Am I paranoid?

Question

am engaged 2 a great man. I am so much in love with him & I think about him all the time. He likes 2 talk friendly with girls. When we go 2 the store together I always noticed him being overly friendly with girls. He is in his late 30's & I am in my mid 30's. Sometimes some of these girls look like they are teenagers. But I feel threatened by it. He also travels for work & I fear he is going 2 be friendly with girls out of town & they might missunderstand him. He even asked one girl at a store what church she goes to & he told me that she was cute then he said not as cute as me. Then the next day he went to the same store to buy something 4 me. He was looking at her hard. She looks like a teenager. He tells me that he will never leave me & that I am the best think that has ever happened 2 him & that he loves me more than anything. But I am still worried. I saw an email address he hid from me in his room. I didn't ask. I fear he has email addresses that I don' know about. I'm sad.

Answer 1

Yeah, I think you're overreacting quite a bit. Imagining things, paranoia. Whatever you want to call it.

If you really love him as much as you say you do, he's certainly worth marrying. You see, it is YOUR imagination that is making you feel this way; he hasn't done anything wrong yet. So don't let your own IMAGINATION or paranoia get the best of you.

Now if you had proof,that would be different. But you don't.

Don't let your own imagination RUIN your future marriage!!

Answer 2

You are not paranoid but you do not trust him and to be honest, that means you shouldn't be engaged. True love is trust.

Now his behaviour seems pretty normal. He's a man and they look at other girls whether or not they let us see it or not is the only difference. There's not a straight man alive that can say he doesn't honestly "admire" other women. However, 90% of the time it's harmless. Honestly. And it has nothing to do with you, even Paris Hilton's (insert woman you believe is beautiful here) boyfriends look at other girls.

The fact that he doesn't hide it from you tells me he doesn't think he's doing anything wrong, and that's a good thing. Cheating is wrong and we all know that.

As for the "he'll never leave me, you're the best thing etc." let's face it, they ALL say that and they ALL say it because we want to hear it. Every single divorced couple said they would never leave one another ''til death do us part' and infront of 200 people so don't put too much weight on what he says. Actions speak louder than words.

My concern is the email address. Not so much that he has it because a girl could have given it to him and he hid it before thinking about throwing it out, it doesn't mean he'd email or that email would lead to anything. I'm concerned that he is hiding things from you. As I mentioned, if he isn't hiding he doesn't think he's doing anything wrong, if he IS hiding then he DOES.

Confront, immediately. First you need to deal with your trust issues and if he makes you feel like you can't trust him then he changes or you end the relationship. He's not meeting your basic need to feel safe and secure in a relationship.

And hey, we're all jealous at some point but yours sounds deeper than that.

Answer 3

Personally, I wouldn't trust him. He seems sketchy! I would sit down and think hard if you really want to persue this relationship. Marriage is a big deal and if you are having doubts going into the marriage that is not good. I'd try to find the email and read it. If it's not good get out now!!!! As the saying goes.....There are plenty of fish in the sea. Your fiance doesn't deserve you if he's being sketchy. Your too good for that. If you do marry him I would have a serious talk with him and you should explain that you do not like him talking to girls in a flirting matter. You should be the ONLY girl in his life! Good Luck!

Answer 4

I think there may be an issue. You need to talk to him about it and let him know how you feel. Perhaps marriage couseling is in order. When he looks at a girl and then says you are prettier, it kind of sounds like he knows it bothers you, and thats why he is reasurring you. If your fiance or husband hides anything from you or acts suspicious....be worried. Honesty and communication is key to a long lasting relationship. And for the ones who say it is a guy thing, they always do that...they dont. My husband loves me and isnt "friendly" with any other female anywhere or anytime. He shouldnt be doing that to do. If you are feeling threatened now, it may just get worse when you are married and trapped.

Good Luck

Answer 5

Yes, you are paranoid. But being paranoid doesn't mean that he isn't up to something (or will be later).

Flirting with girls, teenagers even, right in front of you can be a possible warning flag. Have you told him that it bothers you? If you have, and he disregards it, then that possible warning flag becomes a great big red flag. Combine that with the fact that you've already found things that he is hiding from you, and I think you have a good reason to worry.

But don't just sit at home and obsess and worry! You need to do something about this before it really becomes a problem. Do you really want to sit and worry like this for your entire life?

Answer 6

Im SORRY.
I hate to read stories like this because the answer may never be what you were expecting.
You should NEVER marry without trut I dont know him but everything he does sounds as if he were not trust worthy.
My cousin is just like him he loves his girl but enjoys other women too! Only marry someone that has their mind set strickly on you someone that does not need to look at younger girls or even talk any other girl!! To be cheated on is my weakness and my worst night mare but i managed to find a man that is ssoo filled with my love for him that he doesnt need to look think about or talk with other girls, I know this because his friends at work and personal friends from child hood tell me all the time. I have girl friends around when he is around he does hang with them but i have never had a problem with him being "friendly" with any of them. I can search his phone and all calls and never find an unknown number or text message NOTHING. He like every human does have other faults but never have i had a reason to not trust him. THink about how terrible a marriage would be with a man who constantly makes you question him, or makes you feel bad because he FLIRTS infront of you... Think about when you get old and saggy will this man still want you, or will he want a tight 20y/o ? Sorry i know these answers must hurt but you will thanks every one later. (If you make the right choice)
Good luck.

Answer 7

Well, the fact that someone has various e-mail addresses is not in itself a huge deal. I have a bunch of e-mail addresses my husband doesn't know about - not because I'm being secretive, but simply because it's not much of an interest to him. Friendly with girls - well, I don't know... I usually don't trust guys who are overly "friendly" with girls. And I certainly wouldn't want my husband to inform me of every "cute" girl he saw. What he says about the "best thing that's ever happened to him" - this line is so old, and means absolutely nothing. Words are cheap. He may very well mean it; but hey, so did my ex, who walked out on me one day to be with another woman. He still tells me that I was the best thing that's ever happened to him. Yeeeah, right. Don't let words fool you, go with your gut. Sounds like your intuition is sending you an S.O.S.

Answer 8

your not paranoid,,,,but u need to see what he hid! we only hide what we dont want seen! as 4 him being mr.friend,,,,,,,tell him to stop,,but when we see it bothers u we feed off of it, we play the "game" how jealous can i make her?dont show it...its a sign of weakness....look ..your a real woman,not some bubble head.& hes old enough to know this. if he ever asks if it bothers u,,,,,,say nope why should it ....im a real woman with knowledge beyond their wildest dreams...they cant compete!this confidence alone is a major turn on 4 us, youll soon see him stop. knowledge is power....know what we know,,,,dont play our game,,,youll lose...doesnt matter how long were with a girl,,,,,we will always test u,,,,,catch us quick,show u dont play games & have no patience 4 our crap,,,,that will keep us pretty much in line ..dont say anything about your feelings of his "trips" bad move! we play dont call back or dont answer game..u call once ...thats it ! let him call u at night.....let him call to see how u are .if he doesnt call till the next day .....dont question it..."weakness" we know! act as if everythings fine,,,,,,that will get us home quick! dont think your being a ***** ,,,,,only setting boundries 4 us not to cross. be all nice & sweet ......and youll be our puppet.this is sad but its the truth .......so do you get the picture now?

Answer 9

Would you rather be with a rude jerk?

You have huge insecurity issues. Get over it. You are extremely paranoid and pathologically jealous. Your problem is that you think that you are old. That is really the root of the problem, the fact that the fresh look is long gone and that you haven't wore size 0 pants since middle school.

He loves you, get it to your head or you will lose him.

Good luck

Answer 10

I'm sorry but honestly he sounds a bit questionable. If he is flirting, or as you put it overly friendly, right in front of you how does he act when you aren't around? The hiding of the email shows that he is in fact hiding some things. I think it is disrespectful to watch women and flirt with them especially in front of you. I'm sorry ,but I think you have every reason to be paranoid AND you should really evaluate the situation before you debote yourself to this man forever.

Best Wishes!!