Now or later?

Question

My daughter is going to be 4 in January...I really want to give her someone to play with...and for us to have a baby...Should we wait now til shes older to help....so she wont be so jealous....Or try now...so they can kinda still grow up together...whats the pros of waiting til there older or having them kinda close together?? thanks for your answers!! Muah!!

Id love to adopt children but my hubby would proably say no lol id love to have a bunch of kids even if they werent mine i just like children...lol

Answer 1

well she may be some what jealous reguardless of what age she is.. thats just normal.. but if i were you i wouldn't wait any longer... you want them to have a good change at being good friends and get along great.. kids closer in age are more likely to do that.. giving her a brother/sister would be one of the BEST things you can do for her!!
I have a sister thats a year younger and we are very close.. so i chose to do the some for my kids.. they are 18 months apart.. and while there have been bumps in the road, they will always have each other.. and they get to play together... its really cute!

Answer 2

Studies show that an only child has no more problems than if has a sibling. Any child you have now will not be a companion to your four year old because of the distance between ages. At same time, they won't be fighting, etc. because the four year old will take a big sister role - and totally igore the little one when she hits about 13 years old. Oh, and she will ignore you too unless you build a confiding relationship - not be a pal, but a mother who follows up on her word and who is fair and explains simply what can and cannot be done in the family (i.e. rules of conduct)
Adoption is a wonderful thing to do and can add a dimension to your life that another "blood" child can't. Men are always resistent until they go to an adoption party and they see the kids and they latch onto one of the cuties. Don't go for a newborn, try for an older, 3, 4, 5, etc. You get a known child w/ personality and you get a sense that they belong in your family. Drag hubby to an adoption party someday. He will be the first to get tears in his eyes.

Answer 3

I have 4 children, the oldest and the second child are 3 years apart. I then remarried and had 2 more children. 2nd and 3rd are 5 years apart and so are my 3rd and 4th.
The only 2 that get along well are my 2 oldest. The 2nd and 3rd children really don't get each other, and the youngest and his sister don't get along.
The issue with jealousy is individual. Also depends (in my experience) on each child.
The best way to approach the new baby is get pregnant, then let her in on it. My mother in law took my son to lunch while I was having his sister, and I bought him a cabbage patch. When his sister was born and he returned to the hospital, he had a new baby sister and a baby of his own. Also, ask her opinion on things, if they arent what you were looking for, you can manipulate her to give you the answer you want and then tell her what a great idea that was. Oh and dont even get offended by the manipulation thing, we have to do it to keep our sanity sometimes.
Set up a support group, so that when you come home you have someone there to help with the baby so that your daughter doesnt feel like you abandoned her for the new child. Set up time just for her and keep it! I snuggled with mine. Also, a new baby means presents for the new child. Start picking up things for your daughter, little things. Also ask any grandparents to pick up something for your daughter. Chances are they will do it on there own, but don't take the chance. And then there is daddy...he needs to do the same with making time for your oldest. If you keep her a part of what is happening, she wont feel left out or forgotten. And she will love having a little someone to love.

Answer 4

Hi! I have been there and done that. I have a 15 year old and a 6 year old. I did not plan it like that . I think iat was easier ( the age difference) when they were younger. The teenager is not so happy with the 6 year old now. He was helpful when he was younger now there is resentment. They still love each other but they were both kinda only children. My hubsand came from 8 kids he is42 he oldest brother is in his late 70's. not much of a relationship there when my hubsand was a child. He and several other brother and sisters were already married I think in a way its god . You do not have to rush from school party to school party. My older son was past all that the younger does not have to share my time so i get to stay the whole time for his parties. Hope this helps.

Answer 5

More than likely there will be some type of jealousy no matter what, my son's are 7 years apart, and some pros are he's great with him, he's loves helping with him, he loves being there seeing him learn new thing...When I was pregnant with my 2 year old, I took my oldest with me to a couple of Dr's appointment, he was there when we found out he was a boy, I also took him to a sibling class which was really kool, it made the older childern think of the baby as their baby too, not just a new baby. It was great.
On the cons there is sometimes there will be jealousy, or the baby gets more attention, you love him more, all kinds of things. But you work out things as you go. My baby is my son's world.
So to wait or have one now? what's it matter if she is 4 you wouldn't have the baby till she's around 5 so it's what's good for you and your situation, noone can really answer that but you and your husband.. Good Luck

Answer 6

I'd say that now is a good gap between siblings. It seems that if they are too close in age, they tend to fight and not get along, but if you wait too long, they don't have so much of a sibling relationship, but more of a Mother/father figure and child figure.
I think your daughter would love to have a "playmate"

Also, when you do have another child, if your daughter does start to get jealous, there is one thing you can do. When I was 4 years old, my brother was born. And I know that being a brat when I was younger, I was major jealous. But one thing my grandma would tell me, was that my brother was my baby, and that i had to take care of him and make sure he was always happy. And that always seemed to work =)

Good luck and many wishes to your growing family! I know that whatever you decide will turn out wonderfully!

Answer 7

Mine are very close in age and they play together real well (most of the time). When they were small, some days I would wonder how I was going to make it without going crazy! I still have those days, but a lot less now, and I'm so glad they have each other. Also, me and my sisters are 3 years and 5 years apart. They are my best friends. I think the jealousy will also depend on how you handle it.

Answer 8

if you got pregnant now, the baby would be born when she was almost 5, which is late enough to prevent sibling rivalry / jealousy. My kids were 6 1/2 years apart and while there was absolutely no sibling rivalry, some things about the age gap were very difficult. For example, I had to drag the little one to all the older one's activities. many were not set up for babies and she was hard to manage, or would get very tired and cranky if the activity ran into naptime. Alternately, I could cut up the older one's schedule to allow for her naps, and he would have to sit home bored a lot. He was a great age to travel and have lots of other experiences we just had to pass on, because they would have been too difficult for the little one. Plus, it is kind of hard to start over again when all your friends just sent their kids off to school and are doing coffee and lunch dates...I had to meet a whole new mommy crowd with younger children. I vote you have waited long enough and should have another soon.

Answer 9

My sister and I were born two years apart. My mom said that in order to curb the jealousy she would explain to what a big influence I would be on my younger sister. My mom would also emphasize how much she and my new baby sister loved me. Another thing that helped would be keeping me involved. Although there were lots of fights growing up I have a very close relationship with her. My relationship with the youngest who is five years younger is definately not as close but I love her the same. The closer in age the more they can relate.

Answer 10

4 years is already some distance in age, for children to be more like play mates 2 years is the normal distance. For many years they will not be able to share toys or activities, Also, any child can help at any age, just some can do more because of age and activities. I think the idea of a baby should be a choice between you and your husband to talk over also.