I met my fiance a year ago... we argue about everything?

Question

Our main arguement is that i am too hard on our 4 yr old daughter. our daughter just started pre-k she won't listen to her teachers or us. since my fiance and i had our last talk i kinda stepped back from disipling our daughter and watch as my fiance does. but nothing seems to work at disipline. we take her toys from her... stand her in a corner or make her lay in her bed and we spank her, but she just doesn't seem to learn from it.... an\m i doing something wrong or what is the problem?

Answer 1

Obviously there is a deeper issue going on here. I'm assuming that either your 4 yr old is either your biological or your fiance's biological daughter, but that you didn't not have her together since you stated that you met your fiance only a yr ago.
Maybe your daughter is acting out because she upset about your relationship and that her biological mother/father is no longer apart of the family. Or it could be that she acting out because of the disagreeing that you and your fiance do. Do you argue in front of her? You need to keep your arguments in private and make sure she is not included or apart of the argument.
As far as disciplining, since you have basically tried everything in the book, then why don't you and your fiance try sitting down with her and asking her what is wrong, and why she is acting out? I know she is only 4, but you would be surprised as to what she may say. If she doesn't want to talk while both of you are present, ask her who she would like to talk to, or if she would want to talk to both of you separately. Then after speaking with her you and your fiance should speak in private about what she has told you both. Good luck, and remember that spanking your child is not an effective form of discipline. It just teaches her to hit others. I hope everything works out.

Answer 2

First of all, you guys need to present a united front. If she sees you two arguing she will know that she can get away with more. You guys should come up with a way to save arguments for when she is at school or in bed. If you argue about it, my guess is that you aren't agreeing on certain ways to handle things and if you don't agree....my next guess would be that there are inconsistencies in the parenting. This is not an unusual issue. Unfortunately no matter what you try, it won't work if it is not consistent. Go back to the basics...time outs and things. Make sure you are firm and consistent. Only after you BOTH have genuinely stuck with it for a while, should you move on to the next thing. Also, make sure you work closely with her teachers while you try to alter these behaviors.

Answer 3

well I bet your daughter is seeing the way you guys behave. I suggest you talk to your wife about 1 was to discipline, and 1 way to give good discipline.

Bad kids get:

Time out; same time as age of kid
spankings; not suggested, but parents do it
no toys; take away for a day


good kids get:

MC. Donald's
Toy at the $ store
Go to park

There are many things you can do. If my kids are bad I use time out and I have an egg timer for each kid. They set there own and stay there till it rings.
If they are good they have sticker charts(link at bottom) If they fill the charts with stickers they get a good behavior thing. (Most the time they pick a toy at the $ store.)

But the biggest thing is that you and your wife need to agree on how both of you do this. You both have a large part in fixing this problem.

http://www.latitudes.org/behavioral_charts.html

Answer 4

A child learns what the see. If you and your bf argue that should be done in private and not in front of the child. She should get time out for 15 mins the first time / 20 mins for the second time and 30 minutes with no toys the third time afterwrds. Each night should be a sit down and talk time at the table with the 3 of yous. Know what she did at school, how she did. If she got introuble at school you should ask her why she acted like that . Shows that you and your bf are interest in wht goes on in her life.Sounds like she's lacking attention.

Answer 5

i imagine that you both could sit down and communicate it out. in the previous you do although you should carry out a touch soul reckoning on no matter if he's nicely worth holding. You reported that you've been jealous contained in the starting up of the courting imagine lower back if there changed into any reason to be. trust is an important ingredient in a courting, and if there is not any trust, then you honestly may besides ruin it off. As for the dancing with yet another guy, changed into it a innocuous dance? changed into there something irrelevant contained in the dance? If no longer then per chance once you communicate over with him, tell him the way you experience about him conserving that over your head. It changed into contained in the previous, time to bypass on. If he can not look to allow go of that one incident, then that is a demonstration that he will attempt to regulate you with it by attempting to make you experience to blame and lower back down in an project. per chance you should arise with an settlement that you gained't elevate previous incidences once you 2 argue. Arguing is a truth of existence in couples, yet i wish this can be one a lot less argument you adult men would have. reliable success.

Answer 6

WOW... people still punish their children?! Good for you for being a GOOD parent!

She is probably going through a little phase. My dad always had this technique with me and he never had to actually "punish" me. He would sit me down and talk to me and make me USE MY BRAIN and think about what I was doing was wrong, and I had to tell him what I done wrong, and why it was wrong. Then I ended up being sorry and feeling bad, and he said that was punishment enough. I only got sent to the corner about a billion times (which I hated because the corner stunk because my parents smoked), only was spanked twice in my life, and was grounded a lot.

Stick with your rules. Repetition of rules and consequences is the key.

Hope things work out for you!

Answer 7

Maybe shes acting out because thats not her daddy.

You say you only met him a year ago and area already engaged. Your daughter went 3 years wtihout this guy now he comes and takes her mommys attention away. Acting out is the way to get it back. And having him discipline her is just wrong. She should respect him, however you are her mother and should be the one disciplining. To her he is nothing, so far.

You cant expect her to understand what is going on and how come you met this guy and now hes going to be her daddy. Take it slower.

Answer 8

Instead of disciplining her like that try going down on her level and talking to her calmly. Don't get mad, have a normal conversation. First ask her why she's so upset, don't interrupt. Then tell her why she can't do what she wants to do and that it's wrong to hit people or whatever she's doing. Don't tell her to never disobey you, which is what most parents want to say to their kids, that is sending the wrong message and will be acted upon most likely when she gets older. Just treat her like she's an adult that you need to correct and guide more. Talk her through her actions and be understanding when she's upset.

Answer 9

Whoa, back it off. This child is only 4. She may not be emotionally ready for school. She might have learning disabilities, and, she is learning to live with a relatively new person in her life. I have found that sometimes we micro manage our children and make them nervous wrecks. If your daughter isn't hurting anything, let her play, let her be a child. Ease up on her a little. You can expect her to have good manners, not tear things up, and talk politely, but relax. Remember she is a child, not a little adult.

Answer 10

It shows that you are trying to be a good parent. I am from the school that spanking only works if the child knows better. I deserved many spankings and only got 3 of them. I would have been better off with more! If your child doesnt know know or cant comprehend cause & effect, do not spank her as you will cause her damage. You might need to get some professional help.