abstinence from intimacy?

Question

i love being in love and everything that comes with it but i'm starting to believe that being single and consequently not engaging in romantic affairs gives me more peace. 'cause if i fall in love, i fall for real & once it's over it hurts too much and it makes me totally shattered; emotionally & mentally. i love romance & passion but if it's not with the right person i don't do it. so i guess, what i'm really asking is for your opinion on coming to terms with being single and how to control your desire. i don't wanna feel it 'cause it makes me long for something i can't have.

thanks

Answer 1

Being single can have its own rewards. How can you control your desires? That is a more significant dilemma.

Answer 2

I think some people here are automatically assuming intimacy and desire to be purely physical. Emotional intimacy and the desire for connection are what I'm more or less reading from your question. I'm empathizing with your attitude right now because I'm experiencing a break with someone for whom I cared a great deal and foolishly found myself wanting too much from. He's under a great deal of stress from emotional disorders right now too which makes it harder because I want to be there for him as a friend and he is rejecting everyone.
It's hard to know who the right one is sometimes. There is no real instruction booklet for how to find or recognize this person, and I hope nobody refutes this and points to the Christian bible because we're not all of that faith.
Pain is a part of life. I know how you feel, wanting to become abstinent from taking a chance on the next love, or as we both probably are thinking, the next one who will tell us those three little words and then crush our heart.
But someone once said, "it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
Please don't convince yourself that it's something that you cannot have. Keep your eyes open, a smile ready on your face, and feel in your heart that you do deserve to find a connection with someone. Remember that you've bounced back before, laugh at the way you used to cry over the one before the last one, and then that person came along and you felt renewed.
Be happy that you are a person capable of feeling and giving love- there are far too many bitter and meanspirited people in this world who just wanna spread hate.
Keep busy though, find ways of spreading love in the community and romance and passion may just sneak up once again and for real.

Answer 3

Well, in the bible it says it is better to marry than to lust. Many people struggle with this. With romance and love, comes heartache sometimes. It is part of life. I guess you have been hurt really bad. But I wouldn't give up something that I enjoy and is important for a life of celebacy. Unless you can be strong and not lust. Pray hard and often. Or get married.

Answer 4

i know how you feel. trust me.

my best and most simple advice is to keep yourself busy with a lot of things so you dont have time to dwell on how you wish you were in love.

then, when you meet someone that you truly believe deserves your love, date them. dont just give your love to someone for the sake of loving.

may i suggest professional help to talk to someone about why you feel the need to constantly have intimacy. its a need a lot of women have, but there is almost always a reason and almost always something can be done about it.

good luck :)

Answer 5

Your first few loves are only practice for the one person you will truly love one day. Enjoy youth while you have it. Take a few chances with your heart. It is easier to get over a heart ache than to wonder what if the rest of your life.

Best of luck.

Answer 6

keep doing things that give you peace and one day someone will come along and you will be able to have a better relashionship then ever because you will know better who you are and what you will and wont accept in a man.
it's not worth the pain just to go with anyone that gives you attention.be patient....