im getting married in 7 months, and my mother in law is the average mother in law--a woman hitler. i was just about to get into the shower and she called and said she was coming over. it was like 10 o clock! what is up with that! so she came and said she wanted to talk to me about the wedding and how i was going to make the decorations, and the invitations and all that. but all she really wanted to do was try and talk me out of it. MY GOD SHE NEEDS TO DIE. are there ANY suggestions that you guys can give me to make her SHUT UP!!?
2006-09-25 17:57:50 · 20 answers · asked by Peyton 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Kill her............with kindness. Dont let her see that she gets to you. Unless she is making a huge investment into your wedding just politely tell her that you and your mother have decided that you like this design best and feel it appropriate. Also dont let her walk all over you. If you bow down to her now you will do it always. Look at it this way AT LEAST she called and that gave you the chance to tell her NO Its too late and I am getting in the shower and going to bed but if you would like to chat I am free tomorrow at whenever. The point is you NEED to take control of situations like that. use extreme tact and make her respect you as an adult. She may not have any daughters so she never got to help plan a wedding and instead wants to control yours. Just tell her that you love her and you respect her immensly but when it comes to your wedding and your house you would appreciate being respected as an adult. Polite but firm. Good luck!
2006-09-25 18:09:09 · answer #1 · answered by Sarah J 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
It is up to you and your fiance to set the boundaries here and now, if you don't then you will only have yourselves to blame. Your Mother in law to be might just be trying to help in hoe own way and isnt' aware of the anxiety it's causing you. Sit down with her (and your fiance too) and explain to her the things that matter to you and your partner and that if you need help that she will have to wait til she's asked. You say she came over at 10 o'clock, Im asuming that you ment 10pm at night, if so, you should have told her that it's not an appropriate time for guests and that you will get back to her when it's convenient to you. Your not 100% self explaining when you say she's trying to talk you out of "it". What is "it:, is she trying to put a doubt in your mind about marrying her son, about the colour scheme of the invites and decorations.....?????? At the end of the day, you have to set the boundaries and if it's done with a "good heart" then things should be fine but do bare this in mind, some people will get very upset regardless of how nice you tell them to back off and wait to be asked. Hope things work out for you and good luck on the organising of your big day. Remind her that's it's your Big Day, not her's.
2006-09-26 01:24:56 · answer #2 · answered by Linda 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you ask your mother-in-law to be, if she would like to help you with the decorations and invitations. This will make her feel that you are accepting her and that she is not loosing her son. Try and make her feel special for a little while and you should be able to get on with the things that you need to do.
Mother-in-laws are usually always like this as they think that you are taking their baby away from them, so involve her with the plans.
Good Luck to you
2006-09-26 02:12:03 · answer #3 · answered by Kym 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I never used to get on with my mother in law but now we are the best of friends and she swears she couldn't live without me. I just shown her that no matter what she did she wouldn't affect my relationship with her son and that he was happy with me.
Sh eventually confessed that she didn't know how to handle another woman in the house and felt a little bit threatened. Now we go to college together. I would try talking to her if that doesn't work then ignore what she does she'll soon get the hint. Good luck.
2006-09-26 15:57:59 · answer #4 · answered by slinky_nicz 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take it from me, they never shut up. Just let them talk, whatever. Ignore them. Try and work your best with them, but hardly anyone likes their mother-in-law, I mean REALLY. But honey, that is nothing from what I have been through. Talk about Hitler. Good luck with your monster. There is nothing you can do to get away from them unless you kill them or something, which I do not recommend doing at ALL.
2006-09-26 01:07:08 · answer #5 · answered by Norah 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe in a sensitive way, just let her know that you understand that she only "wants the best" and that although you respect her advice (and maybe you could just say, "Thanks, I'll keep that in mind"), you and your fiancee will be making the decisions together. Don't be afraid to set boundaries and let her know where you draw the line (ie. You're ready to go in the shower... she can wait til you're out and ready). It may take some compromising with your relationship with your mother-in-law, kind of like your relationship with your future husband.
2006-09-26 12:20:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Boundaries need to be set...I agree with the other gals no one ever really likes their mother in law but we do need to have relationships for our husbands. You can tell he that you expect her to visit at certain times i.e. before 10 pm....Other than that I suggest once you get married move a little further away! You're stuck with her for life so try to keep her at arm's length.
2006-09-26 01:31:52 · answer #7 · answered by marjorieh 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. It was the some at my wedding. Till I set my feet down. I told her excacly what I feld and that it is me and her sons day on we will do what we want on or wedding. So you just do this also and you will see it wel go a way. Good like with the wedding.
2006-09-26 08:48:25 · answer #8 · answered by Lizel M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ummm... hate to burst your bubble but you'll never be able to get her to shut up. You might try having your fiance run interference for you a bit. Maybe have him talk to her about all of her concerns. And if you feel comfortable enough, tell her that you appreciate her interest in the planning but that you've got it under control. If not, give her something inane to do to occupy her time. Or just don't answer your phone! (Caller ID is a God-send!)
2006-09-26 01:09:23 · answer #9 · answered by Kristin B 1 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Well, for starters, start standing up for yourself. If she says she is coming over at 10pm, tell her that you are going to have to take a rain check because you are going to bed, getting in the shower, etc. She doesn't have the right to pop in whenever she wants to. You can respect her without letting her walk all over you.
Furthermore, about her trying to talk you out of the wedding - you should have stopped her right there and told her if she couldn't handle it then please leave. You should also inform your fiance about what his mother is up to.
2006-09-26 01:06:53 · answer #10 · answered by Rawrrrr 6 · 5⤊ 1⤋