What to do, what to do....?????

Question

Pros:

We love each other
We're getting to be great friends
We look great together
Our families get along
The sex is great
Our careers connect well
We're both athletic - we take good care of ourselves
She's beautiful
She's sexy
We share expenses
We live together
We have the same long term goals
We're committed to monogamy, etc.

Cons:

Something is always wrong
She constantly questions the relationship
She's always looking for fault
She doesn't trust yet (we're both divorced - me before her...)
Foreplay is one way!
I also have some trust issues (my first wife cheated)
While I own property, etc - she doesn't have many assets
She accuses me of lying
She's jealous
I feel like I'm on eggshells - anything can set her off

I'm starting to wonder if this will work "long term" - or if I should just let go, and start over, and DEAL with the crapola all over again..... I don't want to loose a good thing, but I'm feeling like I do all the work in the relatioship

Answer 1

All of the things on you "con' list can really be wrapped up into one issue,You sound as though your both insecure in your relationship. I think your partner would really apreciate lots of reassurance. Tell her how happy you are in this relationship (start by going through your "pro" list) Tell her shes beautiful, that you love how your developing a great friendship, that you are committed to her... she will with time start to feel safer in the relationship..and so will you. The trust and security will grow from there.. and I wish you a happy and rewarding relationship ! :-)

Answer 2

if u think you're gg to find a better deal elsewhere, then reconsider your first Pro.. is that statement then true?

And also, realistically-speaking, there's no perfect union out there.. something's bound to bug you somewhere down the line....
If the cons bring you down so much that you're unhappy, then quit this.
All the con issues will only be resolved if you two have a chat tog...trust issues, foreplay etc..... you don't need to bottle this up or solve the relationship on your own. At least TRY to work/ talk it out before u use a list to nit-pick at the relationships' faults.

Answer 3

ha - well - it can be good to open yourself to strangers - it helps you think, may get some calming advice, references - it's a tough situation. A similar situation to myself, as it happens. Although I am starting a relationship with my ex wife. weird huh?

The essence of your problem is 'baggage'. All the things that have happened to you both that have created the insecurities that you both have to deal with. As far as your partner goes, I am sure that you re assure her. Try to be calm when you do, rather than getting irritated. It might also be open to her - and tackle the problem calmy. "I love you, I want to be with you - but there are things we really need to talk about"

the thing is with insecurities, is that if they are not resolved, they can fester, they can snowball. The same goes for yourself. It isn't always easy to tackle this awkward subjects without getting emotional. It seems you need reassurance yourself.

As far as foreplay goes - again, it is probably an idea to suggest to her - in a round about way - tell her what you really enjoy - say it woulg be good to understand sexually what SHE would really want, to make her feel as good as possible - and then also tell her what YOU really like.

Ultimately,. these insecurities and other difficulties are best talked about. If you can't resolve them, then you have to make a decision as to whether you can handle teh relatsinhip the way it is. You can't give more than you have.....

Answer 4

Whoa...too many cons.
She is always looking for a fault...she doesn't trust you....she's jealous. These are bad things. These are things that MEAN something.
Your Pro's are just, well, materialistic like. "We look good together" "Shes hot" So what? If you are not happy...whats that really worth?

If you want to try to make it work...go to a counselor. TRY. But if you dont want to or dont have the energy...then move on. :( It's hard and sad but when she's old and saggy and still making you walk on eggshells...will you care that she "was" hot?

Answer 5

well i get the impression the only thing keeping Ur relationship together is that u "look good" together....but theres so much more to making it work...and it doesnt seem like yas have that...the #1 key to a long lasting relationship is trust..and neither one of u seem to have it..jealousy is ok to a point ,but it starts to ruin everything and you will find urself defending yourself all the time instead of enjoyiny ur relationship.I just think if u go further in this relationship u will find the con's will get worse and no relationship will work with them problems......

Answer 6

I must compliment you for detailing each and every aspect so meticulously. However, I feel its virtually impossible to find someone who does not have any negative points.

My suggestion is ... prioritize your concerns ("cons") and then evaluate if the relationship is worth pursuing or not.

Another evaluation technique is ... put points against all 'pros' and 'cons' ... add them up ... let higher of the two determine the future course of your action.

Answer 7

dude, being with any woman feels like walking on egg shells. if u don't have that feeling u will be bored to death and start cheating out of boredom

Answer 8

just tell her how do u feel about ur relation ship and discuss the situation with her so u won't make a choice u may not become comfotable with it

Answer 9

evenif the positive list is big than negative after marriage you both will definetly see more of negative so,move on and let you be friends.

Answer 10

Dont you think you should make that kind of decsision yourself and not be asking strangers to decide