Does anyone understand what I am going thru??

Question

My father died in Nov. of 2004 of cancer, ever since it has been extremely hard on me. I need someone with similar experience to talk to. Please take this one serious.

Answer 1

My mom died one year ago this week. She suffered terribly during her last 3 weeks. I had nightmares over it for a long time and I almost had a complete breakdown when I lost her.

She was my best friend and the sweetest lady in the whole world. It was not cancer which I understand can sometimes be very slow and very painful.

I understand your loss and your sadness. I wish that things in life were not unfair. Especially when someone could live to be 100 and they don't and when they have been a good, decent, loving caring person and yet there is not special protection for them.

And feeling even worse like you couldn't save them. I wanted to be her nurse I wanted to be there taking care of her as she took care of me. So much loss and sadness yes.

The only thing we can do is be happy for the times we had together. And recognize grief is part of life and we grieve for our loss for selfish reasons.

Most of the time the one who is dying knows it and has suffered long enough and is ready to go to have peace from all the pain. So that, we must remember. Our time will come too one day and we will understand.

I hope you did not have any unfinished business with your father and that you were able to hold his hand and tell him you love him. Please know that everyone who has gone through this feels for you.

Answer 2

My father is still living, thank the Lord, but I've lost alot of loved ones to different types of cancer. My grandfather passed away in November of 1990, and to this day, I expect him to be sitting in his recliner when I visit my grandmother. My other grandmother passed away 3 years ago after battling breast cancer (going through chemo 2 times and having a double masectomy), going into remission for about 5 years, then tested positvie for fatal bone cancer. It sounds like your fathers death has left a gaping hole in your life, but I'm sure he dosen't want you to grieve for him forever. Try to remember what he was like before he was ill, the times you shared, and celebrate the life he lived. You'll eventually be able to put it all into perspective, and cope better. Until then, keep on taking it one day at a time, and things will start to look up. I hope this helps you, even if it's just a little.

Answer 3

I am very sorry for your loss. I recently lost my own father in an car accident in Sept.02'. I have never been the same, and i probaly never will. Take the time to receive grief counseling to get out feeling you may not have been able to express. You may need more time to grieve. When my father was taken from me unexpectantly I did not grieve, I felt I could not. My younger siblings were taking the lost so hard, I had to be their rock. Take this advice. Those feelings can be toxic to your mind and spirit. He wouldnt want you to suffer that way. Go to counseling find someway to connect with him. Talk to him he'll hear u if you speak from ur heart.....my 9yr old taught me that! God Bless.

Answer 4

my dad's best friend, who was like an extension of my dad, passed away in 2001 of cancer. It was a horrible time in our lives and I still think about him every day. You never forget the pain of losing someone, but it does get easier. One thing I always tried to remember was how much he loved life and how mad at me he would be if he saw me moping around all the time. I also found/find great solace in writing and talking about him. At first it was hard to talk without breaking into tears but now, I love when I am able to chat with someone about something he did or I see something that reminds me of him and I smile now. It still kills me that he is gone and that he was taken from us way too soon, but I know he is no longer suffering and in pain and I know I'll see him again someday. Everyone is different and everyone deals with their grief in different ways. One thing I have learned is that keeping it inside and remaining quiet about it is the worst thing you can do.

Answer 5

hi my name is Belinda and I know what you are going through I lost my mother of cancer in 1992 and I still miss her. Her birthday is on September 11 anit that a kick in the head. I know what you going through the first year was the hard for me but with pictures of her and remembering the good time we had cheers me up a little. It hard to lose your parent or parent because of cancer or any other disease if I could have a way to cure it I would. And no one would suffer with that disease again or feel what we fell.

Answer 6

I sorry, I understand how hard it is when you lose someone you love.
my grandpa died of cancer too it happen 5 years ago but I still missed him very much, I didn't get to see him much after the doctors told him he had cancer because he was week and couldn't come to see us. Although it is hard to lose someone you love try to think of the good memories you two had together and when you feel sad or depressed tell yourself he is no longer in pain.

Answer 7

Oh, honey today I got the most terrible news in my life, my grandfather has cancer:(What can I do,?I am so upset, I am sitting in front of the computer trying to think about something else, and suddenly here is your question and again I think of my grandpa.I am so sad and I understand you, really.We should face the life, with all it's ups and downs :(

Answer 8

My dad died of cancer on January 1st, 1999.
I watched as he drew his last breath.
Above all that I learned, the best thing was to allow myself to grieve.

Answer 9

You will benefit also from talking to people who have not had similar experience. Be brave.The greatest tribute you can pay to your father is to act as you would have done if he were around.