What is it with MIL's being overbearing? I'm not pregnant yet but my mother-in-law has already told me that she wants to be in the delivery room AND she wants to take off 1-2 weeks after the baby is born. She doesn't mean to be overbearing I don't think but she is. She means well & I don't want to be ugly but my husband and I can handle it. My husband is her only child so I guess that is why she tries to be involved so much. I don't want to make my husband mad either. He is close with his mom and I'm close to her as well but when you have your legs spread you don't wanna show it to everybody!! She is one that will get mad if I tell her no so I guess I'll just not say anything and just let her...
2006-09-28 06:37:07 · 11 answers · asked by beachbum26 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Be lucky your kids will have an involved loving grandmother. You aren't even pregnant yet. It's too soon to worry. As a mother of 2, trust me, you will not care who sees what when you are in active labor. You will just want it to be over. Is it really that big of a deal for her to be there? Think of the great deed you will be doing by allowing her to be there. And you will have that to throw in her face if the need arises. Where if you do not, she may hold it over you the rest of your life. Take her up on her offer to help after the baby is born. You apparently know nothing about newborns. Yes, you can handle it but you will need all the help you can get. You are very lucky.
2006-09-28 08:32:57 · answer #1 · answered by dkwkbmn 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Unfortunately that's an awkward situation. My boyfriend's mom and I don't get along too great but she's a wonderful influence on his life and very supportive of us and a wonderful grandma. We tolerate one another. However, I am 37 weeks pregnant now and she knows she is not welcome in the delivery room. It's not her place. She can wait out in the hall or in the family waiting room but she may not come into my room when I'm giving birth. My mom is going to be there but then again she is my mom and I have told my mother she isn't supposed to "look" she can stay up by my head and be encouraging just like my boyfriend who is also not allowed to look. Just what does she plan to do in these 1-2 weeks that she's off work??? No way she's going to be around for two weeks!! I would tell her you are uncomfortable with her being in the room while you are giving birth... she should understand that. Also make sure she knows that you need personal bonding time with your baby after he/she is born and that you will be tired and will be learning how to be a mommy and that you need that time with your family. Not as though she isn't family but your close immediate family which is your children and your husband. And if she can't handle that then she's just going to have to be mad for a while- it's uncalled for.
2006-09-28 13:47:21 · answer #2 · answered by momofthreemiracles 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ha ha ha, I find it funny to come across this since I posted a question only an hour ago asking what on earth goes through these women's minds.
I don't actually have this problem, but I've heard of it, and I'm sorry that you do. I personally do NOT understand it, and feel the same you do about showing your stuff to the world. While it is natural, it is one's own.
My MIL is coming to stay with me after the birth, but only because my hubby is going to be on r&r FOR the birth and will be returning to Iraq about a week afterwards. Even if I go late and she's here for it, she wouldn't dream of asking to be IN there with me, and I wouldn't dream of letting her.
If you feel strongly about keeping your privates private, make a stand. If nothing else, talk to the doctor and see if you can have them do the restricting for you.
2006-09-28 14:20:05 · answer #3 · answered by desiderio 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell ur DR your wishes and they will ask her out. Liek that she wont know its your wishes. I hated my 1st MIL and she wanted me to have an abortion at 16 so I requested that she be no where near while I was in the delivery room she could visit after I delivered the baby.
My now MIL is wonderful and I asked her to be present during the birth of her 2nd grandson. She said no but eventually the curiiousity got the best of her. My mother was present for both my deliveries and I wouldnt have them any diffrently
2006-09-28 13:41:28 · answer #4 · answered by Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ Mom2two Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's your choice who you'd want in the delivery room. If you tell the hospital just you and your husband, then they won't let your MIL in. Just tell her you don't feel comfortable in the delivery room with her seeing you in that position. As for her taking some time off - suggest maybe the first week. Take advantage of that though, with her helping with the cooking and cleaning.
2006-09-28 13:43:11 · answer #5 · answered by jevic 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well.....i would tell her that you really are unsure abou thte birthing experience and would like to only be there with your husband. Afterall she wont be there when you concieve the child will she?
There is a nice way to say no.
She will understand. You can tell her to wait outside and her son will come get her to meet her grandchild. She will have to understand. Afterall, if you don't set those boundaries now - she will walk all over you later. Good Luck and start making a baby!
2006-09-28 14:04:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not MILs, it it grand mothers. Both will want to help, keep the deliver room personal and private, but be prepare to take the help. You may even need and want it. My daughterer told her mom she would call her when she needed her and wanted to to visit when she took my first grand daught home. We got the call at 2 a.m. when the baby would not settle down and stop crying. GD spent her first night cradled in GM arms while Mommy slept. May not be the same for you but be prepared and also make husband be prepared to stand up for you not his mom.
2006-09-28 13:48:01 · answer #7 · answered by Cars 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will be going thru enough giving birth- so you need to be comfortable, and anything that can be done to reduce stress or feeling uncomfortable- by all means, eliminate it. MIL does not need to be there. Explain that you would like this to be a private moment between you and your husband.
Its nice she wants to help, but if you're anything like me, you will still feel obligated to wait on her and entertain her if she stays with you for 1-2 weeks. You need rest. Unless she is truly going to HELP- I would say NO WAY.
2006-09-28 13:47:51 · answer #8 · answered by rottymom02 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some people will say that once you are in labor that you won't care who sees what....le t me tell you now that's a lie! You WILL care! If you don't want her there let her know now!! Or wait and make the doctor and nurses the bad guys- they'll make up something and she'll have to stay out.
2006-09-28 15:24:51 · answer #9 · answered by Alison 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would wait till you are actually a little close to being pregnant and being indelivery...But let me tell you..when you are pushing that baby out with your legs spread...you don't care who is looking...I had my delivery team...and the pediatrician team there...I was sure that they were watching me like I was a movie theater...deal with her when its time to deliver.
2006-09-28 14:08:41 · answer #10 · answered by mommy_2_liam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋