Don't want fiances' bachelor party to be at someones house?

Question

My only request to the best man was that they go out to a strip club instead of bringing strippers in. He is single, my fiance obviously is not and I know how bad these parties can be. Well, I just found out the best man, despite my one and only request, is planning it at someones house. I am very upset and do not know how to handle this. Its almost like if it will really hurt and bother me, his friends are even more excited about doing it. I know I am not marrying them but. The wedding is only 3 months away and I don't know that I can marry someone who can not stand up for me and ask for something different. I am not insecure just want real love and respect from my future husband, he has had a lot of time to get this stuff out of his system. I am just looking for some advice and opinions. Thank you

Answer 1

I agree with you completely. I'm really worried that my wishes won't be respected when it comes to the bachelor party. My fiance's best friend has absolutely no respect for me and his brother (who is his best man) is 19.....so, he usually think's its funny when I get upset about somthing. I don't really want my fiance going to a strip club either...because having a private lap dance in some back room is just as bad as anything, I think. I think the whole thing is disrespectful. I didn't tell him he couldn't go, but I told him I'm not comfortable with it. He said that's fine,but we'll see when the time comes.

Anyways..

I would definitely talk to your fiance about it. He should be mature enough to respect your wishes and to stand up to his friends. It's his bachelor party-they shouldn't do something HE isn't comfortable with. And hopefully he isn't comfortable with somthing that makes YOU uncomfortable.

Answer 2

I guess what your trying to say is you don't trust your man, if he really loves you he won't even think about doing anything crazy. So just tell him that you don't trust him enough to let him act like a big boy and go to his friends house so they can play together. Why would you marry someone if you get upset at little stuff like this. I don't know whats wrong with you woman if you do what your suppose to, stay in shape, and put it on him every single day some times twice a day you want have a problem. My man don't even think about doing anything that's why if he's out without me he'll invite my friends and family too cause he knows hes not going to do anything. I always make sure I **** him real good before he goes out so the only thing on his mind will be me. I suggest before the party you suck it real good then you ride the **** out of it and then you won't have to weary about a thing.

Answer 3

All that really matters is that your fiance knows where you stand. If you trust him to respect you, then it doesn't matter where they go.

I drive limos on the side and see both bachelor and bachlorette parties. What many women fail to realize is that guys are much more likely to act with a pack mentality. It is majority rules and they just go with the flow and do what the crowd wants to do. Because of this, most bachelor parties are planned secretly. In tons of circumstances ends up being something the groom doesn't necessarily love to do. But his buddies want to and it is an opportunity for a guy to go out with his buddies and hang out one last time. Because of this, I personally dislike strip clubs, but I can tell you that I highly doubt I'll be able to avoid one at my bachelor party next summer. Women are mostly the opposite...they tailor their party to the bride and almost always focus the activities around what the bride wants to do. Guys tend to throw parties WITH their buddies, girls throw them FOR their buddies. Both have pros & cons. Bottom line is that if you trust your mate, you got nothing to worry about.

As for the stories you hear about housecall parties, most are overhyped. The only difference between the average housecall and an average strip club is that the strip club is WAY more expensive because there is always a huge cover, and the beers are way overpriced, and you can (and liekly do) stay there all night. At housecalls, you are paying the girls the same tips, and you might end up paying a flat up front fee, but you'll save hundreds in beer, and they are there for an few hours and gone.

Answer 4

Is this a question about the bachelor party or whether you trust your fiancee?

If you are worried about what your fiancee is going to do at the bachelor party, I think you have some serious issues to consider. Trust is obviously a huge part of a marriage and if you don't have then you are missing something very fundamental. If you have to worry about him doing things at a his own bachelor party, how will you trust him in the future eg will he be going to strip clubs, what will he do if he goes to a mates bachelor party.

If you trust your fiancee, then none of this should be a problem. Sure you don't like what is going on but the reality is that the bachelor party is one part of the whole wedding process that is out of the bride's domain. You are controlling every other part but that doesn't mean you can control this part.

Answer 5

It's all about trust honey. All you can do is explain your fears to your fiancee'. And don't say that you are not insecure. If you were not insecure you would not be worried that he is going to do something that you don't want him to do. If he is going to do something wrong he is going to do it no matter where the party is held.

And to say that your husband is not standing up for you because he won't do what YOU want is selfish. If you are trying to control him now what will you be like after the wedding, after it's legal?

Are you having a bachelorette party? I am sure that your fiancee' has fears about what will go on there too, but maybe he is just willing you to let you do whatever you need to do to get anything out of your system too. Just a thought.

I say that you go with the flow because things only bother you as much as you let them.

Answer 6

How sad that your fiancee wants a bachelor party in the first place - how disrespectful towards you! My husband didn't want one - thought they were simply ridiculous/stupid - I was happy to hear it because I didn't want a bachelorette party.

I would reconsider marrying him. Bachelor parties are a clear indicator that the guy is not ready for marriage - he's still to immature and hasn't grown up fully. This doesn't sound good at all.

Answer 7

By definition, a bachelor party (also called a stag party, stag night (UK, Ireland and Canada), or bucks party (Australia)) is a party held for a bachelor shortly before he enters marriage, to make the most of his final opportunity to engage in activities a new wife might not approve of, or merely to spend time bonding with his male friends (often in his wedding party afterwards)...more
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bachelor_party

You're not married, yet! You're making rules about his bachelor party. You're on the verge of telling your fiance to choose between his friends & you. You're holding on too tight to the reigns.

I suggest that you ease up, and let your future husband & his friends have the best bachelor party ... with your blessing. If you can't get over your fiance having a bachelor party ... then how are you going to handle the tougher problems?

Answer 8

Your fiance is, in fact, single. It also appears that there is going to be a problem with trust after you get married. Since you don't trust him already, I think you should call the whole thing off. Going into a marriage with doubt is not a good thing.

Answer 9

WOW, you are very kind to even allow him to be able to go to the club, and then for the best man to do this. I would not accept this. I would tell him straight up. Let him know that you really don't appreciate it that you love him but you had asked him for one favor and that he went behind your back and did the one thing that you asked him not to do. You need to stand up for yourself. If not who knows what will happen in the future.

Answer 10

You said "I am not insecure just want real love and respect from my future husband"
I guess this is a one way street for you. What about Loving and Respecting him? If you did at least Love him, you would Trust him and know that he will honor you at this party no matter where it is. If that is to tall an order then he is the wrong man for you and maybe you need to do some growing up. BTW I have been married 14yrs.