Stepdaughter is 11. She’s been told that from now on she’s to get her clothes out the night before school b/c she has difficulties in the mornings like most kids. Last night she was watching a movie when I told her to go get her clothes ready. She argues. I say OK then go to bed right now so you will have time in the AM. She says she'll get her clothes. She pulls out the first thing she sees. A white dress she wore as a flower girl to a wedding. I've been advised by others to not debate with her over clothes/hair choices as she's old enough to decide and face feel the consequences of her choices. I say OK, find the dress shoes. She complains but finds them and resumes watching TV. Next AM she marches past the dress without blinking an eye and goes to find some clothes. She almost missed her bus. I told her that I think she knew she wasn't going to wear that dress and lied to me. She got quiet. How to prevent this behavior in the future please?
2006-09-28 01:21:24 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
The TV need to go. Kids are very dependent on TV these days and taking it away is like taking drugs away from an addict. A night or two without the tube will get some results.
2006-09-28 01:30:59 · answer #1 · answered by Fermat 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are the adult and you need to show her that. She is 11 years old so when you tell her to do something and she refuses,take away the things she really likes. If she is watching t.v and you tell her to do something cut the t.v off until it is done,right. As goes her dressing make sure she is decent. If you don't want to control to much what she wears, just make sure its something she 'should' wear. And stepdaughter or not she still represents you and your husband and what she does reflects on you. Lying should never be permitted and if it has to come to this in situations like that you should have made her wear the dress. What could she do but admit the truth and face the consequences. It is merely cause and effect. Considering all this which one will have the upper-hand from now on, you or a 11 year old?
2006-09-28 03:16:07 · answer #2 · answered by luscious17_2008 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My daughter is 10 and pulls the same thing from time to time. She is grounded right now for lying about homework being done. Actually I think she just forgot 1 assignment but that really doesn't matter.
Here are our rules:
1. The before bed routine MUST be done. (check out flylady.net) If she has her evening routine done (including picking out clothes) by 8:30 then she may have until 9 to read and settle down in her room before lights out.
2. If she isn't done, then she loses the free time, finishes what she didn't do, and lights out right then.
3. TV is THE FIRST to go. She isn't allowed to watch more than a 1/2 hour on the weekdays.
4. NO changing the clothes laid out the night before, unless the weather changes it for her.
A violation like your daughter did would earn her a week of no tv, no phone except to family, no playing with friends. Further breaches of rules during her grounding removes her CD player, her gameboy, and taking baths (showers only, and my daughter loves baths) one by one. Then it's on to more extra chores, but usually she is smart enough not to do that.
She knows the rules, and she usually follows them. Remember that your step-daughter is learning, she is only 11, and you should be worried if she didn't do this. I think more structure and consistency will help her. Have a meeting about the rules, write them down and post them, and ask her to tell you what she thinks a fair punishment for breaking them would be (when she is not in trouble)
Good luck.
2006-09-28 03:32:22 · answer #3 · answered by Simply_Renee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What works in my house is to go through with her the Sunday before school and have my 6 year old to pick all the outfits she wants to wear and put them on hangers with labels with the day on it and the shoes under them that go with that outfit. That way she knows exactly what to wear and what day to wear it. That way she has the confidence to wear her clothes and she can still tell everyone that SHE picked the outfit. And I guarantee your little one is out of the house faster. The lieing thing I was much meaner if that even is a word. Blatenly lie to her a few times. If she askes for a treat after dinner say yes and don't give it to her until she askes again where it is and then say,"oops I lied." Then talk to her about how dissapointing it feels to have someone lie to you. Then the next time she lies remind her of that feeling and ask her again for the truth, let her know that its ok to tell you without punishment of that truth. When she does tell the truth reward her for that and lots of praises and talk about what would happen next time she lies or does what ever she lied about. Alway thank her for telling the truth no matter what happened because after all its the lie that makes us upset over the misdeed. I had to do this with my 2 year old who blames everything on her father. He goes into her room while she is sleeping and messes it up apparently and tells her not to brush her teeth. And if that doesn't work just remind her that santa and grandma knows when they are bad. lol.
2006-09-28 01:40:39 · answer #4 · answered by Stephanie K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I have the exact same problems with my 11 year old son...I thought it was just me, lol. Here is what we do and it makes life much easier, I make him shut the TV while he is getting everything ready for school the next day. When he has it all together, I check it before he turns the tv back on. If he chooses not to wear it the next day and gives me trouble, I remind him that "he" chose the items and also that if he does not put them on, he will lose his tv for that evening. I have only had to do this once, when he realized I wasn't kidding...He now gets his things ready and chooses what he will "really" wear in the morning.
2006-09-28 01:30:20 · answer #5 · answered by **KELLEY** 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have a 10 year old daughter, and she does things like that too. I think its the age. However, she should be punished for not telling the truth. maybe the TV should go off a 1/2 hour earlier tonight, so she will have plenty of time. this means that others in the house will have to suffer by having the TV off too, but so be it.
2006-09-28 01:28:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My 6 3 hundred and sixty 5 days old kinds, folds and places her laundry away! She additionally gadgets and clears the table. She would not gets a commission because of the fact she lives here and has to do her section! She would do extra chores for funds if she likes. i think of an 11 3 hundred and sixty 5 days old would desire to do lots extra. Like backyard artwork.
2016-10-18 03:11:33 · answer #7 · answered by carrera 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why hasn't her dad stepped up to the plate in all this?
What I do with my nephew who lives with me is this. bedtime is at 8, nightly routine begins at 7. That means the TV goes off.
Shower, teeth brushing, lay out clothes for the next day and if there is time, he can read until 8pm.
He complained and acted bratty about it, but it has worked.
2006-09-28 01:31:04 · answer #8 · answered by empress_pam 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to let her know you are the parents and she wont watch TV until you see her clothes for school the next morning and if you don't like the clothes she picked out send her back into the room and find something else.
2006-09-28 03:14:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just start telling her to pull out the clothes she is going to wear or you are going to start treating her like she is in preschool and pull them out for her....DO NOT DO THIS ...........M make her little butt go to bed at 8 for about a week and then when she decides that this is not fair then tell her to go get her clothes out for school and whatever she pulls out is what she IS wearing.....Hopefully this helps.It is going to get easier but not for a few more years. GOOD LUCK
2006-09-28 01:28:49 · answer #10 · answered by thunder_rainclouds 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋