Must you love your mother?

Question

Having been widowed at 42 my mother brought 4 of us up alone. I am the youngest and have always had an up and down relationship with her. It came to a head 3 years ago, and we have not spoken since.

I did once love my mother, but now, to be honest, I don't think I will even shed a tear when she dies.

Has anyone had similar experinces? Is it wrong to hate someone to once took care of me?

I do however still allow her a relationship with my children. She was a terrible mother, but she is a good Granparent.

Answer 1

I had somewhat the same situation with my mother. She died in February 06. I was sad at the loss of her, however, she was never a loving, nurturing mother and I did not feel a great loss, I felt more of a relief and a sadness that she never admitted or apologized for her actions.
I had forgiven her and continued to respect her when I did have contact so I did not feel any guilt. Good luck. This is really a personal choice and you have to do what is best for you.
I think if you are going to be seeing her you must respect her as far as loving her that is a whole different story. How can you love someone who is not worthy of your love. However, everyone deserves respect if you are unable to respect her then you should not go around her or allow her around you. For the sake of your chidlren you must respect her, they will learn from you right or wrong. Be strong and good luck. Try to forgive her, by forgiving her you can begin to heal. Let it go, you cannot change what was, and just be the best mom you can be to your children. I feel in my mothers case she probably did what she thought was the best or it was her best at the time. Some people are just never mature enough to admit to their mistakes or apologize. So dont expect to much and you wont be disappointed. Good luck and God Bless

Answer 2

I don't have any children and my mother told me not to have any because I would be a horrible mother. My mother was and still is very abusive to me. I keep giving her chances and she just blows it every time. I changed my number and are moving and she won't be able to find me then. On her last visit she bought me old lady clothes, said I was a whore the way I dressed, she tried to take away my Angel DVDs and my Taebo ones as well. Then she told me to get rid of all my animals which I take in as an animal sanctuary, cut my long hair and perm it, get back to the Catholic church and forced all these things on me. I told her I did not consider myself Catholic and she has left me alone for two months but come holiday time she will be up my *** again. Thank God I'll be gone by then. Why does there have to be conditions to get her to love me. When my father died I wished it would have been her. I got unconditional love from my dad and he was my best friend too.

Answer 3

Its not bad to hate someone. You may feel that you wont shed a tear but when reality hits you that she is not there, thats when it will hurt. Im 21 and have had a very up and down relationship with my mum and only 2 weeks ago i said that i couldnt stand the arguements and i was happy and that she should carry on with her life and i should carry on with mine, it was 3 days later when i explained this conversation to my partner that i cried because they say your mother should be your best friend and i i felt like i had been cheated out of that, i havent had the best life or childhood and things the past few years have been hard but the past 2 month that i havent really spoken to my mum have been the best, i feel horrble to say that but im happy, before i felt like i was leading a double life trying to make everyone happy.things change and they changed alot between us. dont feel bad about it but remember hate is a very strong word and not to be used lightly, you allow your children to have their grandmother aswell which is great, i personally dont feel i will be able to do that. Maybe she is a good grandparent because she knows the mistakes she has made with you. Anyway dont feel bad about it.

Answer 4

This is simply an influence from the type of nation u live in. In Islam, you must love your mother. You judged yourself guilty by ascerting how caring she was and how she went it all alone.
These rare enough reasons to pamper her and overlook her shortcomings- whatever. I cant hang up the phone on my mother even at 39. To call her, i have to load so much credit on my mobile. I cant look her in the face either- out of respect and awe and great love for all she has done for me- that i cant really pay back.
I love her just so much. She has her shortcoming, but i always give her a strong understanding and smile at her failings. It takes a good from anyone to get stuck on my heart. It takes a million negatives to wipe out that singular good.
You sure love your mum, but you cant come round something else and u re putting the guilt on her sinless soul. Try and resolve yourself out of the problem and let her love rekindled and renewed and make it wax so strong. Its a strong passion- and it never intervene with theone i have for my wife and kid. Its like the matrix.
Please have a change of mind/herart.. We can talk more- if need be- please.

Answer 5

I had a LOT of troubles with my Dad. Alcohol, neglect, etc. There were a lot of times I hated him.

Things did get better as I got older. We never had much in common, but he had a lousy upbringing himself and I guess this was the best he could do.

Right or wrong, I did my best. There were good times too! He passed away about a dozen years ago. I felt that we had made our peace, and there was nothing left unsaid. I have no real regrets.

Do what feels comfortable for you.

There are relatives I don't like, but I still love.

Good luck.

PS Yes, they always have that trump card - how will you feel once they die! It's not fair, but odds are you will outlive them.

Answer 6

why was she such a bad mother or where you just rebeling for a reason you cant say you don't love your mother if you do you wouldn't care about what others think let me tell you something i nursed my mum for 18 yrs she was a cripple we never saw eye to eye but not all daughters do but and its a big but if your mother past away in the nite and you ain't spoke to her you will have to live with that for the rest of your days you should be ashamed of yourself let me tell you that what ever has happened put it behind you and berry the hatchet and speak to her im telling you i miss my mother so much they are your best friend how do you know how your mother is feeling at this time pick the fone up you dont have to but im telling you even if you dont like it you only get one mother you think about what you are doing give it a go before its to late what could she of done that was so bad if you allow her to be with your children

Answer 7

Um tough one ..I was bought up by Nan + Grandad through the mid 60's early 70's, although my Mum lived with us in the same house, she was young at the time she had me at 15 in 1964 that was considerd a No-No, but my Nan and Grandad took me on, my Mum became a Go-Go dancer in Clubs and we never saw that much of her, when she was about she was always bored of Home life,my Dad was never about sent to Prison b4 I was born for Armed Robbery !!! so..Anyway I never saw her as anything other than the woman I called Mum, but Nan and Grandad were special to me MORE..

As the years went by and Nan and Grandad died, I still had little feeling s for her, I see her lots now and care for her but I really don't think I love her, so I guess it's more than ok not to Love you your MUM.

Answer 8

Never ever shut your mother out of your life. Your mother is to be your friend , confidiant [ one to confide in} when there is no one else is around you but just her, the grandchildren and yourself.

Whatever the issues are and what happened between the both of you please by all means ask her forgiveness whether it was her fault, or your fault or not.

You don't know what is lying ahead of you in the future for yourself, her or children. Contact mother and tell her I LOVE YOU.

Hon this is not the time to be against her. Support her if she needs it any way of her area of life and yours also.

Answer 9

I'm 42 now. my natural mother left me in hospital 10 days old in 1964, my adoptive mother used me as a Punch bag, i left went into a children's home, left there at 17 1/2, been out here on my own ever since, now she is old and not so able to help herself, wants my help, i don't think so. its hard to be hard but she does seem to impress you on her grand-parenting skills so for you it may not be to late to build bridges together. good luck i hope everything works out OK.x.

Answer 10

Life is far too short, write her a letter and tell her how you feel. It must have been very hard for her to bring up 4 children on her own, while greiving for your father.

Try and make amends, if she'd not interested then at least you'll know when she goes that you did your best and there are no regrets.