My significant’s daughter who is 27 is to be engaged to Mr. Wonderful of about 33 shortly. In the past 19 months of their courtship, Mr. Wonderful has never taken the time out to see my Significant and discuss with her on the future of their courtship or the upcoming engagement party. Mr.Wonderful has shown no signs of respect what so ever to my significant or me and they have been very quite about their future plans. On the other hand Mrs. Wonderful soon to be has been secretive all her life and has not discussed anything about her plans too. I have cared for Mrs.Wonderful for the past 9 years providing what best I could do even beyond what I gave for my own daughter.
My question to you folks is: “IS THERE A LACK OF RESPECT TO FAMILY AND ELDERS “here or is this what they are made up of? How should you take this into account – Disrespectful or who wants you and who cares about you any way?
I want my Significant to attend the engagement party as a Mother, even though Mr. Wonderful never had the guts to come up and invite her formally and I do not plan on attending. Is my personal decision correct, because I respected my parents when they were alive and I respect them every day even though they are dead. I owe all my past and present to them. I respect my family and all my associates in whatever capacity them may be.
2006-09-28 03:02:48 · 15 answers · asked by US 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Yes the Engagement party has been announced . Yes I am not married to my Significant, but we share everything in life together. Regardless of Privacy Issues there should be some sort of decency on the part of both to express their intentions if they want some sort of family recognition.
2006-09-28 03:24:09 · update #1
My Significant realises and understands that there is something wrong but refuses to admit that there is SOMETHING REALLY WRONG HERE.
2006-09-28 05:54:11 · update #2
It use to exist! But now of days you find very few young people who respect their parents and elders. I say we go back to the old days before Dyefuss and Social Services took over and woop their as*es! And although these kids have guns! Hell when they made 1 gun, they made many, many more! My daughter and son tries to get out of line with me once in a while, they're grown now but when they feel that Satan has crawled up my a*s, they get to steppin! I'm one of those parents who can love you dearly. But I'm also one of those parent that believe in the old saying "I brought your a*s into this world, and I will truly take your a*s out!
2006-09-28 03:08:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I really don't think this is an issue of respect at all. Your significant's daughter has been "secretive" all her life. Perhaps she doesn't feel the need to tell you what her plans are. If she has the means to put her plans into motion herself, and doesn't need any help, there isn't much reason to discuss them. Perhaps she has found that when she does discuss them with the two of you, you try and alter and control them. And if she doesn't discuss such things with you, the boyfriend most certainly won't. Perhaps he wanted to, and she dissuaded him.
Besides, apparently if they are getting married then the "future of their courtship" is quite obvious.
Another possiblity....You say your "significant" instead of "wife." I assume that you have been in a nontraditional relationship based on your use of terminology. It could be possible that your signifcant's daughter and her fiance to do not approve of the relationship.
What I'm really saying is that there is definately something going on here, and you need to find out what that is. I just don't think it's as simple as respect. You need to get her to talk about it, and you need to be willing to hear what she has to say.
EDIT: Another possiblity...traditionally, such "intentions" were discussed with the father of the bride-to-be before the engagement ever occured. This wasn't usually done with the mother (your significant, yes?). Perhaps Mr. Wonderful didn't know he was expected to discuss such matters with the mom, especially if the daughter didn't stress that it was important. He is going to follow her lead when it comes to dealing with her family.
But you should definately attend the engagement party. Respect is earned, and you will not earn it if you refuse to attend this party and make your signifcant go by herself. If nothing else, go to stand by her side so that they can see how a relationship SHOULD be.
2006-09-28 10:15:33 · answer #2 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A loaded question
Being that the daughter has a history of being somewhat private, it follows that they would not want or need to have input from either of you for their party or engagement. It is not neccessarily a sign of disrespect, it may simply be a way for them to maintain a little privacy and intimacy on their part without outside intervention. Perhaps they do not even want to have an engagement party at all. Most people that I know do not have engagement parties, and even when they do they are often organized after the actual engagement. I personally think it is unfair of you to jump to such conclusions, and actually is a lack of respect to them. Respect has much to do with actions and mutuality, even more so than simply because of age or familial relationships.
In fact, when you say you are not even planning to attend a party that hasn't even been organized, it would suggest a great lack of respect on your part. It is no wonder that you would not be consulted on the engagement.
Of course there are most likely many factors that you know of that do not come across in the question and thus makes it hard for anyone else to truly answer your question.
That being said, I would simply suggest that you be there if they need help and let them know it. Do not assume they are being disrespectful because they do not consult with you on all of their personal matters.
my 2 cents
No disrespect :)
2006-09-28 10:14:38 · answer #3 · answered by artisticallyderanged 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree! I think you have spoken the truth, and I agree with everything you said, BUT for one thing. You need to show YOUR respect to the woman that you love by attending the engagement party! It's all about them not doing the right thing, right? Well, you aren't either, buddy. Your woman, the one you are defending with all your might, needs you to show her some respect! It goes both ways! If you are a part of this woman's life, then get your butt off the coach, put the suit on and go!
You have every right to be hurt and angry, but what are you doing? When something important like this is occuring in your significant's life, but your feelings in your back pocket and sit on them! She needs you beside her through out this whole thing. The party, the rehearsal, the wedding. It doesn't matter what you think or how you feel, you put a smile on your face, take your Love's hand and go with her! She needs you terribly right now!
I am sorry, but I just can't stand to hear you blast this kids out of the water, and not take a good look at what you are doing! Is there a lack of respect to family and elders-YES! This woman is your family, her daughter may not be doing the right things, but you aren't either! Do you see what I am trying to say? I don't like being mean, and hurtful, but Milan get over yourself. Your place right now is beside your woman! She needs you, whether you approve or not is not the point. She's going to be part of her daughter's wedding, and you need to accept that, and be with HER! You not going is not hurting the couple, it's hurting your partner. Is that right?
God bless us all............
ps....please please go with her, put on a fake smile, and be with her! she needs you!
2006-09-28 10:35:45 · answer #4 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Didn't you already post this question once. I honestly think that you need to get over it. "Mrs. Wonderful" can choose to have her wedding and engagement party whatever way she pleases. As can her fiance. If she's been secretive all her life, why are you complaining now? About something that is supposed to be the happiest day of her life? Perhaps you should have chosen some other time in the past 9 years to bring this up-not now. Especially since she's not doing anything different than she has since you've known her. It's obviously her personality and how she is.
From your last post, it sounds like you WERE invited to the engagement party, you just didn't like HOW you were invited. If I were your "Significant's daughter" and you didn't come to my engagement party, you can bet that my "secretive ways" would become even worse with you.
I think you're being petty and selfish. If you ruin her engagement/wedding for her, she is never going to forgive you. Keep that in mind when you're sitting here complaining and saying you're not going to the engagement party.
My fiance's grandma is acting the exact same way as you because she doesnt like the way we've chosen to do things. We told her if she wants to complain, do it somewhere else because it is OUR WEDDING. And we refuse to let ANYONE ruin what is supposed to be one of the happiest days of our lives for us.
My opinion-suck it up and be there for her if you care about her.
2006-09-28 13:43:11 · answer #5 · answered by abbya11111 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
they are both adults. they dont have to tell you there future plans if they choose not to. that is between the two of them. They probably also assume your "significant" will attend the party. I get the feeling the mother & daughter are not very close. This could also be behind the no invite. But i know my mother would have planned the engagement party with me from step one & wouldnt have needed a "formal" invite. There's more to this story.
2006-09-28 10:16:11 · answer #6 · answered by kah35 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she is 27 and shown no respect for you or her mother how can you expect that anything would change at this point. Do what you feel is right for your lady. It would probably hurt her if you didn't attend with her. If nothing else go to support her. Maybe when Mr & Mrs wonderful have children of their own they well change...or not...I don't think I'd loose any sleep over them anymore...they are grown adults.
There is alot of people that have respect for their elders. I have always had respect for others as well. I have always worked with the ideal of team work and never asking my employees to do anything or anymore than I would do myself. And I had a great team of people that worked for me from the ages of 16 to 80 yrs old. Don't loose hope there are always a few that just don't get it...
2006-09-28 10:13:24 · answer #7 · answered by Barbiq 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a saying that you may or may not have heard before
Respect the more you give the more you get!
In this day and age kids are not taught anything and respect for anythung anyone is going down the drain
But perphaps mrs. wonderful wants to live a life of lies and just remember what goes around comes around
good luck
2006-09-28 12:31:34 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree that Mr. Wonderful is displaying a lack of respect for your Significant. However, I believe that the future Mrs. Wonderful is the reason, not Mr. Wonderful himself.
After all, if the future Mrs. Wonderful wanted her mother included, wanted Mr. Wonderful to get to know her, to treat her respectfully she would have done it herself, insisted on him doing it and would have led by example.
The issue needs to be brought to the future Mrs. Wonderful. If not by you then by your Significant. She can't fix what she doesn't know is broken. Fair?
Perhaps your Significant and the future Mrs. Wonderful have never been close. This would make it most difficult for Mr. Wonderful to include her as an important role player in the wedding plans, the engagement party etc. It is not Mr. Wonderful's job (or nature) to invite your Significant to the engagement party.
Now, I believe in respecting your parents, your elders, those who have contributed to you, your life, those who have made impact and those who deserve it. I believe that you are allowing your strong feelings about this to make you unsupportive, to the future Mrs. Wonderful but more importantly to your Significant. You most definitely should be at your Significant's side for the engagement party. You most definitely should swallow your pride, your hurt, your beliefs to be supportive of the future Mrs. Wonderful (as you have for the last 9 years) and to make yourself and your Significant accessible to Mr. Wonderful.
2006-09-28 10:31:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Respect and showing respect have to be taught--if these guys haven't learned to do so by now --they probably never will. In a case like this the only respect you and Significant are going to receive is what you demand of them--they are not going to offer it. You should attend the engagement party with Significant--out of respect and support for her!
2006-09-28 10:14:42 · answer #10 · answered by patlrussell 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Respect? I don't think kids know the definition anymore! I'm sure I'm going to get some "thumbs down" replies to this because there are so many kids on this site!
I'm in my early 30's, not too much older than your significant's daughter at 27. I would NEVER think of excluding my mother (or father, if he were still here) from any sort of wedding planning. I am excited to share my future plans with my mother!
But as far as respect goes? No, kids (in general) do not respect elders at all. Again, I'm saying this as a general rule of thumb. I see kids curse at their parents and other elders (in front of them), I rarely see a young kid offer up a seat on the commuter train for an elder and I rarely see kids hold the door for an elder. All of these things were, without question, signs of good manners and respect.
Unless your significant's daughter and Mr. Wonderful are completely estranged from you and your significant, they should absolutely be sharing their plans and future with the two of you.
However, perhaps not attending the engagement party may give these kids more cause to be secretive and distant. If you show that you are giving it 100%, then they can't use the fact that you are not attending the party as a reason for not discussing plans with anyone.
Seems like these 2 kids are a bit spoiled and very disrespectful.
2006-09-28 10:13:20 · answer #11 · answered by PT&L 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋