"The Christmas Star appeared,
On a very special night,
And to this day it still shines,
With it’s pelage of love and peace"
I'm not sure... I like it but I think it is not properly writen... or something it sounds funny... help people!! please!
2006-09-28 05:51:48 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Languages
The star appeared on Christmas,
which was a special night.
It shines bright up till today,
with its pledge of love and peace in white.
[brain's dead - can't really think of other combinations]
2006-09-28 06:02:43 · answer #1 · answered by chemistry_freako 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Christmas Star appeared
On a very special night
And to this day it still shines
With love and peace so bright
You want your poem to rhyme. Night rhymes with bright.
Your little poem now flows smoothly.
2006-09-28 13:19:15 · answer #2 · answered by no nickname 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've never heard the word "pelage". (Unless the word is actually "pillage"). You could change the last line to "With it's light of love and peace".
The rest of the poem sounds just fine. However, you need a period after the second line.
2006-09-28 12:58:26 · answer #3 · answered by ☼Grace☼ 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
The Christmas Star appeared
On a very special night
And to this day it still shines
With the promise of Love and Peace as its plight
How about that?
2006-09-28 12:55:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋
i think you may think it sounds funny cause the little saying doesnt flow well....usually poems will rhyme or have a flow going....try
On that Special Night
The Christmas star appeared
and bright, it still shines above
With its promise of peace and love
i dunno just play with it a little....thats a little softer sounding though :>
2006-09-28 13:03:52 · answer #5 · answered by MTE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How's this for an ending:
"...for peace and love, shining bright."
2006-09-28 12:58:12 · answer #6 · answered by GreenEyedLilo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
did you mean to say: with its pledge of love and peace.
Note spelling of pledge, and no apostrophe on its.
2006-09-28 13:00:32 · answer #7 · answered by Arnold M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
.....with love and peace burning bright.
2006-09-28 12:54:26 · answer #8 · answered by who be boo? 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
sounds great!
2006-09-28 12:54:53 · answer #9 · answered by Rob 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
looks ok
2006-09-28 12:53:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋