How do you leave your baby's father but keep him in your son's life?

Question

I have been with my baby's father for over 3 years. We've had alot of problems. He's cheated on me constantly, among other things. We moved in with our mothers when we found out we were going to have a baby for more financial surport. After 3 years of living together it was hard not to anymore. In the past I had lived with him and his mother, but she said she didn't want that this time because it would be too cramped, but I am welcome to visit anytime. (Me and his mother have a very good relationship) So imagine my surprise & anger when I found out a week ago that not only has he been seing someone behind my back, but she has been living with them for a week! Obviously it's time to leave him alone, which is really hard because I love him dearly but he can't keep hurting me like this. I am due Oct 14th. How do I let him go on with his life & still have the 24/7 father my son deserves? He said he wanted to be there for everything but it hurts to see him. & I don't want my son to see this

But how do I deal with him at the hospital while I'm having the baby. And then with him around all the time after our son is born? It will be too hard. I need time to get over this, but our son is due in less than 3 weeks! I just want to kick him out of our lives, but I don't want to make the wrong decision for my son. How do you know what's right? And if he brought his girlfriend around there would be trouble. Exspecially at the hospital! I would hurt him so bed he would have the room next to me!!!

Answer 1

First, you really need some time to get over all of this. What he has done to you hurts, and it can cause some sour feelings but you dont want to involve your child in any bad situations. So my best advice would be to just stay away from him for now, contact him and see him only if it concerns your child, and also, if u feel uncomfortable with his new girlfriend being at the hospital during birth or at ur house if he comes to see the baby, ask him to leave her at home. If he gets mad about that, thats his problem. But u have to do whats best for you and your son.

Answer 2

For certain, you cannot always hold on to what is not really yours. You're not married with him right? And even though you are, there's no need to hang on to that situation knowing fully well that it won't work. Being a 24/7 father to your son would be impossible since this would never let you forget the hurt and pains that he had brought you. Maybe you can only let him visit your child. Time will also come when you could strongly carry on with your life. All you can do right now is wait for your baby to come out, take good care of him, be a good mother to him, hold your head up high kuz' you're not the ones on the wrong side of life, but struggle to perform your responsibilities. In due time, your child will look up to you with due respect and love.

Answer 3

Don't worry about trying to keep him in your childs life, you can not make him be there for the kid if he doesn't want to . You can go through the courts and make him pay child support. Writing out that check every month will be a constant reminder that he has a child .You may find another man, a good one, before your child is old enough to ask about "daddy"A very large percentage of children in the world are being raised by stepfathers. In some cases no father at all is better than the biological one. So take it easy , enjoy the last couple of weeks of your pregnancy and make a good life for you and your baby. You can only count on yourself, make sure your baby can count on you too.

Answer 4

An unmarried father has no rights to the child and, thus, can not stop you from leaving the state with your child. This is true whether he's on the birth certificate or not. This is true whether he pays child support or not. This is true until he establishes a custody/visitation order in court. Until you have a court order restricting your right to move out of state, you are permitted to move out of state. Once you move, he may be able to have a court compel you to move back. He would need an attorney.

Answer 5

Sounds like you guys have a big history. I understand you wanting him to have the involvement aswell. You're going to need to sit down prior to delivering your baby. You need to set some ground rules such as you do not want his girlfriend to come to the hospital while you are in labor. U respect his decision to move on however it is not appropriate at that time for her to be involved. Also you need to find out from him what type of commitment he is willing to make to your and your child (financially and such). Get this done up front so that you dont have to deal with it after the fact.
Please dont stress. I was with my daughters father for 3 years and gave up EVERYTHING for him for him to go and cheat on me while i was pregnant and not be there for me when i needed him and for him to continue cheating the first year of her life. I finally had the guts to move on after a year. I've been out of that relationship for almost 10 months now and i am so much happier.

Its rough, but when people offer support accept it. Good Luck!

Answer 6

If he's moved on then the best thing for you to do is move on as well. If you don't you'll just bring yourself down and your child will pick up on this. There's no easy solution to broken families. My husband has an 11 year old daughter to a previous relationship. He pays his child support and we see her several times a week. She wants to live with us full time so we're currently going for custody of her. But he can have visitation with your baby, be a part of his life. Make sure you include him in everyday things, school, doctors appt's and such. It's hard but it can work!

Answer 7

Nobody wants a broken family...but if it is something not worth to keep,you better let go of it...first,you don't deserve this kind of man. I am separated for a year now.My husband and I lived together for 12 years and in this span of time,I did all my best to keep the family intact..as if I can't hear and see anything..I thought I was doing my children a great favor by staying in their father's side no matter what.But I was wrong.It was almost too late when I finally realized I have to keep my sanity intact ;I have to have enough respect and dignity for myself in order to raise my children well...It was no use having a father for them when he's such a miserable creature...MOVE ON...Your child needs you to be strong for him..A child doesn't deserve anything less than the best...You can do it,girl! I did it...And I'm happy..I'm sure you will,too.The best of luck..and Congratulations!

Answer 8

Do you think that kind of man ( and i use that term loosely) can be a good father? Do you want your child to grow up thinking its ok to treat women the way hes treated you? Thats what your child will learn! If hes out romping around on you, it doesn't sound like he really cares about you or his child. Leave him now and don't look back. Trust me, your child can and will deal with it. When your baby is older you can expalin the facts to them. If you want to keep him in your baby's life then you need to set definate ground rules and deal breakers and if he can't stick to them, then let him know he won't be allowed to keep seeing the child. Stop thinking about yourself and how you will feel and start thinking about whats best for the child!!!!

Answer 9

You can try, but eventually all men leave.

I left the door open for my ex to be an active part of our son's life when we divorced.
But eventually he just stopped being a part of our son's life all together.
He cheated on me, so I left. I made sure he had open visitation, but his father never took advantage of it.
He would see his son maybe twice a year for the first few years. Then he cut it back to only once a year, now it's not at all.
My son hasn't seen his father in three years.

Honestly, all you can do is let him know that the door is open, it's up to him to walk through it.
You can't force him to take part in your baby's life. He has to actively WANT to and actually BE part of that child's life.

My son doesn't have any desire to make his dad take an active role in his life. He knows his father is too busy with his new family and couldn't care less if he ever saw him again.
I know it hurt him at first, but he saw what his father was all about and has simply said he doesn't even want that kind of influence in his life anymore.

I was really saddened by it at first when his father cut visitation back to only once a year. But then his father started forgetting birthdays and holidays too. If it was a holiday that I had my son, his father wouldn't even bother sending a card. He hasn't called his son on his birthday in five years! He would call a day or two or even three later, claiming he was "busy" or whatever. Then he's make promices to send a gift or a card, but they never arrived.

My son sees right through his dad's lies. He now sees his father for who he really is.

It's tragic, but you can't force it.

Answer 10

Well.. your child is too young right now. You need to move on.. it will works it's way out.. he may choose to be a flake and you get to be there for your child... let go of the anger and focus on being a great mother!! You will find someone in your life that will respect you. You deserve it!

Congratulations on your baby.