we are not a rich family i have worked hard to support him all these years.I lost household income when he left school ,no more child benefit.etc...We both think he should be paying his own way.We feed him,i do all his washing and ironing.There is also gas electric and council tax to consider.He has offered £30 weekly where i want £50,what do other people think?
2006-09-28 03:02:27 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Have you been feeding him for 18 years only to get the money back once he got a job? If you're really keen on stripping him of his hard earned money, don't force him to pay for your personal expenses, but only for the economic burden he puts onto your household, such as the items you mentioned. Otherwise he will either move out (as silly as this may sound) and you won't see a dime from him anymore and maybe even cut every contact with him, or he will stop being motivated to keep the job and learn to be independent. Either way, he wouldn't remember you as a just mother. This is basic behavioral economics.
If you say "we feed him", there must be someone else in the household who brings in regular income. I don't see why the situation would change all of a sudden as your son hits 18 y.o. If your family can't make it now, it means it couldn't make it before, either, so either your family is living above your means or you need to get a job, too.
2006-09-28 03:18:06 · answer #1 · answered by jarynth3 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might get a nice response if you start at a low figure and add in the extra work you put in.
He then has a choice as to how much he wants to contribute or do himself.
Something like this
£25 for living there
£15 for food
£5 cleaning
£5 ironing
£5 washing
You will then get the option of getting just £25 but not needing to look after him as much, or you might get rewarded for your time and effort with the whole lot for £55.
This way you're not demanding £55 your demanding just £25, but he can pay more if he wants your help.
Whatever you decide, good luck.
PS. When I was 18 I was on a similar wage and paying my mum about £40 per week.
2006-09-28 04:07:41 · answer #2 · answered by canarian.frank 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After reading the other posts, I have to ask whether the 172 after tax is weekly or bi-weekly.
I'd also calculate up the costs of electric, etc and the cost of the chores you do for him.
If he does not want to pay the 50 weekly, how about a compromise. Since he is an adult, he should be expected to learn how to do the washing and ironing. You will accept a lower amount if he is willing to do part of the chores or he can pay you for doing his laundry and the chores for him...after all you work as well!
2006-09-28 03:16:41 · answer #3 · answered by Searcher 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him the choice - £30 with no washing, ironing, cleaning or cooking - £50 with.
I know your probably worth more than £20 a week but hey you wouldn't want to take the full £172 now would you.
2006-09-28 03:31:42 · answer #4 · answered by Petra 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say if he is living with you from 25% to 50% of his pay. It will teach him responsibility, and he will get a taste of what it is like in the real world. That way, when he is on his own it won't be such a slap in the face of suddenly paying bills. Hope this helps, my parents are doing this to me and it truly is helping. When I see the first bill on the counter at my own place it won't be as much of a shock, because I have already gotten used to paying something. Hope this helps you, have a great day!
2006-09-28 03:19:36 · answer #5 · answered by Dreamer Child 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he saving money to get a place of his own or is he just planning on living with you for the rest of his life? I think it depends, is it $172 weekly or bi-weekly. That makes a big difference. If its weekly then $50 is fair for what he uses in the house.
I've always given my mother money since I was 16, giving her $50 bi-weekly. I just got married & moved out, I was giving her $440 a month plus I was buying my own groceries & toiletries.
2006-09-28 03:11:02 · answer #6 · answered by Littles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He must not have a very good paying job yet. Right now I think he should pay half of the utilities to help you out. If he still lives with you when he gets a better job then he needs to pay some kind of rent for staying there. I don't think $200 a month is too much to ask.
2006-09-28 03:24:22 · answer #7 · answered by cellphone_lady 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
£50 at a minimum mum. especially if you are still clearing up after him. Also a contribution to things like the telephone, and TV licence, sky if you have it. one day he is going to leave home and will have to fend for himself, by paying this it will prepare him for his own pad - no nasty shocks. My first job paid £80 a week and i had to hand over £35.
let him have his first weeks wage to spend as he likes and then get him to pay. Also when he gets a pay increase so should you.
2006-09-28 03:07:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think 50 is fair, he wouldnt be able to live anywhere else for cheaper than that.
My in laws have a rule - they take 1 third off the child which leaves the child a third to spend and a third to save.
2006-09-28 03:06:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly you can not depend on your children for support, because in todays society most kids will leave you in a minute and then what?
just let him pay what he wants but you need to change your own focus. Instead of washing his clothes, and ironing them, let him do it. You need to take this time to find another source of income for yourself.
If your son loves you then he will help out. But don't depent on him financially, because some day he may decide to move out on his own.
be creative for you.
2006-09-28 03:23:02 · answer #10 · answered by cdubsj2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋