderful mother. Sometimes are parents aren't always right. You sound more mature than your own mother. Tell her you are sorry if this bothers her, but she does not pay your bills, she did not buy your home, and that you do not ask her for anything, so she needs to learn to deal with your decision. Good luck!
2006-09-28 07:59:02 · answer #7 · answered by Paulda37 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wait just a minute if mother shut you out at eighteen years of age and you are much older now how can she think now that she can control you. You don't have to wait until you're thirty to have a baby. If your husband isn't complaining mother shouldn't complaint.
Having your baby on your own is your business not hers, even though she will be granmother.
2006-09-28 08:03:25 · answer #8 · answered by Rietta 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She will probably get over it once you have the baby. She'll be going crazy over it and be excited. If not then that's her own loss. She's not married to you or your husband. If she's not ready to be a grandma then it's not your fault she decided to have kids so late. Why should you have to wait on her when she's ready? It's not fair to you or your husband.
2006-09-28 08:00:47 · answer #9 · answered by Mel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
see you later as she would not ought to help improve your toddlers it really is none of her company. yet in case you anticipate when you've your toddler that your mom ought to toddler take a seat at the same time as you and your husband flow out then it really is her company. I had my toddler at the same time as i changed into 30 and my husband changed into 38. we've had to do all of it on our own. My mom is so busy with her own existence and paintings that me and my husband have only lengthy previous out without my little lady two times in 3 years and it changed into only a pair of hours each and each. i do not blame your mom annoying about it because she's nevertheless raising 2 youthful toddlers and she or he would not want a third one tacked on to that.
2016-11-25 00:58:25 · answer #10 · answered by kuhns 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋