As for my husband, I let him do what he has to do. either with friends, work , or family. Hi anger though is so bad. I can't handle it, I try to be as calm as possible. He punishes me by ignoring me sometimes for the whole day, only if I had made him upset. Or he plays mind games just by the way he talks. He makes me laugh sometimes, and we have good times. But now, the majority is his attitude. I feel I have lost who I am...he isn't worried about anything, he just keeps telling me to take care of his mother more than him, feed her, and watch out for her. I do everything for their culture, I even became vegetarian for him, go to customs like him, and do activities. When the whole family sits at the table, they all talk in their language, and nobody never talks to me, they laugh and joke, and I just have my head down. I know the first year of marraige is supposed to be hard, and I set mind to that, but is this right? should there be more comprehension from him? or am I asking too much??
2006-09-28 06:24:17 · 15 answers · asked by Christine 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Gosh, this situation really sucks for you! Have you considered going to counseling? What does your husband say when you tell him your concerns?
2006-09-28 06:26:12 · answer #1 · answered by coloradopsych 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not knowing the culture you're from or the culture he's from, it's hard to give you a good answer.
But, if you were planning on marrying someone from a totally different background/language as yourself, you really should have done some research before you said "I do" as to how wives and women were treated and what was expected from you. I'm not saying that wives are or should be subservient to their husbands, but different cultures have diffent thoughts on that issue.
Are you learning their language? Yes, they should try to include you in the conversation, but are you trying to speak in their language at all or just expecting them to accommodate you?
I'd say you need to talk to your husband or even go to a marriage counselor (if that's possible). Did you have any sort of pre-marriage counseling at all?
I just finished up my first year of marriage and I didn't find it hard at all. A bit of adjustment getting used to another person underfoot and having to compromise more but then he had to do some adjusting as well.
2006-09-28 06:32:45 · answer #2 · answered by parsonsel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry you're having such a hard time, your husband sounds to me like a jerk. I don't know if this is an arranged marriage, because it sure sounds like it. It is evident that you're doing your part, being patient and adjusting to the whole setup, but he seems to not really care much about your feelings and most of all, he sounds like he has zero respect for you.
I don't know what I'd do if I were in your situation. But it probably won't hurt to try to talk to him. You need to be strong though, and not budge when he tries to dominate over you and acts like a child by not speaking to you because he's upset. But if that doesn't work, I advise you LEAVE. You don't deserve to be in this sort of environment and you need to be in a family that treats you with respect and kindness. Life is too short to waste your life over someone who cares very little about you.
2006-09-28 06:53:26 · answer #3 · answered by the_memory_of_ashes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should never have to change who you are. He knew who he married, why would he want to change you? And why would you allow yourself to be changed? I mean there is always a little "give and take" in marriage, but if you seriously feel you have lost yourself, then there's a huge problem! and if its like this the first year of marriage, can you imagine what it will be like in 5 years? Do you think that everything will be completely different? I don't see if happening.
2006-09-28 06:28:55 · answer #4 · answered by waterglint 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you got married to some african guy who treats you like one of his sheep, better get out of this very soon before he will damage you for life SORRY SORRY SORRY, but watch on your self and gather strenght and do the right thing, its not gona be easy for you, I am the most shocked by the fact that his family talks in their own language without including you, thats does not mean first year hardship
2006-09-28 06:29:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are not asking too much
actually you have not ask for anything
I am married to a different culture than my own
but the wedding I told him what I am willing to put up with
I also note that I am willing to lear his culture but will not be force into it they have always avoid speaking in language that i would not understand
you need to make it clear to them on how rude they are
if that don't work you should go behind his back to start learning his language and suprise him
2006-09-28 06:33:55 · answer #6 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After reading both questions, I have to wonder why you married this man in the first place.
He's asking too much of you, and his mother shouldn't even have ANY say over you.
Get professional family/marital counseling.
2006-09-28 06:28:17 · answer #7 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey - get out!!! You are not a slave nor are you someone's property. You are your own person - KEY WORD - PERSON!!!! Divorce his sorry A**! Find someone that will love you for who you are with all of the heart, mind, body and soul. You only live life just once - make it worth YOUR while - as for "mommy dearest" - to hell with her - she's lived her life - now it's your turn - get out while the going is good. May God Bless You and good luck!!!!!
2006-09-28 06:35:27 · answer #8 · answered by Marine Mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not asking too much from him. He justs needs to be human toward you and treat you like a wife. I would be upset if I had to deal with husband like yours. Try telling him how you feel. There will be a breaking point for you eventually.
2006-09-28 06:40:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
In some cultures, the husband's mother rules the house, and the daughter-in-law is seen as her personal slave. either live with it, disobey and expect to get beat for being rude to her, or divorce him. It isn't going to change. hius mother will always be first with him, you are just his property
2006-09-28 06:29:22 · answer #10 · answered by judy_r8 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋