My boyfriends father died five years ago...I am not sure how...he doesnt really talk about it. He has days where it really bothers him and he gets down...the one and only time he opened up to me about it he said that he just cant deal with the fact that his father will not be there to see him graduate from college,or see him get married, or hold his grandchildren...it was heart-wrenching! I feel so bad and want to comfort him but I dont know how! I cant imagine losing one of my parents...he pulls away from me....do I let him be? I never know what to do...I usually just give him a quick hug and then leave him to himself...but I dont want to come off as uncaring...I love him and I truly hurt for him but I just dont know how to help. Anyone with advice please feel free.....and be sensitive...this is serious.
2006-09-28 05:50:23 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
My husband has lost his father also and there are days that he goes through much the same things you are speaking of,I just listen to him for as long as he wants to talk or cry or whatever. I think if you ask your boyfriend to talk about some of his favorite memories he had with his dad and get him to open up about what happened maybe you could comfort him that way? Celebrate with him the life of his dad instead of mourning with him on the death. No one knows your boyfriend like you do so just try to do what will help him the most,You sound very caring and I am sure you will figure out how to help ease his pain.
2006-09-28 05:59:20 · answer #1 · answered by moontreefairy76 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I lost my mother 17 years ago and there are days when I break down like she died only days ago. It's harder for some than others to deal with. I would just let him know that you are there for him if he needs it. When someone knows they have your support it's comforting even if they never come to you. When you lose someone close to you, there's really nothing anyone can say that will make it all better. He's going to pull away. I did and sometimes I still do because it is hard. Just offer your support. You won't come off as uncaring. :O)
2006-09-28 12:59:40 · answer #2 · answered by caramellatte 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Five years is a long time to still grieve. There is a natural process of grieving that is natural and normal. But if the grieving process lasts too long he could be in a depression and having trouble getting out of it. Does he sleep too much or does he have trouble sleeping? Is he happy one minute and the not the next? Does he have an appetite or non at all? Any thing out of the ordinary can clue you in on if your man is clinically depressed. How many good days does he have? You can find information on depression online ...look for the signs and if they are there then maybe he should seek therapy.
It is hard to help someone in clinical depression. You can point him in the right direction and also try to be positive about life and things. Try to get him out to do things that will help him forget a little bit.
2006-09-28 12:59:50 · answer #3 · answered by Just being myself! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, this may or may not help, but this is how a good friend of mine got through to "me" when I lost my father
7 years ago. When he died, It felt like my world had drop out the bottom of my heart. I felt sad, angry, and sometimes "both" at the "same" time! So he suggested I do this. He said because being angry wasn't going to bring my father back, and it wasn't helping me to "be" mad, I needed to create a "good memory bank." Yeah, at first I thought," uh huh, yeah right! But you know what? It
actually helps with the pain. In my mind, I had to go back in time and gather all of the wonderful memories, good times, ect. Then mentally put them together. When I miss him and feel like the pain is way too much, I go back and remember something we did together that made us smile.
And it makes me smile "again." I promise, if he really tries to do this, it does work, and it's easier to do, and less emotionally draining than staying upset. That's all I can offer for advice. Good luck, and God bless.
2006-09-28 13:07:32 · answer #4 · answered by Republican!!! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you're doing all you can right now just being there for him when he needs you to be. Each of us mourn differently and five years really isn't a long time... plus no one should ever be given an expected time to get over the loss of someone.
2006-09-28 12:55:35 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry . All I can say is when my boyfriend is down . AllI can do is tell him I'm lways there for him and that I love him. No matter what. Just say if you ever want to talk about it I'm always there. And tell him that you really care about him and how much he means to you. I'm so sorry for his lost. Just be there for him and be a great loveing girlfriend.
2006-09-28 13:07:47 · answer #6 · answered by kitty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just listen ,comfort him in his time of trobles, my brother in law does the same thing but he call for his dad in his sleep and i can say hug & love & listen.
2006-09-28 14:46:52 · answer #7 · answered by mojajazmo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just be there and comfort him cuz sometimes you feel that being by urself helps but having some1 by your side helps more... things like that take time so just be patient and be there for him
2006-09-28 12:56:34 · answer #8 · answered by LEsley 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just be there for him and LISTEN... Can't stress that enough, we have being told how to handel things.... you sound like a great girl... stay with him as long as its healthy and just try to work things out.
2006-09-28 12:53:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just be there to listen
2006-09-28 12:52:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋