We are moving to a new state and my friend has offered to come up and help me unpack and set up the new place. The problem is, were living in a small apartment in a big city and have no children, and if she brings her young daughter it would just be too much to accommodate while I am trying to settle in. Plus, it will be our first weekend there, and my husband and I wanted to check out some restaurants and museums, and we would like to do all that with my friend.
My fear is she is not planning to bring her yet, but at the last minute her husband will bale out on her and she will say "Looks like I have to bring (*daughter*)..." (historical)
Is there a polite way to make sure it is just her, or is it just rude to not want her kid there while I am trying to get settled?
2006-09-25 16:18:39 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
tell her you're limited on space & to leave the kid at home
2006-09-25 16:20:37 · answer #1 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
How long is your friend planning to stay? If it's just the weekend, you've got a lot planned if you mean to unpack, set up house, plus check out restaurants and museums.
You mention that her husband has baled out before and told her she has to take her daughter with her. So it doesn't really make much difference what you say to her. If she's coming, you can probably figure on the daughter coming as well as that seems to be the pattern.
Why not postpone the visit until you are settled in and have a chance to get yourself located in the new city. This weekend, just you and your hubby should be able to unpack and make a good start on getting things set up. Then you can visit a couple of restaurants, or find the nearest take-out and go home and collapse. But perhaps you could save the museums and other stuff to do with your friend when she (and her daughter) come to visit in a month or so?
2006-09-25 23:26:30 · answer #2 · answered by old lady 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your friend is reliable about calling beforehand if she has to watch her daughter, handle it like this:
Continue with plans as though your friend will be coming alone. If she calls and says that she has to watch her daughter, but would be willing to bring her along, just let her know that you have a busy weekend planned, and you simply don't think her daughter would have anything fun to do and you wouldn't want to burden the two of them that way. Then let your friend know that you'll plan a more family-friendly outing when you get settled in, but aren't ready to accomodate youngsters yet as you're just moving. I'm certain that your friend will understand, and while you may get a little less help while moving, there'll be a little less hassle than there would be if her young daughter was along.
2006-09-26 11:04:38 · answer #3 · answered by JenV 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Say this:
"Oh I don't think *daughter* would have much fun at all!
my husband and I were going to check out some of the museums and restaurants with you and I would just hate to drag her around like that!"
And then take her Que she might say something like "oh *daughter* loves that stuff she'll be fine" then you'll just have to go with it. Or she might take the hint and say "Yes I guess you're right I'll have to reschedule and see you some other time" Then you have to decide on which you would prefer your friend and her child or no one at all and give her the right reply i.e. "Well we can work something out...." or I'm sorry maybe I can visit you sometime. Make sure that you buy her a gift to make up for it if she stays home.
2006-09-25 23:33:07 · answer #4 · answered by Victoria W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you and your hubby should have the first weekend in your new home to yourselves - it is a bit special. If you have a problem with your friends daughter being around then maybe you should arrange to do things with her that are of the adults only type - bars, older age movies, shows. Remember to go her way sometimes too. Some people think you can just put kids on babysitters any time you like but that is often not possible and can be expensive.
2006-09-26 00:43:22 · answer #5 · answered by auntynoall 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My best friend has a husband that bales out at the last minute... My suggestion is that you tell her she is invited only and not the daughter - and if she can't make arrangements to have her daughter watched - then just let it go. Settle in with you husband - and don't worry about her. We have this history too - and I just tell her have your mom watch her or her own father - but if you can't arrange it then forget it. Sometimes having the kid around just isn't feasible... Especially if she's a kid that doesn't listen or behave well.... It's too much of a hassle.
2006-09-25 23:25:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Absolutely. Mothers are a strange lot when it comes to their children. They seem to want to include them in everything they do - and often forget about "all-adult" activities.
If saying what you said here seems a bit awkward for you to say to your friend, offer to go in half on a babysitter for her daughter so the three of you can have an all-adult day. When worded that way, I am willing to bet she will ensure her husband is leashed to the child so she can have a day out with her friends, like before the anchor was born.
2006-09-25 23:28:57 · answer #7 · answered by north79004487 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you would appreciate the help and that you and your husband are anxious to show her around your new state. Tell her that it will nice for her too, to have an adult only vacation. Let her know that you can't wait until you can have her daughter and husband there too (when you get settled in).
2006-09-26 05:10:07 · answer #8 · answered by Patti C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's rude at all, that sounds like a perfectly reasonable explanation to me.
For instance:
I always get so irritated when my friend John brings his little girl Alyssa with him to BINGO. She can get really loud and, because she's 4 she can't sit still for that long and gets bored with nothing to do so she makes up things to do. But that means that our table usually gets yelled at by other tenants if we don't keep her quiet enough, and because John is too busy doing the job of selling bingo tickets it's too hard for him to go around the place and be with us at the same time. We've suffered so far through it, but it's a big pain. So I can see where you're coming from :)
2006-09-25 23:22:28 · answer #9 · answered by winds_of_justice 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would just tell I would like some time just she, my friend, and I. Surely she would understand if you say it that way. Tell her no excuses, be sure get someone to keep____; and that we have things we want to do together because we are not settle in yet it; Its the first weekend here.It will be hard with a child and if she brought____; there wouldn't be anything to keep her occupied. It would be a bummer! Remind her there is no children there.
2006-09-25 23:26:56 · answer #10 · answered by Busy Lady 2010 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'd say it depends on how well behaved the kid is. Your friend DID offer to help from what you say, and if that means bringing the kid, I'd say let her. Museums and restaurants will be there in the future.
2006-09-25 23:31:58 · answer #11 · answered by IAskUAnswer 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋