My boyfriend taking a single woman (who has it bad for him) out for a beer????

Question

& I'm supposed to be okay with this?

Some exposition: I'm 29, he's 48. We're committed to eachother, or so I thought. He works in a business setting where it makes sense to dine with clients for breakfast & luncheons, but not dinner- never on his own time. I understand this & take no issue with it.

But there is this woman who lives down the street- closer to his age, never-married & she so disgustingly expresses her affection for him by rubbing up against him when I'm not around- he actually told me this (he says "I understand she's lonely.. I put up with it." To which, I, of course, say HA).

She needlessly touches him in front of me & is always asking him to do things around her house so that she can write him 10,000 emails to express her gratitude for one chore. I never check his email- I respect his privacy- but once again, he told me this.

Also, she circumvents me, snatching up his 9 year old son to fawn all over him (she has no kids), in such a way that she's pretending..

as though she, my boyfriend and his son are a cute little family unit. You can just get a vibe off of people that way.

The other night, he told me (after I was slightly drunk) that she had asked him if they could "go out for a beer sometime". He apparently didn't see anything wrong with this. He said that she also expressed her caveat, "Oh, I understand that you are in a relationship, and I wouldn't want to ruin that..(BUT).."

If he sees her, I'm leaving him! I swear it!

A bit of a switch to the story: he's taking his 9 year old son out for dinner tonight, it's supposed to be just the two of them, because they haven't done that in ages. I suspect though that this b*tch might just be going.. AAARGH.

I'm trying to keep my cool. I've always been the "non-jealous/schizo/psycho type of girlfriend". I'm so good to him and his son. I don't get it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please advise or sympathize. I'm going nuts. Thank you!

When he told me about the beer, I said "SOUNDS LIKE A DATE TO ME" he said, "come on.." and I kept repeating it, calmly. I must have said it 5 times. He KNOWS how I feel.

Answer 1

Have you talked to him about how you feel about the situation?

If he cares about you, he should be willing to stop "fraternizing" with the woman. I would expect this from my man, given all the elements of the situation at hand.

Honestly I don't think that asking him to be mindful of this would be psycho/jealous/scizzo/whatever-it-was-you-said in the least. If he cares about how you feel at all, it should be common sense to him.

Answer 2

Honey, I know men and I know hard up women even better.

She is trying to encroach upon your relationship and has the audacity to do it to you in your face so when it is all said and done, she won't feel like the dried up whore she is. I don't mean to sound so mean but I hate that women sometimes can't find their own man. I swear there is something in women (I guess the fact that there are so many of us and so few viable prospects in men) that makes a "taken" man even more of a conquest.

I believe that you should you let your boyfriend know that you as a woman (so he can respect this solely from your point of view) feel this woman has ulterior motives regarding the friendship. If she did not have plans to "make a move", why not invite you as well for that beer?

Also, I am sure your boyfriend is loving the attention. He probably can't help it, but I am sure that the idea of a potential catfight turns him on. On one side he has the "young and articulate girlfriend" that caters to the perpetual Peter Pan in him, and the "mature lonely woman" that may satiate his need to be a rescuer/comforter.

At my wise old age of 33 :), I have seen this scenario play out. Do what a smart woman should do:

1. Watch with your eyes open and your mouth closed. You must be careful about accusations right now;

2. Listen to your gut. That is your instinct kicking in and we as women seem to often ignore that;

3. Step up your presence between them without being overbearing.

REMEMBER, SLOW AND STEADY WINS THE RACE.

Good Luck to You!!!

Answer 3

You are right. He is probably being honest with you, about thinking of her as only a friend, because he doesn't realize what she is really after. I mean, why else would he keep you so well informed? However you know what she wants, even if he is blinded by her being overly nice to him, which does make a person feel special and good, and naturally we like to be around people that make us feel that way. But you need to put your foot down, and lay down the law. His actions are hurting your feelings, and if her feelings are more important to him than your feelings, well then, he'll have made his choice, and so will you have. Good luck.

Answer 4

Sit him down, tell him to stop talking to her or you're gone. She's way too pushy and she's making you uncomfortable. She obviously wants him and blatantly expresses that, which is totally inappropriate. I would go totally bonkers too. If this relationship is worth anything to him, he'll pick you over the lonely chick up the street who's looking for the family she never had. Ugh! I don't know how you put up with it so long - I'm getting pissed off and it's not even my boyfriend! Good luck sweetie.

Answer 5

Wow .. a real and well written question ... where have u been all my life ..?

I feel for u but ... if u think its cool to allow your boyfriend to go out with other women ... then ... reap the whirlwind.

I would disallow it ... if she is like u say she is. But if u put up with it ... I am not your gf and have no sympathy 4 u ... some people don't understand what anything feels like, unless it happens to them.

Tell him that I want to take u out for dinner ... and u just want to go ..because i seem very lonely ;-)


Dr Bad
The real Hitch

ps.. I'm not really lonely ;-0 ... just bad

Answer 6

You need to put this "relationship wrecker" out of commission. Permanently. This is how you do it. First, wait until your next yeast infection occurs, then, don't bathe for several days thereafter,next, wait until late at night to sneak over to her house,(this should be easy, considering that she lives just down the street) quietly let yourself in, disrobe yourself, and sit on her face while she is asleep. Note - - - Make sure to gyrate around a bit, in order to distribute the yeasty, vaginal secretions, evenly across her nose and mouth. Once she gets a taste of this (pun intended) she will assume that your boyfriends penis has been in contact with this stuff, and she will surely avoid him.

Answer 7

Well girl, I think in a not-so-threatening way, your man kinda likes the attention this female is giving out. Sometimes men don't see the "whole" picture of certain situations. In their mind, they're doing nothing wrong but we as women see things differently because we know how we are. If you know what kind of man he is and you trust him, leave him be but, maybe you should have a one on one with Ms.Thang and lay the law down to her.

Answer 8

your post made me so angry for u. how do u tolerate all this crap? honey, if u don't tell stuff outloud your man has no ability to know what's on your mind. u probably never expressed to him unsatisfaction with him seeing this woman, so probably he doesn't even suspect that u mind. maybe he even thinks that u won't mind his "mercy fu''ck" with her. so open your mouth, do not try to calm yourself that she is older than u so he won't like her more than u. age doesn't matter in women, how do they look and behave matters more. im 37 almost now, i had lots of men preferring me over some 20 year old girls in a snap. so open your mouth, stop this nonsense, how can he go out with his son and her? without u? if she is his friend he has, not has MUST take u with them. and do not listen this bull'''about work dinners. all dinners are made during working hours, if those re evening official events there re more than 2 people usually or wives re invited. THERE RE NO OFFICIAL EVENING DINNERS ONE ON ONE whatever he tells u about his work. so please start expressing yourself. i would want to know how is it going, so u can contact me on yahoo messenger.

Answer 9

tell him you do not mean to sound jealous and that he knows you usually arent the jealous type, but you have a ton of red flags going up when it comes to this woman. tell him you do not feel comfortable with this woman around him and you don't appreciate how he accepted her invitation even though he knows that she likes him. it is disrespectful on his part. if he really cares about you then he would not go.

even if there is an age difference between the two of you it does not make it okay for him to do this to you. put your foot down!

Answer 10

Wow chick sounds pretty messed up to me. I'm with you though. He shouldn't even be talking to this chick if she's this deep into him. And if he's as commited to you as you seem to be to him. Than you should be able to sit him down and say look I dont' like the fact that ur gonna take miss home wreker down the street out for a "beer".. WTF ever.. And just tell him ur feelings why this upsets you and so on. And if he still does it than I'm sorry but you've got ur answer it's time to pack up and leave him...