I have 2.5 yr old step daughter, and i can't seem to bond with her, even though she lived with me her whole life (2) I get so impatient with her, and i see my self often getting irritated at her. I have a daughter of my own who is the same age, and i look at her in differnt way. I don't get impatient with her, and i'm not irritated by her crying when she does. On the other hand, step daughter tantrums drive me nuts (her crying does) My husband says and has seen that i often baby (as he calls it) my daughter more then my step daughter (which is more like mine) I don't know why i feel this way, and what i should do. I want to have the same bond with my step kid, as i do with my biological kid..what should i do?? am i crazy to think this way?? help me How long does it take to bond with your stepchild?? should i go and see counsler??
2006-09-28 04:47:24 · 12 answers · asked by kayt 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It is normal to have different feeling for your biological children verses your step children.
Try duplicating evrything you do with you own child with your step child. Hugs, kisses, reading, playing etc the bond will grow with time...
2006-09-28 04:50:18 · answer #1 · answered by shughes2000_2000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is natural that you have a stronger bond with your own daughter because you carried her and gave birth to her. You need to change you mind set about your other daughter though. She is not your Step-daughter, she is your daughter, your child and depends on you for learning, support, safety and everything else. She did not choose the situation she is in and she will love you unconditionally if you will let her. She wants to love you and probably does like her only mother, but if you hold back because you feel that you are being unfaithful to your biological daughter, you will create problems with you and your husband, between the girls and between you and her. Right now you have a HUGE opportunity to make a big difference in that little girls life. Don't miss it...Both of those girls need you and they need you the same... If you can not do it on your own, seek a good counselor...
2006-09-28 04:55:11 · answer #2 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Defentatly seek counseling! Your step daughter is acting out because she also see's your bonding more with your biological daughter. Kids see and feel more than we realize.
If your a stay at home mom, why not try and have their nap times at different times, so you can bond without the other around.
She probably isn't feeling your love. Your story shows that your lacking in it too.
Councelors will have differnet areas they'll be able to help you in as far as bonding and feelings.
She needs you too!! So, seek counceling real soon! Really! It's not fair to her for your lack of compassion, and it's not your fault you lack in patience. With counceling, you'll find that.
Good luck honey! Keep loving her!!
2006-09-28 04:56:03 · answer #3 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should seek help. Because if you can't bond with her you can't bond with her dad. You are not fair. Take it day for day. You are probably irritated because your child and her are the same age. Don't miss treat that child. You don't want nobody mistreating your child. Put the shoe on the other foot. Think about it what if you were 2 and you was the stepchild. Love that child as if she was yours. Since you said she has been there since she was little (whole life). Tell her dad how you feel about his child.
2006-09-28 04:54:44 · answer #4 · answered by red334chip 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you keep looking and considering her your stepchild. Let that GO./ she is your child now. I think that you need to leave your biological daughter at home, take your other daughter.. just you and her.. go do something fun, get to BONDING. its hard, im sure.. because your not really her mother. But you need to start letting go..... and have special time with her. She probably senses that you feel that way. Especially if you dont baby her like your other daughter. GOOD LUCK
2006-09-28 04:53:58 · answer #5 · answered by 2girlsmother 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is something that is going to take time and something that you cannot force. Just continue to make an effort to treat her the same as you treat your daughter and baby her when you are babying your daughter. Eventually things will come together but it will take time and it is a delicate situation. Especially with that age group, two year olds are hard to deal with no matter what! Just give her time and let her grow up and understand the situation better.
2006-09-28 04:50:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you areent wrong for thinking that way. It will take somethime for this step child to bond she may feel as though you are trying to take her mommys place when you really arent. Try not to show too much favoritetism toward youre child. I know it will be hard but you need to treat them equally. A family that grows together stays together!. Good luck!
2006-09-28 05:40:12 · answer #7 · answered by daddy's lil princess 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just have to give her time she is still a baby she don't know the difference.....it is normal that you are going to care about your daughter more and baby her more that is your blood running threw her...so just relax and give it time...you will have time later to bond with her...just don't do to much favoritism because then your man will see that and that will cause problems between the both of you....okay good luck!
2006-09-28 04:53:57 · answer #8 · answered by MZ.LANDA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have 2 kids one 4 yrs and 1 yr. The first one was left with my parents when he was 1yr + becoz of some family problem. But i felt very bad to leave him there then i had my 2nd baby . i alomst forgot my 1st son . i went back to pick him up he refused to come near he cried hit me , my own son my biological son , simply because i had no bonding with him . my hubby asked me to bring him back with us . my son refused to follow we asked to a doctor who gave us sedation suggestion. i sedated him to bring him back .
now it has been 1 yr and i am still trying to bond my relationship back with my son . . i send him to school i use to go and hug him to pick him touch him, kiss him
so with kids it takes time
u have a cousele at your home ask your hubby to talk to ur step daughter . convince her make her more comfortable with you.
instead of putting negativity and making the situation worse request your hubby to help you
you are not crazy . you are jsut geting stressed with ur kids
.you should give both the equal treatment if you love u love both, if hug you hug both and so on with scolding & spanking too
this all will not happen overnight you need to be patient with evrybody ur hubby, step daughter and own daughter
still if you think you cannot cope then go and see a counseler he will be a better help then me
take care
2006-09-28 05:22:47 · answer #9 · answered by may_minu 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is natural to feel this way
but if you love your hus you should accept the fact that you have another daughter and cant be biaz
2006-09-28 04:54:36 · answer #10 · answered by x040493t 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋