kids without marriage?

Question

is the concept of bastards copletely vanished in the west?dont girls feel bad by producing bastards?dont they feel shy????

Answer 1

Sad to say, I believe many in this world now believe that Mom and Dad being married really isn't that important any more. My personal view is that this is a mean thing to do to the kid. All kids, in my estimation, should have a mom and a dad and the best possible situation is that they are married.

Answer 2

Many people still feel ashamed they have a kid outside of a commited relationship. Usually these are unplanned surprises that nobody wants. The thing is that the average american doesn't want to give up sex, even with the risk of pregnancy.

Do not blame the woman totally for this. It takes a man to make a baby. The men are worse because some of them vanish as soon as they find out. Others don't "want to be a parent" so they mail a few dollars for support each month but never see the kid.

The bigger problem is that people have become too selfish. The value of children and family has vanished.

Answer 3

Well, I cant speak from experience on this (because I am married)... but I do believe the concept has vanished. It's not the fact of producing "bastards" that makes girls feel bad... its usually because the childs father is a low life who won't help support their child. From what I have seen though, they certainly dont feel "shy" about it. My cousin is "one of those" that you are talking about. She parades her daughter all over the place and loves "showing her off". Which is good for her daughter. Just because she doesn't have a great father in her life doesn't mean she's any less of a person.

Answer 4

I agree that ideally people should be married before having children, however, I don't feel that a child is a "bastard"! That is a cruel thing to say. I personally, got pregnant before I was married, and got married at 7 months pregnant. I thought it was the right thing because we were in love. He became very abusive after I became his "wife", and our relationship had to end just 10 months later. I vowed to never to get married again until I REALLY knew the person. I am now 25 with a six-year-old son, and in love with a very good man. I am ready to have more children now since I'm in a committed relationship. I will not be getting married before I have another child though. Wierd as it sounds, if things go wrong in the relationship, all he has to do is pay child support, and we go our seperate ways. Just because people aren't married, doesn't mean two adults can't provide a loving home for a child. I have my reasons, and I'm sure others do as well. Maybe you should stop living in a bubble, and love others for who they are. It's up to God to judge us anyway. Until we meet with God, it's really none of your business who's having kids with who. God would not ever call a child a "bastard" for your information as well. Hope this helps broaden your horizons. God bless!

Answer 5

I believe you should be married and then have your children.

As a woman, it bothers me when I see women who have 1 or more children with a guy, and keep having them. I find it pathetic when they try and justify it with, "he's not ready for marriage" or "we are not at that stage in out relationship" that is just a cop-out. These people have no one to blame but themselves. If he is not the committing type quit breeding with him.

Men are not innocent here either.

However, it is ultimately the children who suffer, they grow up in environments where responsibility for your actions is not a value, nor is there any example of responsibility or commitment being set. Statistically these children are more apt to end up becoming adults who give up when things get too hard, refuse to hold a steady job, or walk out on their families on a whim, or when something better comes along after all there was no commitment value demonstrated why should they stay?.

You cannot build a sturdy structure, without a firm foundation.

Even my gay friends who are raising children had first started with a commitment ceremony and then after about 5 years considered children.

You need to marry and know that person before you bring children into the mix. Because with the birth of a child you are committed to that other parent for life if you like it or not.

Answer 6

Just so you know bastards may mean a child without a father but it is a very strong and powerful word. You should use a different way of explaining yourself! A lot of girls just want babies (most young girls-Ive seen them on Maury). But also a lot of girls get pregnant by force so that is not their fault. And I am raising my children as a single parent because of domestic violence. So the decisions on some moms not having the father around is just for the best interest of the child. (And some little girls wanting babies on the Maury show just need some serious discipline and help!)

Answer 7

I think that it definitely depends on the situation. It is important that these people that are answering questions like this know the persons background before they make any rude comments. I have a five year old and I also have another baby on the way. I'm not married, but my childrens father and I have been together for 12 years now and still going strong. We are planning on getting married sometime in the future but that doesn't change how we feel about eachother or our children. Its just a marriage certificate. So it really does depend on the person and their lifestyle and you shouldn't judge a person because they have children and are not married.

Answer 8

Blame it on the legal system...
My son caught his wife screwing around, by the time he got his divorce she had run up $44,000 in bills and court ordered he had to pay them. Plus her car payment,and her schooling which all came to $65,000 is this fair? She is a dental asst. and makes more money then him. Plus he has to pay child support? And carry insurance and pay all doctor bills for the children. Is this fair. Where is the responsibility for the mother? She gets off scott free... She was the one in the wrong, Has had 3 affairs since they got married. He is a fireman, in Ohio fireman cant have full custody of there children because he has a 24hr on call job. Is this fair? So to get full custody he has to leave his job of 12 yrs.? He can retire in 8 more yrs. Is this fair? He has been living with another woman now for over a yr. she is pregnaunt, do I blame him for not wanting to get married? The legal system is all for the woman. Shouldnt the mother be held for some responsibilty for the children? Why would anyone want to get married.

Answer 9

Yup, and thank goodness. I'm a base-born child, and it's so much better this way. My dad is a terrible father (he still owes us child support! I'm 25!), and it's great that my parents didn't marry. As long as the kid has plenty of love, they really don't need a mom and a dad in their life. Sometimes it's just better without that.

Answer 10

It's a shame because celebrities inforce it by having children before marriage. They make it look "In Style". Kids need a stable home with two parents that are loving and commited to eachother and the child.