I'm a bridesmaid in my best friend's wedding, its coming up in about 2 weeks. I don't know if since I'm in the wedding, I'm still supposed to buy her a gift at the wedding since I've gotten her things from her registry for her previous parties. My mom told me no, that my being in the wedding is my gift to her but I don't know what the proper etiquette is...can someone help me? I appreciate your answers :)
2006-09-28 03:31:02 · 46 answers · asked by Katy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
So sweet of you to help her along with her wedding and buy her gifts for all of the parties she has had!
As far as I'm concerned (I'm a bride-to-be), I would NOT expect a gift from any of my bridesmaids at my wedding. I feel that they will have done more than enough throughout the planning process (from helping with a shower, to a bachelorette party, to being my rock when I'm freaking out!). Never mind the fact that you have already purchased her some gifts, you have given her an invaluable gift! You are being her bridesmaid... and that is more than enough! I think etiquette says that a bride should realize that a wedding gift is not in order in the case of a bridesmaid or groomsman.
2006-09-28 04:49:02 · answer #1 · answered by PT&L 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As I understand "proper" etiquette, yes, you are supposed to get her a wedding gift. Now here's the reality - as a bridesmaid, you've already spent a lot of money on her wedding and unless you have unlimited cashflow, you might be feeling the pinch.
I was a bridesmaid in two weddings last year and by the time the second one came around, I was strapped for cash. We're very very good friends, so I told her that she'd be getting her wedding gift from me a bit "late" and suggested that maybe after all was said and done, I could look into getting her something from her registry that she really wanted but didn't get. She looked at me and said flat out "You're in my wedding; that's gift enough."
It doesn't always work out that way, but it's worth a try. If money isn't the issue, get the couple something that is more sentimental. For the bride I mentioned above, I organized a "recipe box" for her from a bunch of her friends who were scattered across the country and not attending the wedding. She ADORED it.
2006-09-28 06:10:54 · answer #2 · answered by Church Music Girl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately yes a wedding gift is expected.
You are honouring her by participating in the wedding and standing up for her but that has nothing to do with a gift of congratulations.
I know that some brides have 3 bridal showers and their wedding participants purchase gifts for all 3 and then the wedding as well. It is a difficult (and expensive) situation. However, it is expected.
Your best bet (if money is an issue not etiquette) is to talk to the bride. I mean casually, not specifically. Just mention that you are not sure what to buy as a wedding gift, you hope she enjoyed the shower gifts etc., is there anything left on her registry that she really would like and see if she can give you some direction on what SHE expects. After all, etiquette doesn't matter if it is offensive to the bride and/or groom. They are the ones that matter and they may not want you to do more than you already have and will do on the wedding day. Respect that.
2006-09-28 03:37:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you've already bought one gift, I say thats enough. If you are in the wedding, you wouldn't be taking a gift in like the other guest anyway, you would be with the wedding party. Some brides have several showers, and some people get invited to more than one because of the similiar friends you may share, so I don't think it is required to buy another gift. You have more than likely spent a lot on the first gift, not to mention your dress, and hairstyle for the wedding etc.
2006-09-28 05:52:11 · answer #4 · answered by Justice 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wedding Ettiquette says that giving a gift is never mandatory for anyone, guest, bridesmaid, best man etc...
However, it is scutomary to give a gift. Just becuase you are in the wedding does not exclude you from the guest responsibilities.
Give what you can- if you have already went overboard buying for the wedding itself and feel comfortable showing up empty handed, then go right ahead. If this idea makes you uncomfortable, then try to find a token of friendship for the couple and give it to the bride either right before or right after he wedding.
BUT you know the bride better than anyone... so do what's right for you!
2006-09-28 07:44:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have already gotten her gifts off of her registry.. then no you don't have to give her anything else. I have heard of the whole wedding party going in on a gift for the bride and groom on their wedding day, but it is not necessary. I don't think your friend will expect you to buy her another gift considering all of the expenses you have had to pay already (dress, shoes, hair, etc...). If you want to, give her something "new or old" that she could wear in the wedding for luck. Whatever you decide your friend will just be happy you are there. Good luck!
2006-09-28 05:40:48 · answer #6 · answered by Pren 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Etiquette states that you still should be buying her a gift.
The previous gifts were for other reasons (like a bridal shower), and your bridesmaid duties include being in the wedding, and any expenses that are included from it, i.e. dress, shoes, accessories, etc...
If you can't afford to buy her another gift, make something personal for her. Maybe a shadow box, memory album, scrap book, etc...You don't have to get her anything expensive, but something from the heart to remind her that you care, and you are there to support her on her big day. You could also just get her a nice card, and give money or a gift certificate in whatever amount you can afford to spend.
2006-09-28 03:41:22 · answer #7 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Katy, you have done everything you are suppose to do. The rules of etiquette are loosely written, and things have changed. If you have all ready gotten her a gift, especially if you have gotten more than 1...then your duty now is to help with all the last minute details with the wedding.
The best gift you can give her right now is your time! Give her a call and ask is there any last minute errands that you could do for her. Pick up something, make wedding favors, anything that you can do for her personally. Showing your support and your love for her is the best and most welcome gift to a bride. So, pick up the phone, she might be having a stressful day, and needs a shouldar to cry on-or she's having wedding jitters....give her a call...
God bless us all.......
ps...she will remember your running to Walmart for candy more than the toaster oven Aunt Sue bought!
2006-09-28 04:08:33 · answer #8 · answered by totallylost 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should give her a gift at the wedding. That is part of what comes along with being a bridesmaid. It will cost you some $$$ being one!!! But, it's worth it. She's your best friend...remember that. Plus, I am sure there are plenty of other girls that were invited to the showers and parties that brought gifts (that weren't bridesmaids) that will also be bringing gifts to the wedding. Also, just think if the roles were reversed.
2006-09-28 03:39:43 · answer #9 · answered by stlfan 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is my understanding that you only give one gift; so if you gave a gift at a shower, you don't have to give a second gift. Also, the bride usually gives gifts to the bridesmaids on the day of the wedding. I believe your mom is right. Usually the people that give gifts at the wedding are people that haven't been to any showers or previous parties.
2006-09-28 03:42:33 · answer #10 · answered by T H 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋