my parents divored about 16 years ago and cant even be in the same rom as each other i have only recently got in touch with my dad. i love him more than anything and dont see him as an a##hole a my mum and some of my family do. i really want to him to be the on my wedding day, but how do i invite him and get my mum to enjoy the day still. i do feel for my mum and all the hurt that she holds. do you think because it is my day i get to make the final decision about this? HELP PLEASE
2006-09-25 18:58:09 · 33 answers · asked by jacstar1986 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Sit your mother and her family down and calmly tell them this is YOUR wedding and to you it is very important to have your father walk you down the aisle.
Tell them the past is the past and for one day you are asking them to act like adults and put differences aside and act civil. State they are free to act hateful the day after your wedding but it will not be tolerated during the day of your affiar at all.
Advise anyone if they feel they cannot set aside thier personal issue with him for one day they can decline to attend now and stick to it.
You may have a few flat out say fine I wont come right away, but give it time and accept there answer calmly and with maturity. As time goes on they will realize how foolish they are acting and come around and ask if you can allow them to attend. Then repeat the terms make sure they accept and aggree.
Many families have these types of issues but the bride and groom have to be firm on the rules for thier day.
Do seat the dad as far from others as possible. Try placing them at the bridal table dad at one end mom at the other after your bridal party seating. This keeps them far apart and away from other guests who could stir up trouble.
Also get two level headed strong guys who may not be close friends but good acquaintances to attend your wedding and act as security of a sorts to break up anything and escort folks outside to cool off. This will take stress off of you and your groom just be sure they are calm guys and not prone to fight themselves ask around you can find people. Offer them free dinner etc and pay each one 100 bucks for services rendered at the end of the night. Good Luck and congrats.
2006-09-25 19:06:51 · answer #1 · answered by Answerkeeper 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sometimes things happen that are horrible and responsible parents don't tell their children so they are not turned against the offending parent.
Think about it. There is, most likely, some reason you don't know about that is so awful that your mother still cannot be in the same room as your father. Respect that and understand that the wedding is not just 'your' day and hurting your mother will overshadow what should be a happy event.
People can do heinous things to each other, some things are truly unforgivable. Ask your mother if there is anything you don't know (and she doesn't have to tell you what) that would cause you not to invite your father. If she says yes, and asks that you don't invite him, then respect her wishes and know that there is a nasty skeleton in the closet. Case closed.
If, however, your mother is just being petty, then tough beans. If she is going to ruin the event with a bad attitude or cause a scene then you may want to forgo inviting your father anyway- it depends solely on her.
You cannot expect to make someone be civil even at a wedding so be honest with both of them and yourself.
Good luck ;)
2006-09-26 01:58:56 · answer #2 · answered by exclusiveindigo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The way I'd handle it is, I'd invite who I want, and if anyone else has a problem with it, they don't have to come.
If your mom decides to miss your wedding, it's on her, not you. You invited her, she can come if she wants.
Just tell them all that, if they don't want to come because someone else you've invited might be there, you'll understand and won't hold a grudge.
You just do the right thing, and let everyone decide for themselves if they want to come or not. "I love you and I want you to be there, but if you can't then I understand. Just come and be ther for me, no one else."
Besides, if he really were a bad guy, this would give her a chance to show off how classy she is. She'd be showing that her relationship with you is more important than how much she hates her ex-husband. After all, would she ever have to see him again?
Listen, I've been through what they're going through and, believe me, she'll live, and so will everyone else. They should all be willing to put their differences aside for you, for this one day. They can still hate each other, you're not taking that away from them, and you're not asking them to pretend they're friends or even acknowledge each other. That's the sacrifice you'll have to make.
If they show up, you won't ask them to be together.
2006-09-26 02:05:40 · answer #3 · answered by barbertono 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, if you want him there he should be invited. Arrange things so he won't be seated anywhere near your mother. Have the receiving line be bride and groom plus both moms, only (everyone else is optional for the RL).
Your mom may still dislike him intensely but I'm sure everyone can behave themselves and get through One Day, being civil.
I don't like it when brides use that "It's MY DAY" phrase to justify anything, though. It's not a pretty habit to get into.
My mother's parents had a nasty divorce so-- my grandfather attended all his kids' weddings, but sat in the back of the church, and left right after the ceremony, didn't go any receptions or act social with anyone-- he was just in, and out. I guess that's another way of dealing with things, or the way they did things back then... I'm not suggesting you use my grandfather's example as a strategy at your wedding, it's just something I thought of, regarding how others have dealt with that sort of situation.
2006-09-25 20:26:35 · answer #4 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you want your father there you have him there. If the "adults" can't get along for your special day then they should'nt be there. My one piece of advice though, make sure theres other people there for dad to socialize with. Nothings worse than being at a wedding with your ex wifes family. It is not a free for all or a chance for them to gang up on your dad, I would also make a point to anyone you thing might have something to say beforehand, if anyone has a problem with your Dad attending that they are not welcome at your wedding. You'd be surprised how fast petty differences can be put aside and people can become pleasant.
2006-09-26 02:44:30 · answer #5 · answered by skylark455st2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As this is your wedding day, you should have the final say on who can attend.
Before inviting your dad, speak to your mum and tell her your feelings on the situation. If all else fails you could elope and not have any family there, just have your two best friends as witness.
This way the family can fight amongst themselves and you don't have to worry about it.
Good Luck
2006-09-25 19:05:43 · answer #6 · answered by Kym 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is your wedding, your special day and if family can't put aside their differences a few hours to help make you happy then they have serious issues. Talk to your Mom and tell her that you would like for her AND your dad to get to see you get married.Tell your family it would be a great wedding gift to you.Things should be okay.Good luck and no matter the outcome enjoy the day and make beautiful memories.Remember that the marriage is the most important thing, not the wedding ceremony.
2006-09-25 19:19:06 · answer #7 · answered by unforgettable_1 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes it's your decision you should have the finale say. Just talk to your mom tell her that you now she doesn't like him but you don't feel the same way you love him. I would have her walk you down the aisle just to let her know that you understand that she raised you and you love her for that. That will make her day. Don't sit them by each other either.
2006-09-26 06:13:26 · answer #8 · answered by Shonreaq G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your day. If people are gonna argue that he is there then tey should grow up. It's an all about you day. You have to be happy. If you want him there invite him. you can always have them sit at different tables. Or talk to your mom in advance and tell her how you feel and how you fell about having him there. Good Luck
2006-09-26 05:20:50 · answer #9 · answered by eclipse_girl18 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU do get to make the final decision. Invite him and if others don't want to come and share your joy, then they don't have to. Let them stay home. Your Mom and Dad needn't speak with one another at the wedding, or even acknowledge one another. This is a wedding, not a place for a war to begin. Hopefully, everyone can grow up and handle that, but if not, then as I said, let the others stay at home and sulk.
2006-09-25 19:05:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋