So, for over 4 months now, I have known that my best guy friend has liked me (We're 24). I know he's been wanting to pursue things more than our friendship level, but I have been trying to figure out my emotions and feelings, so we haven't taken it any further. Well, a few weeks ago I told him that I would give us a chance. He's an amazing guy and I know he'd treat me so well, but I was still unsure about everything. But I figure if I give other guys I don't know as well a chance, I should give him a chance. Well, the next day things didn't feel right. So, I told him that I changed my mind and couldn't date him. I don't know what it was, but something in my gut wasn't feeling right about my decision. Anyways, he's having a really hard time, saying that his heart is broken and that through this all, his feelings haven't changed for me. He told me a week ago that he is in love with me. I mean, am I being dumb by not being with him? Any advice would be great!
2006-09-28 01:49:46 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I think you're being smart by following your gut feeling. No matter what you do, remember not to regret anything!
2 things could happen now:
1. You guys will no longer be best friends anymore because he's too heartbroken and you know, all that emo stuff.
2. He understands and this continues to be a wonderful lifetime friendship.. and his love for you (as a friend will never dieeeee).
But no matter what, tell him that he's a special friend to you, that you're sorry you don't feel romantically attracted to him and that you would really really appreciate it if he wants to be your bestfriend again.. and that you love him, but not THAT way. Actually, I am pretty sure he'd understand. Maybe one day he'll meet a nice girl and get over you. Just talk to him heart to heart, make sure that youguys could reach a comfortable ground.
Just follow what your heart tells you!
2006-09-28 02:01:49 · answer #1 · answered by shuddupfirst 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not being dumb. Once you cross the line (go out with each other) you broke the unspoken rule of friendship.
Try to save this friendship is going to be hard because you lower his self esteem and trust by turning him down. See if you can set him up on a date. Best way to get over someone is get under someone.
2006-09-28 09:17:22 · answer #2 · answered by Kenshin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you are being silly for not wanting to give this a fair chance, If you two really are friends and it doesn't work out the friendship will survive. I find it quite interesting that you know that he would be good to you but you still have doubts. My grandmother always says, "Don't go after the one you love go after the one who loves you." We women always make the wrong choices with men...give him a chance.
2006-09-28 08:56:29 · answer #3 · answered by annisenior 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mi amiga, if the chemistry isn't there, you cannot "fake it 'til you make it". You must ask yourself objectively why you cannot date this guy who obviously adores you. In any case since you've banished him to the "friend zone" he will eventually get over his hurt, but probably will not be your friend at all, or at least not as "good" a friend as before - I know I could/would not. Prepare to lose him...
You also need to ask yourself how you would feel if in 2 weeks you saw him with another woman and they were obviously happy. Jealous, sad, or happy or a mix of all 3?
2006-09-28 09:21:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm with Annie on this one. Go for it girl!
Good men are hard to find, and if you know this guy will treat you right, jump on it now before someone else grabs him, and you will wonder about it the rest of your life.
Right now it's probably still a shock to you, and you need to get used to the idea.
But the guys who are your friends first tend to be the ones who will stick by you through thick and thin.
2006-09-28 09:11:54 · answer #5 · answered by deb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to have a female friend and we started having feelings for each other but things were complicated as we are both young and classmates. Anyway I was a bit late to cotton on and ask her to be my girl and when I did she said no. I do not know why but the only thing I know is that I do not have a friend anymore.
2006-09-28 08:54:10 · answer #6 · answered by TheDementedMule 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough situation! Don't force feeling you don't have! Explain that you love him too but not as a boyfriend! Of course you don't want to hurt him,but getting into a relationship without (sexual feelings) certain feelings could do more harm than good and you don't want to mess up a good friendship!
2006-09-28 08:59:20 · answer #7 · answered by kelley1031 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should learn that what he want's is not necessarily what you both want. He'll live, learn, and get over it in time. If you don't feel comfortable with it now then you pretty much never will, relationships usually just have a kind of "it's meant to be vibe" when they happen, and this one clearly doesn't seem like one of those. Tell him he's your best friend, and that's how you think of him, and you don't want to jepordise your friendship.
Like I said, he'll get over it.
2006-09-28 08:54:48 · answer #8 · answered by Game Guy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well not try to be mean but you shouldnt of drag him along. you should of been honest and tell him how you feel. but now is your chance. tell him i am not sure and i want to see how everything go between us as friends and then see what happen in the future ok. but take it slow. one day at a time. good luck
2006-09-28 08:54:38 · answer #9 · answered by Melda R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you's are really good friends it shouldn't affect your friendship too much, you seem pretty decent in being honest about it, you're not dumb for not being with him, but if iin a few months time you've still not got together will you really be able to cope with him bringing a new girlfriend to meet you?
2006-09-28 08:52:21 · answer #10 · answered by xx_lush_xx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋