Is Self-Esteem more important in a man?

Question

I saw this statement on a blog: "Men do not seem to value self-esteem in women the way women value it in men". Is it true? But I though the best guys always want the most confident [strong self-esteem] girls...?

Answer 1

I'd say that statement is true. I don't like it though. Women aren't valued for their self esteem as much as men are because they've been conditioned by society that it's not a desireable trait to be more confident than men. Most people's subconcious mind's have been trained to think that women are supposed to be submissive, or at least less confident than their male partner.
I suppose it will take a very long time to erase that way of thinking from society, but we're getting there, I think.

It's much more "shameful" to be be a submissive male than a submissive female. My father was quite dominant and my mother submissive, I was conditioned from that and grew up shy and timid. I was still shy in high school, and I remember thinking that I was very glad I was not a male or else I would have been tormented for my timidness. At least as a female it was much more "ok" to be submissive, and I was sought after by very dominant males. Actually, now that I think about it, if I were born male, I would have been dominant, like my father. Anyways, I was tired of being submissive by the time I entered my high school senior year, I felt horrible and I didn't feel that's how I should be, but I didn't know how to be any other way. I started being counseled by a psychologist, and thankfully (3 years later) I think I've finally gotten over that now.

Like you, not all guys think that a women should be submissive. More and more modern men and women are learning not to think the old fashioned way. However, it's probable that most people still do, at least subconciously. In fact, you might think that too, think really deep on it. Would you be comfortable if your girlfriend or wife were more confident than you? More successful, more accomplished, earned more money? I'm not trying to offend. It's just that the idea that men should be more confident than women is imbedded deep in the mind.

So that's my opinion, based on life experience. I hope I didn't bore you with my life story, lol! Thanks for reading. =)

Answer 2

I think the blog just meant to say that men and women differ in how much they value self-esteem, and not that women do but men don't. The best guys do and should value a strong woman, but it depends on the timing and what the guy wants at the time - by that I mean, I guy won't necessarily be turned off a shy timid needy woman, not off the bat. When they get tired of that they start looking for the stronger woman. Women on the other hand always appreciate a strong confident guy.
Maybe I'm not being fair, but that has generally been my experience with the matter.

Answer 3

I think your statement is true I have noticed that some men like women who have low self esteem because they can walk all over them or they are lazy and don't want a challenge. A women who has a healthy self esteem will not let men treat her bad and will be a challenge since they can think for themselves and make there own decisions. There is still good guys left that will appreciate a women who has a brain and self worth.

Answer 4

I think that is true because if a woman has low self-esteem then he can control her and mold her into what he wants her to be. On the other hand a woman with high self-esteem won't let a man take control because she knows that she can just find another one or she doesn't need one. Matter of fact most men are intimidated by open minded women.

Answer 5

a lot of guys are intimidated by confident, strong self-esteem women. they want a girl they can control. the less self-esteem a women has, the more likely she is to be a freak and that's what guys want...well at least for short term pleasure. however when i say "a lot" of guys. that doesn't account for all guys. i personally like strong esteem women because I'm a strong esteem guy. so i guess it comes down to the guys level of esteem that determines the kind of women he'll choose.

Answer 6

Many Guys (best or otherwise) claim they want strong, confident, self-sufficient women then in reality they say things like "but you will never need me" Mostly, they are just intimidated by strong, confident, successful, independent women. However, self-esteem is important whether you are male or female.

Answer 7

Self esteem is definitely important to man but sometimes a Man
ego also is misunderstood as esteem

Answer 8

To be blunt, we are attracted to girls with positive self esteem because they seem more attractive to us, they give us a 'second opinion' of their worth... Those are the ones we want for relationships...

But (here's the blunt but honest part) most guys know that girls with self esteem problems are easier to get into bed for a quick fling....

Answer 9

I prefer a woman with self-esteem who is not afraid to show their femenine side. Women who come across as too strong are a turn-off to most men.

Answer 10

I think self-esteem is equally important to men and women...we just find it in different ways.