How can I keep my 18 yr. old son that has not graduated H. S. yet from moving out?

Question

HE SMOKES MARIJUANA. WANTS TO MOVE OUT BUT HAS NOT GRADUATED YET. IS A TROUBLED TEEN. HIS DAD AND I DIVORCED WHEN HE WAS 4 YRS OLD. HIS DAD HASN'T HAD MUCH TO DO WITH HIM ALL THESE YEARS AND IT SHOWS. MY SON HAS BROKE UP WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND OF 2 YRS. HARDLY HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH OUR FAMILY. IS AN EXCELLENT BASEBALL PLAYER BUT HIS PERFORMANCE IS OFF BECAUSE OF THE DRUGS.I'M AFRAID HE WILL QUIT SCHOOL AND END UP IN JAIL SOMEWHERE.

Answer 1

Try to picture your son as a responsible adult. What would he be doing? He's going to need a roof over his head, food, transportation, and an income. Discretionary cash is a good thing, too.

Your son cannot see the path he has to take to gain his independence. Make notes before you address any issues. Calmly sit at the table and state your purpose for the conversation: "Son, I think I can help....because I see that you are becoming an adult."

Tell him you see the adult in him. Encourage him to enjoy these years of freedom, to use this time to put in place the skills that will take him through his lifetime. Encourage him to go to a trade school, or devote himself to pro ball. Ask him what he thinks it will take to become an independent person. Work with him to come up with a budget: rent, deposit, phone,grocery, car insurance,etc....Ask how he can make this happen. Right now he can't tell you. He may not even be able to tell you how you maintain home, car, bills....

Tell him what you know about all of his good charactaristics: he plays a great game of ball, he is kind toward grandma, he tries to treat you with respect...whatever you see. Make sure this is accurate and in your notes.

Explain to him that when you went out on your own you had to learn to make responsible decisions. Things you liked had to come second to things you needed, like shoes and food. Just calmly speak to him as if he were your best friend. You have the Teacher's role. Tell him that the decisions he is making now aren't the ones that will get him the things he desires. Tell him you know that he can make independent decisions and no longer has to do everything mommy says.

However, you are having this conversation to address what will be, not what is. Aim for the end result. He's not going to get it first time around. You may have to sit with him and repeat the whole thing again and again, (hence you have your notes.) Continue to be his biggest fan. Praise him when you see him do the right thing. "Son I am so proud of you for...." Tell him you love him and that you love the person he is becoming. Then let him decide. Kids want to do the right thing and independence is always the best motivator. It may be slow going but you have the goals he truly desires nailed. Breathe. Hang in there, and aim for the end result.

Answer 2

You are right he will quit school & end up in jail sooner or later.
He is eighteen you won't beable to get help from the police if he moves cause he is of legal age to move.
Get help anyway you can no matter how mad he gets at you.
If you can't talk to him and reason with him find someone that can.
If you have too send him to a drug rehab before it is too late.
Remember this if he is addictied to drugs you are talking to the drugs not him. If you think he only smokes you are wrong. I bet you can find things in his room like, cold medicane, pipes,ect.. you just need to look.
If you really want to help him you will have too be stronger than the drugs and that means a tough road ahead. He will hate you for awhile but when it is all said and done later he will realize that you did things for his own good & be thankful that you didn't give up.

To some of the responses that i read. It is no wonder that the kids this day and age are so lost. Most of you just turn your back on them. These are our kids they are our furture, it is our jobs to help them become better people you don't just hide your head in the sand and say "He or She is eighteen. You don't just accept the drugs you fight back.
Thaylen M { Tough Love } That is a chicken sh!t way out just because you didn't want to deal with it.
Voice Kill - Drugs kill bottom line.

Answer 3

You can't. He is of legal age, and is free to go.
I wouldn't let him be living with me if he was smoking pot. It IS illegal, you know.
You might try bribing him-like if he graduates, you will help him buy the car he wants. Or let his girlfriend sleep over-whatever he is moving out FOR.
Talk to him like an adult. Ask him what his plans are. Don't criticize or yell; just be helpful. Kill 'em with kindness.
Why is he choosing to leave school? Does he have plans to go to college? Does he have a job? Car?friends to stay with? How much will health insurance cost? Does he know how much $$ it takes to live alone? Don't whine and complain, just explain. Show him, like you were his best pal, just trying to help him, to make a good decision. Not for YOU, for him.
If he is smoking pot, he may be doing other drugs, too. He may be depressed and medicating himself with dope.
It is too late for YOU to fix, now.

DO NOT help him Financially to do something you think is a bad choice! I don't care if he is living under a bridge-do not help him-except to come home and behave himself.
Ask him if you can send him to the doctor to be sure he is healthy, before he leaves the nest. The doctor might tell him he is depressed or anemic or not thinking straight.
I know it is heart-breaking, but you can't stop him. Just give him enough rope to find out how hard it is.
Offer that if he changes his mind, he can come back home anytime. Same set of rules, in school, and no drugs, or out he goes again.

Answer 4

Not to be callous but he's 18. He is a legal adult and his actions will come back on him not you. I don't know how you can stand to have that kind of young man in your home longer than you have to. My son used drugs too and he's also a troubled teen. My solution to his problem was to put him OUT when he turned 18. It's called tough love. You need respect, consideration, and peace and you are not getting that from him. As one single parent to another with a problematic young adult, PUT HIM OUT. Take charge of your life and let him find his way. You CAN'T help him because he doesn't want to be helped.

Answer 5

Yup, he probably will. The truly sad thing is that you should have confronted this problem before he turned 18. Let him go. Don't give him money, when he begs. Don't give him the car. Don't pay any of his bills. Don't bail him out of jail. Love him, yes. But don't enable him. Let him know that if he stays in school, possibly goes to at least the community college and lives at home, that you are willing to help him. It is his choice, now. Good Luck! ♥

Answer 6

you can't he is 18 and he is legally allowed to move out of the house if he so chooses...and he only smokes it is not like he is a drug addict...in all honesty be happy he isn't an alcoholic or coke head...pot is the least of the harmful drugs out there...it just makes you lazy...it is not good he is doing drugs but pot isn't really a big deal...but you really have no leg to stand on to keep him home

Answer 7

Probably have to look for some kind of rehab program. Good luck with your son.

Answer 8

You can't. He's 18 and the law says he can do as he pleases now.
Sorry.
The best you can do is maybe get him into rehab somehwere, but you can't stop him from moving out.

Answer 9

i dont think he can but let him go and as u said he is a truobled teen he he feels that he is down in the ****
he will come back asking for help
let him go he will come back

Answer 10

why would you WANT to?? "children have to be free to live their own lives" (sebastian, the little mermaid) even if that means making their own mistakes. the vast majority end their teen years relatively unharmed