I need some advice.....I have had the worst two years and life seems to be repeating itself.....?

Question

It all began in Jan 05 when I lost the best job I ever had due to hurricanes, i was in a shaky marriage so my job was all I had...I found a dream internship right after that though, but I began an affair with a co-worker. My husband found out and I wasn't sure what to do so I left my position. All of these decisions I made emotionally and without time to think. I was now faced with divorce and no job, car or place to live. My friends stopped talking to me and my family was 1000 miles away. So I continued to live with my spouse and went to school for a six month massage program. I continued to see my co-worker secretly. He was the person I had been looking for my whole life. I ended up buying my own car, by myself, it was the first step towards freedom I had taken. Six weeks later I totaled it. I sustained injuries that have impacted my current job as an LMT. I lost so much I ended up having to move in with my parents. To be continued......

I was miserable with my parents, I continued to correspond with my now-boyfriend. My divorce was final exactly a month after my accident. The entire time I was putting up with a jerk treating me like garbage because I couldn't make it on my own. I ended up eloping with my new man in Feb 06.
I have been working as a LMT down here, I thought i'd be happy....but Im not. I was on automatic for a long time just getting thru it all. Now it seems to be trying to come out of me. I cry alot. Guilt. I feel so wretched because of the pain I caused alot of people. My new husband quickly stopped being the dream man he once was after we got married. We are so broke we have to live with his dad which sucks. I do not enjoy what I do...what I miss was the internship I stupidly gave up because I had an affair. I decided to leave for awhile to get my head together.....I need help, someone to talk to that can tell me why I keep making such major mistakes. I ended up filing bankruptcy too.

Answer 1

take a long nap, stop cheating when you are married, dont live over your head financially. Have auto insurance that is required by law. Live for yourself by yourself and stop wanting to ahve a man take care of you. oh and DONT have babies whatever you do

Answer 2

Hello,
I have to say I understand and relate to what happened to you. '05 was the year from hell for me too. Many in the same ways you did.

Ok, heres my situation. I lost my "so called" love of my life due to a break up (no at faults), which then lead me into a bad depression, then I loose my grandmother to respiratory failure, then I loose my job that I was working at for 3 years that I loved, then my house and EVERYTHING I owned and worked for my entire life for gone because of Katrina, then the two jobs I worked at after loosing my other job are wiped out too, then my 3 dogs end up dying or stolen, then I am forced to live 2000 miles away with Dad, and I was having a hard time finding a job there. Then I move back, and I start all over again. All this with my 5 year old daughter too.

Ok, so now you can see that we are talking on the same level here. Now, I realized something through all this. It doesnt matter if you arent in the relationship you want, or the job you want, or everything around you is going bad. You are probably going "WTF!!" but hear me out. Heres the thing, you have to tell yourself 1) it will get better 2) not really much that can get any worse 3) no matter what you are in control of your emotions and everything in your life.

You do what you can to keep yourself in balance. I am not talking about drugs or medications or anything. I am just saying that dont look at ever day as one day, and that without success in that day you fail. Look at the day as part of the whole scheme. This way 1) you arent looking at such short term things, and 2) you can see that things will not end just because of this day.

** REMEMBER ** People have pulled themselves out of worse then this.

It is your choice to decide if you are going to wake up and be happy or sad. It is your choice if you are going to let things bother you. I have a philosophy in life which basically is that "I am in control of my life, so it may not come immediately, but resolution will come.", also "I control my emotions no one else".

So, if you are crying because you dont have the job you want or the money, or the things you want, you have just given the power to control your emotions over to those issues. That is alot of power to be just GIVING away. It is your power, not theirs. I wake up ever morning knowing that this is a great day and that no matter what I do, it will be fun. But understand you cant fake this, you have to believe. Here I am, lost everything, and yet I still manage to get out of bed and have a good day and at the end of it lay my head down knowing it was a successful day. Why? Because I let it be. Not because it HAD to be.

Make your way. Set a goal. Dont make a plan because I have found that if you plan something and some part of the plan fails, then you tend to give up figuring that the plan will not succeed now. So you can set a goal like this, lets say you want your old internship back.... Ok, well it might not be possible, but the goal shouldnt be so fixed. So make a goal of finding an occupation that will mirror what you want or had. Same with your marriage, though sometimes you can fix that, but that will be up to you AND him to work it out... or not.

It will all get better. I promise. Just start by enjoying what you have and controlling how you react, and I am sure you will start to think clearly about other things

Answer 3

Slick 1 makes several all-too valid statements: "Adversity often pushes us into our divine destiny." But what REALLY hits the mark is: "Happiness is a decision you make, not an emotion you feel."

You have to sit down and listen to yourself, REALLY listen, and discern what what your heart is telling you. From that, establish a CORE of values (I'm not speaking morally, yet). That core will carry you through life. The next step is to pick and choose, out of the rubble of your former life, what complements those values. From there you begin to build. You are facing alot without a doubt. Your life is cluttered with the past, your guilt, your frustration with your current situation. It's all one big, messy, very cold soup. But the vegetables in there aren't rotten or spoiled. You can pick them out and do something with them. What's it going to be?

Guilt -- consider (I've no idea if this is worth pursuing, but just consider it) apologizing to your ex-husband. You're not looking to get back with him, you're not looking for help, you're only looking to say you're sorry for what you did. He may hate you, be angry, all kinds of things but ... just consider it. If it's too insurmountable to consider, go to church and pray for forgiveness.

Your job as an LMT -- you mentioned that the internship was when you were happiest but you didn't definitively say that you didn't like being an LMT, only that your injuries impacted your ability to perform your job. Do you LIKE being an LMT? Have the injuries subsided enough that you can continue your work? Injuries aside, if you like being an LMT, stick with it.

Your new marriage -- you didn't say why your new husband stopped being the dream man he was when you met him. Is he abusive? An alcoholic? An unemployed angry man? Are drugs involved? If any of the above, leave him and go back home. Suck up your pride, eat that humble pie without water, milk or coffee and get back home to get reestablished. Staying with him is punishing yourself and you've done that and you've been punished for the last xx months.

You didn't say why you were miserable with your parents. Just because they're your parents? If your parents are jerks, well, that's one thing and understandable, that makes things more of a challenge. But if they're NOT, and they'll let you back (without your jerk of a new husband), then go back. But ONLY after you've established your core values and cobbled the plan of a new life for you.

Don't look to others to make you happy. Build a foundation, set goals for yourself, stick to them, see them through. Happiness comes with a sense of achievement. Achieve, happiness will sprout. With that fulfillment, which will overflow and spill out of you, you can SHARE with someone you've determined is living similarly.

Yes, things are a wreck now, but do NOT wallow. Pick up yourself. By posting this on Yahoo! Answers you're taking a step in the right direction. You DID make a mistake. You had an affair, you may have been impulsive and you've definitely been "smacked down." Call it karma, God's justice, and so on. Get back up! Dust yourself off. Cry and cry a bit, kick yourself a little more if you need to but find that CORE and build it and move on.

You have a real opportunity to make your life better. That opportunity is NOW. What are you going to do about it?

Answer 4

A bitter root will produce bitter fruit. Walk with wise men. Find somewhere you can dream. If one dream dies, dream another. What you believe has a much greater impact on your life than what anybody else believes. Learn to speak blessings over your life, your friends, your future. You can't unscramble eggs. It's in the tough times of life that we find out what were really made of. The trial is a test of your faith, character and endurance. Adversity often pushes us into our divine destiny. Happiness is a decision you make, not an emotion you feel. Don't worry about things you can't change. One of the healthiest things you can do is learn to smile more often. Learn to be more than obedient; learn to be willing.

Answer 5

O.K.................Take a deep breath!! So sorry about the hurricanes, that alone had to be alot to deal with!! Now that all of this has happened, it's time to SLOW DOWN, think about what your options are and take it one step at a time!! Try not to rely on others to save you, rely on them for HELP.Get mad.............anger can be a great motivator!! You have a right to be angry, that damn hurricane started a whirlwind of events that suck!!
After the anger, is sadness. Go ahead have a good cry, you've earned it!! Next have a pity party..........Life sucks, the weather sucks, guys suck, work sucks, my injuries suck, every thing sucks!!!!! Fear sometimes is a factor too. You can be afraid to change things that you know. (new spouse is a louse) And fear of the unknown, how do I go on from here?? Remember...........one step at a time?? One foot in front of the other, baby steps, but steps in the right direction, helping you to move forward and do the right things for you!! You've taken the first step, you asked for help!! You do know what to do!! Now take that deep breath, look in the mirror, tell yourself, your worth it, you go girl!!!!!!! You can do it!! You've come this far and look at all you've endured!! NOW.......YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

All right. That IS a lot. What you need to do is start fresh. Forget about what you had. You need to get a job that you can live with and not compare it to the internship. Pay your own bills and find your own place to live. Forget about men for now. You need to learn to live on your own, support yourself and learn to love yourself first. You can't expect someone to love you and treat you right if you can't do it for yourself. Once you are happy living on your own then you can let someone else in.

Answer 7

Its seems you've been living in a dream world. It is now time for you to mature, and understand that this world does not operate with "Dream Jobs and Dream Mates." Everything in this life takes hard work. In the past you have not made mature and adult decisions, now is the time to start doing so.

Answer 8

Sorry to say it to you like this but how do you expect things to go right in your life when you are hurting others? You have only been thinking about yourself and I believe when you do someone else wrong it will always come back on you. I don't know the rest of your story but I would really try to make things right.

Answer 9

Jeez, I haven't read the other part, but based on what I've read so far, I'd say most of what happened to you is your fault! Let your spouse move on! Fair enough, be with this other person, but you're stopping your spouse from living. Get a divorce if you can't stay faithful.

Answer 10

don' lose ur heart.Believe in urself n use ur brains before u use ur heart.Have an independent goal,first know wot actually u want.If u need both career n spouse,know wots more imp at the present moment.Plan out ur activities n yes,give urself some time,u r worth it.Don' b in a hurry.N life never repeats itself.....every day is a new day with bright hopes n courage.Best of Luck!