My mother believes me having a child is her business.?

Question

My husband and I have been together for 5 years and married for 2.

We are trying for our first baby and hopefully the baby will be born when I am 24/25 and he is 26/27.

We own a home, have plenty of money, careers, etc. and are very happy and stable.

I mentioned to my mother a few months ago that we wanted a baby soon.

She started a fight with me telling me I should wait until I am 30 and how she doesn’t have the time to be a grandma since my two little brothers still live at home. (They are 9 and 13).

I told her that it was our choice and not hers.

She told me it was HER business since I am her child and any children I have will be her grandchildren.

She feels she has a say in the matter because she shat me out!

She hasn’t supported me since I turned 18 and we are not going to rely on her for any help once we have a child.

Do you think its crazy that she thinks us having a baby is her business?

Answer 1

It's your choice not hers.

I would have thought she would just be happy at the prospect of a grandchild.

Answer 2

hi there. both of you have a point. more you, though.i don't beleive she is crazy. maybe she took it by surprise or something. her reaction was wrong.and your mother is being unfair. she should be estatic of you wanting a baby. and yes it is only you and your husbands responsibility. you no longer live with her. your mom sounds like she does care for you.perhaps she is just worried about you.she knows how expensive it is to have a child(raise)you know the diapers and milk and daycare. and now adays you need 2 incomes can't afford to stay home. i had to work till the day before i delivered!she might want her children to grow to be a devoted grandma. but just reassure her everything will be okay.
overall.. you should do what makes YOU happy. and children are blessings. and for all you know she might change when the child is here. but for now it is probablly better not to even discuss this with any one but your spouse. because it is about you two.and you don't need any negativity coming from no one. especially if you might already be expecting! : )

Answer 3

As long as she doesn't have to help raise your children it's none of her business. But if you expect after you have your baby that your mother should baby sit while you and your husband go out then it is her business.

I had my baby when I was 30 and my husband was 38. We've had to do it all on our own. My mother is so busy with her own life and work that me and my husband have only gone out without my little girl twice in 3 years and it was only a couple of hours each.

I don't blame your mother worrying about it because she's still raising 2 kids and she doesn't want a 3rd one tacked on to that.

Answer 4

Wow...she sounds completely controlling.

If you want a Baby, have a baby. I admire you for waiting until you were married, in a house, and financially stable.

Let me tell you from my experience...I have no children and i am 32, 33 in two days. I have a wonderful woman and I am in the Service. i regret not have a child sooner, but I also am quite happy I waited to be with a woman who i love and so he or she would not have to live the "Army Life".

Good luck with your children. You and your husband are more than ready from what I can see.

Answer 5

I am going through a very similar situation with my mom. My husband is quite a bit older than i am and although we have been married only a short time we don't want to wait more than a year. Like your mom mine thinks I should wait until I'm thirty. You have to try and see it from her eyes and understand where she is coming from. She still sees you as her daughter and not as a married woman. Ultimately what ever you decide to do she will accept it. Do you honestly think she could ever harbor any negative feelings to what I presume is her first grandchild or at you. Best of Luck!!

Answer 6

No matter what your differences with your Mother (and of course she can't control you having kids, and of course she KNOWS this)----it's very very important to "get along" with parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc., for your future child's sake. That child will NEED to relate to the entire family, as much as possible. They deserve to have an extended family that sees each other regularly, and talks, visits, and celebrates things in a positive way. That baby is ALL the relatives' business, because the baby will need all those relatives in the future---the baby will need to know family history, will need to know personalities, heritage, illnesses, happy and sad memories of everyone. They need to know these people, all about them, to know themselves---if they are taught to dislike their relatives, they will dislike themselves.

If every meeting that the baby/child experiences with you and the relatives, including your Mother, is open warfare and arguments, that happy part of their life with the family and relatives is gone forever, and they will learn to associate "family" with "unhappiness." And, they will look at other children having fun with many family members and grandparents, and wonder why they don't deserve this happiness.
It's up to you to structure your baby's perception of life, of it's life.
If you have a child, you ought to forget your own "beefs", leave them in the past, and start over building the child's life in the best possible way.
They need a family---a happy extended family, not a small nuclear family that they don't dare leave because of all the conflict around them.

Answer 7

It's crazy and don't try to understand her or why she feels that way...my mom is the same and she still won't stay out of my business! My son is 2 now and she even tries to tell me how to raise him(not that I don't like advice sometimes) but not all the time! If you know you can do it...just ask for her to be supportive and move on with it!

Good luck

Answer 8

It's fine and dandy for her to voice her opinions, (not to be confused with concern rather selfishness ) but that's where it ultimately ends. In the end the choice is yours not hers. You seem to be very stable in all aspects of being a good parent, I.e, you have a husband with a secure job, your working, so your financially stable. You got a home, you seem rather intelligent and responsible. There's no better joy than to bring a new life into the world, to raise him/her, to nurture him/her, to love him/her. Your mother is depriving you of all this. If she doesn't want to share in your joy then it's her loss so don't let her be a barrier to you. Go for it and enjoy the gift that God will be giving you in the future. Good luck.

Answer 9

Girl, have your baby. If she 'doesn't have time' to be a grandparent, then she just won't get to see the baby very often. (Not like a 9 and 13 year old are very labor intensive in comparison to watching a baby for a few hours, hello!) That's my view, but I'm sassy, so your specific situation might require more sensitivity.

Answer 10

The idea of you having a baby should be between no one but your husband and yourself. I understand that your mother is family, but you are old enough to make your own decision and has nothing to do with the time that she has on her hands. If you believe that you are going to be a great parent then you should go ahead and have that baby.

Answer 11

Yeah...she need to get a clue that you dont need her to say when you and your husband can or cannot have a child! I would tell her that if she doesnt support you in you and your husbands decision then she doesnt need to speak or see you untill she does...and STICK TO IT! YOur the one having sex and will go through the pregnancy NOT her!! Its not your fault that she has young children still at home. If she hasnt supported you since you turned 18 do you really think that she will support you now? Girl go get pregnant and tell your mom if she doesnt like it then dont talk to her!