How do I get my 11yr. old to understand how important his grades are?

Question

My son refuses to do his school or homework now that he's in middle school.He went from a straight "a" student to all "f".I have tried everything and have been working with his teachers and counslers and i don't know what else to do.

thanks for all the advice so far.

Answer 1

we had the same problem with our teens; tried to first remove all that they enjoyed; like tv out of the room, then taking the cell phones away, limiting almost everything and we we exhausted as the above did not work ( i still to this day do not let a tv or computor in thier rooms) but you know what turned them around first we sat and organized their binders , folders, and notebooks...we make it a point to check their agenda books and sit there in front of them without warning and empty out the book bag at least once a week; depending on how angry they get we just may repeat it the next nioght, etc...now heres what blew their minds...instad of grounding them on the weekend,and i know this sounds odd, but try it...we ground them each monday;aside from any sports they may play thats all they can do...no company over and in order to be able to go to the football games or dances; they have to work themselves off of being grounded this includes the school work, their rooms, and anything that is expected of them without an arguement or yelling or anything...at first they tried us;we stood our ground and continue to do so...did it hurt; yes, i as a parent do not want to see my kids miss out on the things they enjoy; yet, we either instill this now or it will get worse...my son told us in a casual way that he thinks he might try for the honor roll..he and his sister share the same teachers in high school and they call us with weekly updates...so far, both of them have not recieved anything lower than an 80 and we await report cards...thing is if you try this , then you must stick to it,it has to hurt a little for it to sink in; my som missed out on some really nice friday social events and realized that no the tears do not work, not the pouting...you either do as we say or its okay as you certainly will do nothing..the same for my daughter...hope this helps

Answer 2

Being a 21 year old college student I might have a little insight on the topic. My brother behaved in the same manner when he was around that age. School work was always a priority for me and i'm not quite sure why. Anyways, he could have a disorder (ADD, ADHD) or even something else and may not be able to focus. He also isn't thinking in terms of the 'long-road' ahead which is critical. This is not something that is however input into an 11 year old boy. Their concerns are much different than the concerns that you may have.

As for effective techniques

there is the obvious reward/punishment. Dont be afraid to penalize him for not completing his work, maybe he will learn how to take it a little more serious and understand that it is very important to you. Also just make sure you keep him under your watch, because sometimes a change in grades can mean a change in habit and behavior.

Answer 3

Help him with his homework after school. When he gets out of school at the end of the day - he is sick of thinking about school and want to relax, play, eat dinner, watch some tv or what ever.. That's how adults feel when they get out of work each day.

Why are his teachers with him all day and he still has to go home and do homework - is it a lot of homework? If it is then maybe you should ask the teacher why some of this isn't being done at school? Then there are the specail homework assignments - maybe you need to just sit there with him and help him or offer him an incentive to get it done.

Grades are important - but what's really more important is whether or not he is really getting what he need to know and learn from his studies. Maybe he is having problems at school with bullies or some other issues with the kids he goes to school with and he is worried about that. Something is probably upsetting him about his school. Good luck, hope this helps.

Answer 4

Obviously, something is wrong. It could be at school or it could be something that has happend at home. Each child is different...and kids 11yr old understand through you, their parent. Do you sit down WITH the child and help him with his homework? Do you look at the work after he says that he is finished (apparently not, since you say he refuses)? What does he do instead? Watch TV? Play video games? Go outside and play with friends? Are you there or at work? Where is the parent, sitter or guardian?

If you have a XBox or PS2..try using it to your advantage. Take it away if he refuses to do his homework. Don't let him watch TV...shut it off; unplug it. Do not allow him to play his video games or watch TV or go outside and play, unless he has his homework done. So what if he is whining? Put him in his room and tell him you don't want to hear it. Ignor him if he carries on his room. Don't take food away from him...just things and events. See if that works. It works like a charm for me. You have to follow through or else he will NOT get the message that homework is important to YOU...thus, to him. Be consistant and don't back down--unless there are extenuating circumstances. You are the roll model.

Let him be bored and sit on the couch. Wake him up early, give him breakfast and sit him at the table where he has to do his homework---if he didn't do it as soon as he got home from school...and for the rest of the evening before. Have you tried all of this???

Good luck:-)

Answer 5

A few things, take away any sports or extra curricular activities until grades improve. Don't allow him to play video games or watch tv until grades improve. Set a strict rule that he is to come home immediately after school (If you're not there, get a neighbor to watch and see if he really does come home). Do not let him hang out with friends until he shows he is doing the work. IT sounds harsh, but if you have tried everything else then you need to take measures to show your serious. Take away all his fun things and he has nothing left but to cop out and be bored, or do the work and get privellages.

Give him an incentive, a reason to succeed. First, take him to a local shelter of homeless. Force him to do community service there. Educate him that while some people have educations and just down on their luck, others never got a proper education in the first place. Educate him that in order to succeed in life that you need a job that pays enough above your basic living so you can save money. That way when you are down on your luck, you have a reserve to fall on.

Offer a significant bonus if he can raise his grades up. make it all or nothing. Raise ALL your grades to C's get $50, raise them to B's get $100, raise them to A's and get $200. Then, stop buying things (except for birthdays and christmas). Make him want the money. If he can do it, great! Then offer to pay him $10-c's, $15-b's, or $20-a's per grade he maintains and a $10 bonus for each grade he raises higher.

Don't sit around wondering what you can do. Get pro-active. You are the adult. Get the work from his teachers and sit him at a table. Force him to either sit there, or do the work. Stand over him if you have to.

At this point you can't sit back, you must show you mean business. Tough Love.

If all else fails. Petition the school district to create a contracted learning environment if they don't already have one. I was flunking out of school due to a chronic medical condition. By joining the contracted learning, I had one teacher, who oversaw us. Instead of sitting through classes, I had 6 classes for the semester. I took a packet of a semesters worth of assignments, reports, and tests for two classes at a time. It was then my responsibility to get all six classes done before the end of the semester. I went from a 2.1 to a 4.0 with this situation. It gives the tools to him to succeed, allows him to bypass boring lectures and redundent teaching and get down to the basic concept. Learning. If you want more info about it, contact me. The other alternatives are home schooling which you can then make the contracted learning environment yourself, or charter schools.

Good Luck

Answer 6

I have an 11 yr. old daughter who just started middle school too. She doesn't do as much homework as my 8 yr. old son. She was always a straight A student too and her grades have now slipped a bit. Since they are still acceptable, I'm letting her "make her own mistakes". If I don't, it becomes a power struggle and she will win. Taking away privileges (ex. computer, TV, hanging with friends, etc.) seem to work best with my daughter when she's off track. The school's system of rewards/discipline seem to encourage her as well. Good luck and I hope this helps.

Answer 7

Have you tried to remind him that if he does not do his homework and pass his classes he will not advance to the next level with all his friends and be stuck in the same class over and over till he passes? Also is it possible that the work from grammar school to middle school has become more difficult and maybe he is having trouble understanding and too embarrassed to ask for help? Does he maybe need glasses and cant see the chalk board? I am just trying to throw any ideas out there. Have you tried keeping him from things that he enjoys doing if he does not do his homework, like no sports, TV, phone, no friends over or no seeing friends on the weekend?

Answer 8

What does your son want in life? Fame, big shiny car? Maybe a large house?
If it is a car then take him to a car dealership and let him sit in the car. Let him see how fun it is to sit behind the wheel of the car.

Then talk to the salesman. Ask him the price of the car. Ask him what sort of people buy the car (income, jobs they have, eduction background). Tell your son if he want that car he has to be like those people. The only way he can be like them is through hard work and good grades.

Do the same for a house, take a tour of a home he likes, talk to the real estate agent.

Answer 9

I don't know either.. I worry about my oldest even though she is on honor.. I feel like her excitement about school is low.

We just try to sorry but we do..bribe. We are going to buyer her a brand new car with a honor high school diploma, she wants to be a marine biologist so we bribe her with trips to hawaii (since she loves to scuba), we tell her that she needs to make her own money because she has very expensive taste so she can support her shopping and travel needs and we get her involved in reading about online scholorship programs so she can see the advantages of getting one.

You might want to met with the school counsler or getting him involved with SYLVAIN or even just Boys and Girls Club. Sounds like he feels ackwards with were he is out and he has lots all interest. You need to educated and teach him to what he appreciates the most ..

They always say the key to success is to take what your passion in life is....get really good at it..and figure out how to make money at it.

He doesn't have to be a doctor or lawyer..He just has to be happy and be able to support himself as an adult.

Answer 10

Depending on what his interests are... Try grounding him from those interests... like skateboarding or computer use, if that does not work... try to make it where either he does it or gets in a crap load of trouble when he doesn't... My little brother is doing about the same thing....