I have a 11 year old and a 15 year old. I believe it is my 15 year old. When I ask her she is completely on the defensive. I do not know how to stop her.
2006-09-28 05:49:04 · 9 answers · asked by keetahay 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Have you questioned the 11-y/o in the same manner as the 15-y/o? Have you questioned them together? Together one is likely to crack or the guilty one is likely to slip up verbally or non-verbally, as a mom you probably know what their body language means. Make sure you aren't just blaming the older one because the younger one is just as capable of doing it even if she is typically the better behaved one. Have you even questioned the older one about doing something before that it turned out she didn't do? What was her reaction if so, same as now...and vice versa, when she was guilty and confronted, what was her reaction?
You need to sit both kids down and have a serious discussion, not a confrontation but a discussion. The innocent one needs to hear these things too to make sure she never exhibits the behavior in the future. The guilty one is really only exibiting typical child behavior where she is testing her limits and trying to keep up with all her friends. So don't get overly upset, speak in a calm but stern manner, not yelling or attacking or insulting. Explain that you have been missing money. Explain what theft is, that it is a crime with serious consequences (maybe at home isn't the only place this is occurring). Explain so that Both your kids can understand that as a single mom you need money to keep a roof overhead and food in their bellies.
Personally, I would offer up amnesty if the guilty party fesses up right then, i.e. you cannot punish her for it at that time. It is more important to find out who is doing it and then get her to tell you why she has felt the need to do it and see if there is some way to resolve the issues and stop this behavior than to see that she is punished. However, explain that if the behavior continues, there will be consequences and clearly lay out what those consequences will be...first offense, second offense, etc.
If it is your 15-y/o and she really needs or wants extra money and you don't have it to give her for extra chores, you are able to sign papers that will allow her to get a job for like 20-hours a week. I worked at McDonald's when I was 14. So discuss the possibility of her working part-time or doing some babysitting to make some extra spending money and earn some responsibility.
If the guilty one does not fess up, explain that failure to confess at this time will result in very serious consequences when you do catch her as she is not only stealing but lying to you and that cannot be tolerated. How serious...call the police when she is caught. You can also call around and see if there is a Scared Straight program in your area where they do a day field trip to the jail and let them see exactly what the real consequences are.
No confession...Get a video camera or nanny cam type camera (look under 'surveillance' or 'security' in the yellow pages) and leave you wallet in plain view. See if you can confirm who is doing it? Simplier, same shops have dye that can go on the money or your wallet that will not come off for days. Once you confirm who it is and have proof, and parental discipline is not working, you have to take it seriously. Call the police and have her sent to jail for the night. She is a juvenile and it will never show up on her record as an adult. If you allow it to continue beyond that, you are not doing your daughters any favors by trying to be nice mom. She will only end up getting more arrogant and starting to take things from stores and screwing up her whole life when she gets caught as an adult. (And yes I am a Mom)
2006-09-28 07:31:30 · answer #1 · answered by nativeAZ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to them both as adults. Explain to them all the bills and where the money goes to provide them with all of the comforts they have. Electricity, cable, mortgage, car payments, etc.. Then let them know that if you find out who is steal ling from you That all of these things will be taken from them. I just went threw this myself and the oldest boy is now on his 4th day of no phone,tv,or lights in his room.. He gets food a shower and a bed that is all!
2006-09-28 13:08:08 · answer #2 · answered by lost now found 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to talk to your kids together or one-on-one as adults without screaming and yelling - it might just work. If not, put all of your good valuable things in your bedroom (in a safe) until you get to the bottom of this. Honestly, your child could be going through something emotionally. Or it could be peer pressure. Good Luck.
2006-09-28 13:16:12 · answer #3 · answered by loves2dream2003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you call the police department not 911 .......you explain the situation to the officer on the phone and he comes out and has a discussion with your 15 year old about respect and stealing from mom....... this usually can clear it up .......My buddies son was smoking weed all the time , so he called and explained to the cops .........they came out and let that boy know that smoking weed was not cool at that age , and that respecting your parents is what was cool ................it seemed to do the trick ........police officers like these deals because they get a chance to really make a difference in someones life , without having to slam the cuffs on some criminal........its like preventitive mantince ........
2006-09-28 13:02:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't leave your wallet or money out in plain sight.
Leave a not in your wallet that says "I'm disappointed in you for doing this. - Love, Mom."
If your relationship with her is combative, tell BOTH children that you will call the police and have them arrest the person you catch stealing. Mean it.
If it happens again, call them.
2006-09-28 12:55:26 · answer #5 · answered by drumrb0y 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cut her hands off, sell all her stuff on ebay, if she's being defensive she's defo lying. don't accept it, get her arrested to teach her a lesson or install a camera to catch her in the act. I know a guy who bust his housemate going throgh all his stuff when he wasn't there by leaving his web cam on.
Whatever you do don't let her walk all over you!!! stand up an give her some **** she'll never forget.
2006-09-28 12:54:52 · answer #6 · answered by jonny Atlantis 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is this persons baby! She is not going to sell her stuff or have her go to jail! Lets be realistic
how about sitting down and talking to her like she is a grown up? And telling her how bad it hurts that she would do something like this behind your back.
2006-09-28 12:58:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hide your money and show her no mercy. She probably think its ok to do this. Have you wondered what she is doing this with $$$$?
2006-09-28 13:03:14 · answer #8 · answered by Photographer 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
hide your money
2006-09-28 12:52:31 · answer #9 · answered by §†reet R¥dA 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋