I was happy as a **** in a dick tree when I heard the news. Her fiancee is shipping off to Iraq and wont be back till 08. I gave her all the proper fatherly advise and told her I was proud of her. Then I found out that her step dad is going to give her away, and he gets to have the father/daughter dance with her. I was crushed beyond repair. How can I go to the wedding knowing Im just a bystander. How can I watch some other guy give my baby away? Should I even go? Please no buttheads on the responses, Ive had a bad enough day.
2006-09-25 15:38:47 · 20 answers · asked by happycheeks1963 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You should defintly go. This is, as you said, your baby. It shouldn't matter who gives heraway. What matters should be her happiness and the fact you are there to witness it and the fact that you will eventually be bouncing babies on your knee and they will be calling you grandpa. my parents would LOVE to be in your shoes! You should be proud of your daughter and future son-in-law. I know it sounds callus but it shouldnt' matter that you don't give her away and you will look like the bigger man for sitting there quietly and she will appreciate it when you just give her a hug and say "'m proud of you honey" and she may be a little nervous of your reaction to the news of her stepfather giving her away. Is there a way you can compromise? one gets the dance and the other gets to give her away? Don't worry about the other people there. This is her day. Her day with her new husband. You can ask but ultimately, it's her descision. what I Would say would be something like, "Honey, I'm so glad you found the man of your dreams, and I'm glad you mother found hers too. I know he's walking you down the Asile, but can I just have at least one or the other? The aisle or the dance?" She may not realize she left you out or that you wanted one. It may also depend on howmuch contact you've had over the years or how close she feels to you. If her mother and stepfather raised her, That may be why she chose him. I can't really speculate. you're the only one who can answer that. You have to anwer that question yourself. But you have to be willing to accept her descision. And remember, she loved you enough to invite you. You'll be sittiing in the family section. So no, you won't be a bystander. sit proud. You're the father of the bride. that's something the stepfather just can't compete with. He's just the guy who married her mother and is just walking and dancing with her. You're her dad!
2006-09-25 16:20:50 · answer #1 · answered by leeanndemon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm Maid of Honor for a young lady in the same situation. Her situation is that her step-dad is giving $5,000 for the wedding (not counting her dress or the catering). Her bio dad won't pay for anything (not that he can't, he just won't). Her solution was to have bio dad walk her to the end of the aisle and pass off to step dad at the end. Bio dad threw a fit and won't even come to the wedding. She is crushed beyond belief.
You should go and not be a butthead. This is probably your last chance to make a positive impression on her and begin a new era of the relationship. Tell her that you'd really like to be involved and that you'll mind your manners. Ask about splitting the walk and having two dances or you start the father/daughter dance and have him cut in (and let him). She'll probably be elated that you WANT to be part of all this. And please, WHEN you go, be absolutely nothing short of caring, thoughtful and sweet - even if it goes against every instinct you have. Give yourselves a fresh start and you'll be soooooo happy in the long run.
2006-09-26 07:33:27 · answer #2 · answered by Kristi C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is your daughters day. She must feel very close to her step dad to be having him give her away and the first dance. Evidently she wants you there or she wouldn't of invited you. Go and have a good time but don't ruin her day for her. A father isn't always the one who gave sperm for you, it's the one who raised you. By the way, are you maybe jealous that she feels closer to her step dad than to you? Who is paying for the wedding?
2006-09-26 03:20:15 · answer #3 · answered by BONNI 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not trying to be mean but if you were a good father I'm sure since your her blood you would be giving her away. It's obvious that she has a stronger connection with him. I know it hurts but that's what happen when you divorce or have a child out of wedlock you run the risk of some other man being a better father than you or just seeming like a better father than you. I know it hurts but I'm sure she did a lot of thinking before she made this decision.
2006-09-26 00:36:07 · answer #4 · answered by Shonreaq G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm... there has to be some reason why she chose him over you, but if it really bothers you talk to her about it. Maybe there's something that can be worked out (provided that SHE wants it) so you both can be involved in giving her away (maybe halfway down the aisle for each of you? - I haven't been to many weddings - maybe that won't work, but it's a thought) and you can each have a father/daughter dance.
2006-09-25 23:08:33 · answer #5 · answered by IAskUAnswer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would honestly talk to my daughter about this situation if it bothers you so much. Find out why without being rude or defensive. Just ask her right out... "hun is there a reason I dont get to walk you down the aisle... or perhaps ask if there can be two daughter father dances..." there has to be a reason... is there some long standing tiff between the two of you that perhaps she is bitter about. I would ask and find out before worrying too much or being too sad. The wedding isnt until 08 and you have alot of time to figure this out with her.
2006-09-25 22:47:12 · answer #6 · answered by Sarah 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
WOW. Thats a tough one. Regardless, you should go to her wedding. I understand it may be hard, but you just have to go to the wedding and be a good Dad.
We need more info.
Can't both of you walk her down the aisle? Does anyone have to walk her down the aisle at all? Cant she have a short dance with each of you?
What does she want? Have you talked about what she wants and why?? Is her mother helping her with the wedding/details?
2006-09-25 23:22:17 · answer #7 · answered by SallyC 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to hear this. It's very sad for you. Regardless you still love her right?? It sounds like maybe she feels closer to him... maybe because of things that happened in the past. Well the past is exactly that, the past. It's too late to change it now. She will always be your baby girl. You should be there for her even if you are disappointed by her decision. You know you will regret it if you don't go. It will be very hard for you but you should do it for her. She will be forever greatful.
Good Luck!
2006-09-26 10:41:49 · answer #8 · answered by kristina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd be pissed too, but you'll regret it if you don't go to your daughters wedding. Maybe she can have two dances or have you both give her away. Tell her that you want to be a part of her big day and how proud you are of your little girl.
2006-09-25 23:29:13 · answer #9 · answered by bluechick 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
all you can do is support her decision she has her reasons the heartache that is parenthood. Its unfortunate but she obviously feels closer to step-dad than you perhaps make a really thoughtful and heartfelt speech at the reception to show your support and then you can feel more involved or generally ask if you can be more involved and that you respect her decision but would like to be a part of her special day somehow.
2006-09-26 14:39:11 · answer #10 · answered by So Happy!! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋