My Fiancee died in April what should I do?

Question

I was with her 5 1/2 yrs and now am in law school In another city and all of the stuff here she bought so it hurts to be at home and the guilt that I feel when i fell a moment of happiness is almost overwhelming.i spend @ 12 hours at school a day to not have to spend time at home and can't sleep in the bed w/o anxiety and nightmares. She died in a car wreck 2 months pregnant i was behind her following her home from work and saw it all happen She was hit by a car running a stop sign and then hit a telephone pole and the transformer hit car and she was alive for 10 min and the firedept could not do anything because of live wires I can hear her screams and see it all replay when i close my eyes I have went to counciling

Answer 1

My heart breaks for your tragic loss! You don't realize it now, but you are doing exactly what you have to do to carry on, my friend! Every situation is different, so I can't sit here and tell you what to do or how to do it--just go through it! I know that is trite, and it sounds like a cop-out, even as I am writing it--but it is as close to the truth as I can come with you!

My God, you have brought me close to tears! Your story is so heartbreaking--there are very few that I've ever heard that are as gut wrenching, in all my years!! I grieve for you, and I grieve with you--but I want you to know that you are in the process of doing whatever it is that you have to do to get over it! You are a strong young man, perhaps stronger than you may think! If the situation were somehow reversed, what would you tell your fiance to do if she lost you to an accident?? Just stick with it--don't expect that the pain will completely go away, but it DOES LESSEN, I can guarantee you that much!! What ever you do from now on, do it as a tribute to her memory, and to the memory of a child who will never have to go through the pain of the kind of loss that you are feeling right now! Keep up with the counseling--that's very important as well. And I wish you all the best that life has to offer you, my friend!!

Answer 2

Could it be possible that your fiancee would have loved you enough to want to you to live a better, more happy life than the one you are living now?....Maybe the real problem here is that you have not made peace with the whole fact that you have lost your fiancee? And you blame yourself mostly because you feel you could have or should have done something more to save her from what happened...Until you finally make peace with yourself and realize that there was absolutely nothing you could have done, then you will forever live with that guilt..I don't think your fiancee would have wanted you to live that way...

You may not agree with this, but there is a loving God who can take you past what you feel..Who can take you to better things..

When I was dying of untreated alcoholism and drug addiction I was at my wits end because no one wanted anything to do with me..I had driven everyone in my life away because of the damage I did to them..I was a selfish, arrogant, and egotistical, coniving, lying and cheating, and stealing heap of a man...

I finally surrendered and begged Dear God to take it all away from me..and he did...

I havent had a drink since August 23 2003..I am a police officer now..I have a new wonderful girlfriend who is right out of heaven..And if you pardon my sentimental experession, is a dear angel...

God did not punish you..Youre punishing yourself because you believe you could have done something different...Start living your life new and ritually make peace with yourself and ask God to help you let that go, so that way you can let the spirit of your wife and your unborn child free...

This life is too short...God doesnt create tragedy..people do..Sometimes life deals us a bad hand, but we are no one to say that God punishes us for being good people...Infact God has rewarded you already and you are sound asleep to it...

Take what has happened and make something good with it...Youre a better man for it today..

Answer 3

There is really no answer that anyone can give you that will make your pain go away. You have suffered unimagionable hurt and I am so sorry for your loss!!!
Have you considered getting new things to decorate with if that is what you mean. Make the new place yours, please dont get me wrong this is not to erase her but to give you a space without constant reminders so you dont feel that constant hurt.
Ever considered getting a roomate? At least you would not have to come home to an empty house. Small changes to give your mind something else to think about even for a few minutes, so it is not always dwellin on your loss.
You may have to consider taking something non addictive to help you sleep like Tylenol PM or Simply Sleep. You will be able to function better in every way with more sleep.
I dont know how religious of a person you are and I'm not trying to preach here but when I dealt with a loss of my own I also had trouble sleeping and every night I would say my prayers as I was taught to do growing up and I would say "just please hold my hand tonight, I need your comfort" that somehow always seemed to help me settle down for the night. Just pray to him to settle your heart, help you let go of any guilt you may feel, those feelings of what if, if only I had. When you ask for his help be open to except how he answers that prayer it may be in an unexpected way but he will answer you.
There was nothing you could have done to prevent what happened. It is definitely something that takes a long while to heal from. Eventually you feel yourself letting go of the hurt and being able to remember her without tears and a pain in your gut because you want her back so bad sometimes you cant breath.
I am sure that she would want you to be happy though, to allow yourself a chance for happiness. I really dont feel like she would want you to feel guility because you are beginning to feel some happiness again. You know in your heart that your happiness was always important to her.
Let yourself live, live your life in a way that you know would make her proud. You become a great lawyer and fight for victims like yourself who because of someones elses negilence lose a loved one. Empower yourself, give yourself permission to be happy again.
Sorry if any or all of the above sounds corny. I just REALLY wish I could help you. Honestly though at this point, the only person that can really help you is yourself. Decide if you will allow this tragedy you have experienced define the rest of your life or if you will allow yourself to keep you love and memories and move on from here with your life knowing without a doubt that she would want and expect you to feel again, to love again to be happy again.
Hope this helped even a tiny bit. I wish you happiness.

Answer 4

You've depicted two separate things hurting you. One is the loss of your fiance. The other is reliving the horror of the tragedy itself.

Missing her is a pain you have to work through with time. It will not destroy you. It joins you with all humanity and all mortal beings. We have to endure it and neither resist it nor focus on it. Eventually you will have closure. Not because you love her any less, but because life must go on. In that regard, you are all right.

Replaying the nightmare, on the other hand, does nothing but hurt. If you are not consciously thinking about it, flashbacks will still occur from time to time. That's called Post Stress Syndrome. It's not pleasant, but you can survive it. And as you re-engage more fully with life, it will diminish. If you intentionally recall it, it just gives it more energy to hurt you with.

These great trials ultimately do yield a great treasure: the knowledge of our own strength to survive and help others.

Good luck to you. You have my love.

Answer 5

She will be his fiancee that kicked the bucket, and also you stands proud because the triumphing fiancee. yet in case you get married, you'll of route be his first spouse. human beings talk each and each of the time about "the guy i changed into engaged to" or my ex-fiancee. i'd be anxious that he were given right into a relationship too quickly after her passing, for the reason that he remains grieving. it will be a tough challenge for me because i'd continually ask your self if I he loved her extra or if i'd be compared to her in any way.

Answer 6

Hello I'm so very sorry at your loss,but time is a great healer honestly,you will never forget but the pain does ease with time,if you have stopped going to your councillor i suggest that you go back or try someone new,as this is an awful burden for you to cope with alone,i wish you well,take care my friend

Answer 7

(1) never forget her.
(2) remember all the good times you spent together
(3) she is still with you in the breeze that blows in your hair, still alive in your memory of her and these things will never change.
(4) time does not heal, it will dull the pain, remember it was not your fault and nothing you do can bring her back.
(5) live your life now,for her and the baby that is what they would want from you, be happy and proud that you new and loved her and make her proud of you by meeting and beating the challenges that will face you in the future.
my thoughts and prayers go with you

Answer 8

I am sorry for your loss. I probably cannont put myself in your position because something like this has never happened to me before. But I tell you, as sad as you may be for losing the love of your life just remember, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. They are now in a better place with God, he will take care of them, and remember that someday you will be up there with your family reunited, you have something to look forward to. I know that while it may be easy for me to say all of this, its harder than it sounds. But hey, look at you, you must be succesful in what you do, from what I am assuming, you are in Grad school, probably doing something productive. Don't look at all the things you don't have, think of how it could be WORSE. Think of all the gifts God has granted you. God is a wonderful being and no matter what happens he is always there for you, seek him out, he will help you through all of your worries, while this may not be the way to go, TRUST me, you can find COMFORT in God, along with many other things you probably didn't expect. The man of God is a happy man, no matter what happens. Seek him out he is WAITING FOR YOU. As far as your memories and stuff you are doing good going to counciling. Try to do things you like, while it may seem hard at the moment, distract your mind. Go out, meet new people, don't worry about things, what happened happened, there is nothing you can do about now, don't stress over somthing you have no control over, it might sound in appropriate, but trust me, your fiancee wnated you to be happy and so grant her her wish and do so. I hope this helps and may the Lord be with you.

Answer 9

I am so sorry for your double loss.. It is very brave of you to be pushing on with school as such please don't lose that
When I lost my husband "who died a very painful death "of 18 years I found comfort in sleeping in the bed that we had shared ...You aren't finding it as such ..might I suggest to you that you sleep on the couch for awhile till you can deal with replacing the bed...
Do not think that you are getting rid of her memory by removing the stuff you shared... it will make you feel better to place her most intimate things out of your line of sight till you are better able to handle things ... They would want us to move on .... He is always in my heart even 8 years later

All the Best

Answer 10

My sister died of cancer in May.Her whole family is gone now except for me & our mom & 2sisters & a brother.Her husband died ,then her only son I helped raise died & now she is gone.
This is where you have to have faith.My mom saw her waste away every day & would not let anyone else near.I'm sure she sees that in her mind every night.
Believe that your loved one is in no pain anymore & accept the Lord so you can see her one day again.If it were not for my faith,I would be gone too,from suicide.
God will never leave you or forsake you.Read His word & get to know Him!I am not a Mormon or a Jehovah's Witness,just a christian who knows the truth!