Okay my daughter is 2.5 years old.We went to the Dr.s on Monday and they are wanting to send her to a Behavorial councelor.I mean she is a little mean hits spits that kind of thing I do not know if it is excessive or just a child being a child ..should I take her and see what he has to say ...There is no signs of ADD or ADHD she does not have a learning disorder......her hearing is fine also so it is not like she is just not hearing things. She does not get a swat for hiting tha does not seem to be the right thing to do hit for hitting.I out her in time out or remove toys or take away her elmo time. Nothing seems to work though .PLEASE HELP
2006-09-28 01:44:32 · 9 answers · asked by thunder_rainclouds 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
No support from her father and he was abusive when we were together .
2006-09-28 02:03:48 · update #1
I have been working with children most of my life career also and did not have any problems till it came down to my own
2006-09-28 02:07:19 · update #2
maybe I am being too easy on her.like she cares if I take away a toy she has millions
2006-09-28 02:08:09 · update #3
She sounds very angry and confused about her dad. Give her a lot of extra love and support. Try my suggestions. If it doesn't help, consider taking her to a play theapist to get to the root of her anger.
Try using logical and natural consequences when she is misbehaving. You are right about not hitting when she hit. It only reinforces the behavior. Time out and taking away toys if she hits or spits are not logical consequences. Taking away a toy if she throws the toy is logical. Giving her a place to spit is logical. Here are some examples of logical and natural consequences: If she makes a mess, she cleans the mess. If she is destructive with a toy or throws it, it gets put out of her reach where she can see it until she is ready to play gently. If she breaks a toy, she puts it in the trash. Let the punishment fit the crime.
When she hits you, get down to her level and say "Don't hit me. I don't want to be near you if you are going to hit me." Walk away or put her in her room until she is ready to be gentle. Don't set a time limit (you controlling her). Let her come out when she is ready to control herself. If she hits someone else, rush to that person and empathize. "Ouch that must have hurt! Let me get you some ice for that." Ignore your daughter. She will not like the feeling of being shut out. When she spits, take her to the bathroom and point to the toilet. Tell her "You can spit here. When you're finished spitting then you can come out."
Empathize with her when she is calm. "You must have been really (mad, hurt, angry, frustrated, disappointed.) What can we do about that?" Do some problem solving with her. She will soon learn to express herself.
It sounds like she is trying to feel powerful. Help her to feel powerful by saying things like "You did that by yourself! You can run super fast! You used so many colors on you picture!" These are intrinsic rewards rather than extrinsic rewards ("Good job!", stickers, candy). They will help her to feel powerful and confident.
Set limits! Be consistent. "No" should always mean "No" the first time you say it. Offer choices "Do you want to do that by yourself or do you want some help?" Pick your battles! Say "Yes" often! Best of luck to you!
2006-09-28 07:00:59 · answer #1 · answered by marnonyahoo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Given that u have a back round with children it may be just some minor inconsistencies. Tim outs are good but u have to be firm and make her due the time for the crime. Also praise her for the things she does good. For example, make a picture chart that has a sign of a fist and tell her that if she doesn't hit and is nice praise her and give her a sticker to put on the chart. at the end of the day count the stickers and jump up and down and give her a reward a mall one. If u take her toys away this may be a time if she gets lets say 10 stickers each day then she may earn her toy back for being nice. u can also use this for potty training and make a goody jar with different cool items and when she earns her end of the day stickers then she can pick from the goodie jar. i hope i was helpful....be consistent and use positive reinforcement like the teachers use in day care. good luck to u and i hope i was of some help.
2006-09-28 09:28:41 · answer #2 · answered by coopchic 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No offense intended, but what he should have recommended are some parenting classes. You could try joining a local parenting support group. Parenting isn't something that comes like magic and babies don't come with manuals, as I'm sure you know.
It's normal for children to push boundaries and try out new things, even if they aren't acceptable behaviors. The trick is to learn how to show them where their boundaries end and why they can't act out in unacceptable manners.
Glad to know you aren't hitting because she hits. Good job on that one. Do you have support from the father?
(addition) Read your continued post. She's 2 1/2. She's going through the 2's. When she starts acting overboard, biting, hitting or spitting, tell her NO, then put her in a quiet place- no toys, no stimulation. I'm sure you know this already. You could also try redirecting her, distracting her from the situation. Not with some reward, but with some toy picking up or give her a towel for dusting.
This too shall pass. She'll be fine. Don't panic. Some doctors seem to get off on pouring guilt all over a mother's head over behavior that is completely normal. Normal doesn't mean you have to put up with it. Normal means that she's fine and so are you and eventually, you'll sort things out.
2006-09-28 08:51:37 · answer #3 · answered by auld mom 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The last thing you put in your question about the millions of toys just answered your own question. She doesn't care because she has more. Sounds to me as if she's spoiled. I'd follow the doctor's instructions. You might be able to pick up some parenting hints.
2006-10-02 05:48:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She might be acting out because of what she was around what she sees is what you get. The thing with that is she might blam you for her father doing what he did but dont worry its not your fault. Just work with her and show her love and send her to the B.S and see what they say because thats not being a normal child. NO one knows what a normal child acts like.
2006-09-28 09:21:28 · answer #5 · answered by nyah_00 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I Praise u for leaving a man that would hit u especially for the sake of your child...............so i also think that u are doing the best u can do don't worry I'm sure your daughter is normal....U sound very interesting we should talk sometime.....I'm Ron
2006-09-29 20:46:01 · answer #6 · answered by peewee_poopstain 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i went threw the same thing, except she was 1 when i left him for hitting me. You have to get down to there level and talk to her let her know how it feels to be hit have her draw a happy picture and a angry one. Another thing that worked for me was talking her favorite toy away and she sat in timeout.
2006-09-28 16:00:27 · answer #7 · answered by lisa 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why does a 2.5 year old have millions of toys? Sounds like she is spoiled and will hit or spit to get her way. Get tough NOW.
2006-09-28 09:48:14 · answer #8 · answered by KathyS 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Sounds like you need a Behavorial counselor.
2006-09-28 08:52:47 · answer #9 · answered by bubu 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋