When a friend hits is it ok for my 6 yr old to hit back or should i let him get hit and not retaliate at all.?

Question

Earlier whenever another child used to hit my 6 yr old son he used to hit back settle the scores and come back.After complaints from respective mothers, I forbade him from hitting anyone. Now he gets hit and doesn't retaliate. I feel terrble for doing this to him.What is the better option.

Answer 1

Tell him that "friends" don't hit each other. If a child is continually hitting your son, don't let your son hang out with him!! Otherwise, defending yourself, when someone hits you first, is the only way to stop them from doing it again!!

Answer 2

Now keep in mind this is just mt personal opinion, I have discussed this matter with my six year old. Here is what I have told him. If someone is hitting you tell, If they keep hitting you defend your self, but only as you very last option, I explained{ and keep explaining the difference between defending ones self and retaliation} It is not ok to hit just because you have been hit but it is never ok to allow someone to beet on you. It is a hard concept for a 6 year old that is why we keep going over it. As for those other parents mabey you should talk to them about the fact that their child has been hitting and if they do not like it when yours hits back then they should discus with them how to use words instead of fists.

Answer 3

My 4 yr is mostly a really, sweet, caring little boy. But other times he is a bully & when he comes complaining to me that other kids hit him, I simply say "Well, you hit them first so what do you expect?". It's funny how often the other parent comes up apologising for their kid hitting mine. You should see the looks on their faces when I say I don't have a problem with retaliation in these circumstances - it's priceless!!!

Let him settle the score. No-one should be walked over regardless of age. If the other parents want to complain - let them. They need to realise that sometimes their "little angels" are really devils in disguise!!!!

Answer 4

I told my first born he was never to hit. It didn't take too long before he was singled out - by kids he'd never met, first time at a Discovery Zone playground, for example!

When I saw the utter humiliation on his 3 year old face when a bully ran at him and started pummeling my can't-hit-back son (both kids were up above us in see-through tubes!), I immediately changed that rule.

I realized my idealistic embrace of non-violence was really hurting my son. It's not for me to tell another person not to defend themselves, sheesh!

It's been many years now, and our son is 6 feet tall and broad shouldered and such things haven't been an issue. But, when he was around 8, another bully walked up and threw a rock in his face, blackening his eye. My son exploded with rage, picked up a fallen pine tree! about 20 feet long and started charging at the bully who ran up a tree! We called our son Ajax for a while after that!

I sent ours home when I caught up with everyone, then marched the bully home. Fortunately, his mom actually cared!

To your specific issue, why the complaints? Is he hitting kids younger than himself? That is much more touchy as even little bullies abound out there today. Nonetheless, if your son is older than the others and could hurt them, he will have to tell you and the other mothers what's going on. If the other kids are the same age and he is hitting back, what is the other mothers' problem with him?

We do have one friend who has down syndrome, and so my kids had to tolerate hitting from him without hitting back. Finally, when the boy hit 7 years old, and my youngest was suffering from being hit and not being allowed to hit this one boy back, I said - go for it. It was hard with the mom - a good friend - right there, but the time had come for even that boy to learn that he couldn't pummel at will without retaliation.

I support non-violence, but not allowing our little kids to hit back is a huge disservice to them. Again, I think turning the other cheek is a decision you make for yourself, not others.

Answer 5

I've been in the same situation as you.I have 2 kids a 7 yr old boy and a 3 yr old girl , with my 3rd on the way.I always taught my son it was not nice to hit.You would'nt like it if someone did it to you so dont do it to them.I never had the problem of my kid being the bully.Caleb is a shy kid and is very impressionable.I was babysitting one of his classmates over the summer and noticed this kid was just plain out rude to my children and his mother.Caleb would come and tell me this kid would hit him and I would scold the kid and tell his mother.It got me no where.I finally told Caleb one day thats it if he hits you , you hit him back.You just cant let your kid be picked on.You dont want them to be a bully but, you certainly dont want them to be the one getting picked on either.I try and teach my child that its not a good thing to hit but, its also not a good thing to let someone run all over you.No matter what age.Good luck!

Answer 6

If it actually comes to someone hitting your son, and quite often, then there must be some greater issue here than your son hitting them back.

Many kids are not entirely honest about telling what exactly the situation was that led to someone hitting him. Try to get the real story by talking to your kid, and to the parents of other kids.

If your kid is not at fault, and the other kids are just bullying him, he should be allowed to retaliate. But along with that, you should also tell him how to avoid such situations. It is always better not to get into a fight, than to get into one and win it.

If your kid is a recluse, not having friends, there is a high possibility that other kids will bully him and hit him. Help him to make a circle of friends, who will discourage others from harming him.

Answer 7

I know that we are supposed to tell our kids not to be violent, but what are we meant to do???!!!
We can't make our children think that they have to stand back and take whatever some schoolyard bully wants to dish out.
A few mothers I know have experienced the very same thing as this, my kids are still preschool age but it already happens now!
Tell your boy to stick up for himself and then you stick up for him when it comes to the other mothers. If their kids wants to dish it out then they need to learn that there are consequences for their actions, and if that means a good whack back when they hit your kid, than so be it. Ask those mothers what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot? I am sure that they wouldn't just let their kid take it. There really is no better option here I don't think. It is just they way of this world unfortunately. Every man for himself

Answer 8

I say tell him to hit back. I have two boys. Our neighbor kid is terribly rough with them and I've caught him being mean. I've stayed out of it but after the fact I sat my kids down. I explained to them that it is not right to bully someone. But if someone is picking on them then they have my permission to kick the **** out of them. Of course, I didn't say it in those words. But I see nothing wrong with defending ones self. They've both opted to steer clear of this kid because he is just mean.

As for the moms--if their child acted first I'm not sure what they expect. I've seen my youngest get hit or pushed when he has taken a toy or been somewhat of a bully. I don't do or say anything. If he is going to provoke someone like that he deserves what he gets. We've had a long talk about that kind of behavior though and he has gotten better about it. But if some mother got upset with me because my child was defending himself, I'd tell her where to stick it.

Answer 9

Wow, what a great question! I'm dealing with the same issue. I have a 4 and a 5 and they consta-fight. The older one hits the little one and when he hits her back she comes crying to me that he hit her! I ask her if she hit him first and she tells me yes and then continues to complain about the fact that he hit her back! I try to explain the absurdity of this to her and she absolutely doesn't get it! I personally believe that we all have a right to defend ourselves. How we do that is another question! I wish that the little one would come to me and tell me that she hit him and let me (the grown-up) deal with her. But try explaining that to a little kid! I guess our role here is to repeatedly teach the higher path that could have been chosen. How could you have handled that differently? Then we provide other possible ways of solving the trouble. We can't expect them to have the enlightenment that most grown ups don't even possess, and not hit back in self defense. I don't punish for that , I just try to teach ways of how to deal with those feelings in other ways. Now hitting 1st, I punish with time-out. I really don't believe in spanking, but I do it anyway sometimes! See! Even I at age 42 "lose it" How can I expect this perfect behavior from these little ones? I definitely think that your little boy should be allowed to defend himself in anyway necissary. If an adult isn't around to protect him at the time, Heck yeah, he can hit back. We don't want to teach him that he should accept abuse for any reason! This creates a victim mentality and lots of therapy in adulthood! I know this from personal experience! Good Luck! Parenting is a Tough job and we need all the help we can get! Love, Cindy

Answer 10

Hey retaliation is good at times if he is standing up for his rights. I mean if someone starts a fight and collobers him, You should let him fight or say atleast defend himself. Later onwards you can just say to the other childs parents that your child started this and if this continues, I'm not gonna hold my son back!