What IS it with mothers-in-law these days?

Question

I keep hearing/reading about MIL's who are inviting themselves and/or expecting to be IN the delivery room when their grandchildren are born. What is up with that? I know not everyone is lucky enough to get great in-laws, but being pregnant myself, this subject just baffles me. I know it's the miracle of birth and all, and grandparents can get excited, but around that baby is a LOT of personal info that not everyone needs to know. Miracle of birth or not, that just seems like TOO much information to have about your DIL. What are they thinking?

For the record, I do NOT have this problem with my MIL. I'm just wondering if anyone knows what on earth goes through these women's minds who insist so forcfully on being present for this.

Answer 1

Whew! I thought maybe I was alone on the subject! I requested just the dr. and nurses (and my husband, of course) just so they wouldn't think they could be there. I know my own mom would have liked to have been there, but even THAT was a bit of a toss-up for me. So, I played it safe and said nobody could come in.
They were in and out during delivery, though, and that was still weird. My husband's dad is not his biological, and I'm the lucky woman who got to be the only pregnant one in his immediate circle. I felt like an animal at the zoo, the way he was looking at me every time I had a contraction.

Answer 2

When it comes down to it nothing has changed the MIL will always be like this. Get used to it. And when it comes time to have the baby, you probably won't care about who is in there. When I had my first child we lived far away from our families so there wasn't anyone there for the birth of our first baby. I feel like everyone missed out on all the extra love and support. But with the other two births of my children everyone and their brother was there. It is up to you, you need to make sure everyone knows what you want and how you feel. You never know this could actually benefit the relationship between you and your in law. Just think about it. LIke I said you might not even care when it is time to deliver. I just might be the more the better. Good luck with whatever you do.

Answer 3

They are just excited like the others and want to be included. This is a delicate situation; you wouldn't want to hurt her feelings or make your husband mad, but at the same time you don't want her seeing what God gave you! Maybe a compromise would be to offer, If possible, the mother n law staying a couple of days with you and the baby after you get home from the hospital. That way she still feels like she is involved in everything and you can keep your dignity.



Additional Note:

My MIL is in the nursing home with Alteimers (I know I spelled it wrong..lol) ; I wish I could have had the chance to know her and to hear stories about my husband when he was younger. I understand that they can be overbearing and get on your nerves, but in all you are lucky that they are around.

Answer 4

I think if mother in laws want to have something to do with your baby then its great. They did after all raise your hubby, and you aproved of him right? I love my mother in law as if she was my mom. And feel bad if others have tough ones. But my mil wanted to be in the delivery room and I said no. She respected that. Good luck to the rest of you. Oh ya and my real mom did not even come to the hosptial. So some support is better than none. I suggest taking what you can get.

Answer 5

Sounds like a proverb I once heard:

"Italian men adore their wives,
Spoil their mistresses,
But, the only woman an Italian Man will ever LOVE is Ma-Ma".

I would agree with u'r situation ... too much!!! 20 year (+) umbilical cord needs snipping!!! What happened to the good old days of everyone in the waiting room??? Ah, could you imagine tapping that?

I've heard that a woman's sexuality really is in giving birth, and since u'r "M-I-L" is probably outta baby making range, she's living vicariously through you. This can be to your advantage if you politly decline & keep her out of the delivary room ... BABY SITTERS RuLe (giggle).

Answer 6

I don't know. My MIL is pretty awesome - she would never have asked to be in the room. She was there 3 hours after baby was born though. I can't blame her - afterall it was her first grandchild and she loves her tremendously.

I think those MIL's that insist on being there are already crossing bounderies. I think if you don't set them fromt eh get go then you will get walked all over....not a good way to begin.

Answer 7

When i had my son 4 years ago my mil at the time wanted to be there... i told my husband absolutely not- i couldnt stand her- she probably would have pushed the doc out of the way to do it herself because he couldnt do it good enuf!!! after my son was born everytime she came into see us- she would immediately take him from whoever was holding him and not give him back till she left!!! as it was tho i only wanted my husband and mom in there but in the middle of pushing the baby out- my dad showed up and the nurse came in and asked if he could come in- at that point i couldnt have cared who was there i just wanted it done (exept for the mil! lol!!!)

Answer 8

I know what you mean. My fiances mom wanted to be there with me the whole time since my mom lives so far away and couldn't be there for the birth. After 26 hours of labor an an emergancy c-section I was really glad that I said no thank you.

Answer 9

LOL!! I toatlly agree. My mother-in-law wanted to be there. AND the worst thing was--my husband wanted her there too! I straight up told him that she wasn't going to be in there and that was that. Unfortunatly my husband was deployed when I gave birth. If he hadn't I would have only wanted him in the delivery room. I ended up having my mother and sister in there with me for moral support. I don't know if this hurt his mom's feelings. I feel bad if it did but she just wouldn't have comforted. Instead of being there to comfort she would have made it into how she felt--and made me feel like crap.

Had my husband been there it would have just been him with me in the delivery room. My mother and sister wouldn't have been there--his mother either.

UGG--I really dislike her sometimes. She tries to be nice and supportive but in reality is the complete opposite.

Sorry if I went into a rant but it still bothers me to this day!

Answer 10

Anyone who invites themselves into YOUR delivery room is out of line. It's completely a personal choice that you should be able to make without worrying about who's going to get their feelings hurt.