My husband works full time (night shift) and after taxes, makes enough to pay my mom for watching our two kids during the week, with maybe $100 left over for "incidentals." The only drawback is that we get a discount on our auto insurance through his employer. What do you guys think of him refusing to be a SAHD? My solution was for him to work weekends--basically enough to keep our auto ins discount, put a few bucks in his pocket, and have some "adult" time with friends/coworkers. He is adamantly refusing. He's working to pay daycare, basically. Right now, we pay all bills off my salary, and other than the auto insurance discount (which would continue if he worked weekends) there is no drawback that I can see to him staying home. Opinions? Advice? Reasons why he should/shouldn't stay home? I'm going to show him all answers, so please be honest (no matter what your opinion is!).
2006-09-28 07:38:21 · 7 answers · asked by brevejunkie 7 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
I normally think it is the woman who should stay home, but in this case it makes all of the sense in the world - even if the auto discount didn't play into things.
While in this case, I do advocate your husband becoming a SAHD - what happens next? Is he going to be prepared to not only assume childcare, but the cooking and the cleaning. Are you going to be ready to relinquish homemaking duties to him.
The only catch. It is emasculating for a man to suddenly become "househusband". You may be sensitive to his feelings here.
2006-09-28 14:56:34 · answer #1 · answered by L.A. Scene 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You make a very logical point. But I can see why he is resisting. Maybe he still has the caveman mentality. Is he embarassed by what his peers will think? He shouldn't. Or is he afraid that he can't handle the kids all day? You should find out exactly why he doesn't want to be a SAHD. From my perspective you have a very good point. Although you should put yourself in his shoes. Would you be willing to quit your job if he was paying all the bills? How would you feel if he asked this request of you? Just an idea. It might help you two get on the same page. Once you two communicate all of the pro's and con's as well as your feelings about the issue than maybe you can come to an agreement.
I think SAHD are a great thing. Most kids don't get to know their dads that well and this is a great opportunity. And in this case, financially and logically it makes sense. Good Luck!!
2006-09-28 15:05:29 · answer #2 · answered by kristina 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that if it isn't costing you anymore with him working (meaning his salary is paying childcare and maybe bringing in a little extra) what is the point in creating havoic in your marriage just to get him to stay at home. I don't think you realize how hard it is to be a stay at home parent. You don't have near as much time to have adult conversations or anything like that. I love my kids but if I had to go back to being a stay at home mom I would absolutely refuse too. Think about this from his point of view...would you want to spend every waking moment with your children when you could be having some adults to converse with and possibly bring in some money?
2006-09-28 14:49:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I`m surprised you have to pay your mother in law other than expenses...cant you negotiate a cheaper rate for her..I see your husbands point but I think its a man thing...he feels he must be a bread winner...keeping weekends at work for the car insurance seems a good idea...I cant see any reason that Dads cant stay at home once they adjust they are equal to any task Mom can do..good luck which ever way it goes.
2006-09-28 14:48:16 · answer #4 · answered by geordie.lady 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It can be demoralizing to look at your bills and realize that one of you is simply working to pay for child care. You should look around for a great home-care that does not surpass your budget, like my daughter did. It can be found and can be such a relief. Neither of you should have to give up working to save money..it just takes asking co-workers, family, and friends for suggestions of daycares in your area. Our families need to have happy and fulfilled parents to become stable. Our society is expensive. So, if you both wish to keep working and see more moeny come in, you have to do your homework and find a daycare or day-home-care that you can afford and trust with your children. The effort is worth it for all of you.
2006-09-28 14:51:37 · answer #5 · answered by Kay 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a tough answer- most dads (and dont go yelling at me guys) tend to look at the stay at home parent role as more of a femanine role. It all goes back to the babble that was put in their heads while they were children. Most men still look at it as their job to provided for the wife and kids. In all honesty though you need to sit down and talk to him about the benefits of him staying at home. Mention to him that if staying at home isnt an option for him you'd be more then happy to stay at home and watch the kids-- as long as he got a job that would support the family. Try and break it to him simply- he might just realize he likes being Mr.Mom
2006-09-28 14:50:01 · answer #6 · answered by Faith 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think having the father stay home with the children is a great idea.
2006-09-28 14:47:32 · answer #7 · answered by Rosey55 D 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋