"If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with."
While theoretically this may hold true, to a certain extent, my personal experiences have led me astray from this belief. I am curious if any of you have had a situation like this and did it "feel" right to you? Is it fair for BOTH parties involved or is it that on settles on the other since they are unable to get what they want? Is this moral to engage in or simply a matter of convenience/timing?
2006-09-25 16:11:06 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I cannot be with the one I love and I do not want to love the one I am with.
Why? Such deep, strong feelings as love cannot be transferred at one's whims and fancy from one individual to another. It is not as simple as buying clothes, where if the one we fancied and would give an arm and a leg to get was already taken, we would settle for another. Love is so much more complicated than that.
What is right, fair or morally correct in settling for someone who happens to be there just so that I would not appear alone? Isn't that the same as using this person? I know I will not be able to give my all because some part of me will still be with the other man. I cannot in good conscience live a lie, pretending to be happy with this convenient 'substitute' as this will eventually cause pain for both parties.
Some of us love deeply and passionately, and hurt just as deeply. What we need is time, time to heal properly and to get ourselves ready to accept another love. In the meantime, surround ourselves with friends and family, people who love us. It is not written in stone that we have to be with a partner to make us feel loved.
2006-09-25 17:46:56 · answer #1 · answered by reformed_witch 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I believe to some extent this is true for everyone except the chosen few.
I believe we are love compatible with a large number of people. I fell in love with someone who worked with me and she is now my wife. Could it be that I was so lucky that I found my true love on my door step so to speak?
Having said this, we all wished we dated a really hot chick or celebrity when we were single. So in a sense, we have settled for someone else, not necessarily the sexiest person on the planet. Also, many of us were in a relationship where the other party broke up with us for some reason or another, and therefore the partner we are with now is not our first choice.
As long as there is chemistry and a good dose of compatibility, we can direct our nurture towards a person and learn to love them. This is the way its done in my opinion.
2006-09-25 23:24:14 · answer #2 · answered by jimbomediterraneo 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Nahhhhhhhh...If I can't be with the one I love (because we broke up..)...then...I can't really "love" someone else to make myself feel better...
But I think that line from that song was always referencing ..infidelity...not so much replacing a lost love.
I'm not down with cheating on the one you love...but I can see being with someone else simply to not be alone...as long as it's made known and agreed upon by the other party (who very often is looking for the same)...might be shallow...but I don't think there is anything shallow about two people keeping one another company (one way or the other) while they are mending their hearts...Not settling..since it's a different thing...just....comforting or biding time..or a good ol' one night stand..lol
I tend to retreat when hurting or apart from the one I love and somebody else would not be appealing to me...but that's me, and I've never judged others for seeing the comfort of others...to each their own.
2006-09-25 23:20:45 · answer #3 · answered by svmainus 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes, it is fair because in a good relationship intuition plays a huge part. Do not underestimate your partner's ability and common sense. I'm living with a man whom I was madly in love with but the feeling towards him has change and I now love him but I'm not in love with him.
2006-09-25 23:18:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Love is a commitment to another person, and not just because it's "comvenient". When you tell someone you love them, you are basically making a promise to that persom that you are willing to give that person your mind, body, and soul. You are willing to commit yourself COMPLETELY to them. It show very little character to live by the addage you refer to. If thatscthecway you live, you are DEFINITELY not ready to even use the word love, let alone attempt to be in a relationship.
2006-09-25 23:24:13 · answer #5 · answered by Taz 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i dont want to agree with this statement, if i cant be with the one i love then nevermind, i have friends,i have a society, neighbours to help, ideas to share, a book to write a life to live, i dont want to love someone whom is just there for me, because i will only be with someone who makes me happy completely without reservation, i dont want to be unfair, i dont want to use others just so i could say i am not alone, i would rather be alone than unfair to others and myself
2006-09-25 23:19:27 · answer #6 · answered by haringmarumo 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
When you love someone, you don't settle for anyone else, no matter how convenient it is.
2006-09-25 23:16:26 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I understand your question Reap. This is temptation that you speak of, as some point in our lives it finds us, whether its right or wrong its what our heart will believe to be true to onesself or to another.
2006-09-26 11:31:49 · answer #8 · answered by ﺸÐïåMóñdÐôññåﺸ 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No because if I can't be with the one that i love then i won't be with any one so no
2006-09-25 23:13:52 · answer #9 · answered by tpchick22 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
this is wrong you can make yourslef love someone else but are you really going to be happy, if you know that he really doesnt have the keys to your heart?
2006-09-25 23:14:28 · answer #10 · answered by labonitameli 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋