Me and my boyfriend are going out to eat for his birthday at a moderately priced restaurant (roughly 60 dollars for 2 people). We want his family members to join us, about 12 or so people, but were students and obviously cannot afford to pay for them as well. Do we put in their invitations that theyre expected to pay? That seems...bad.....If so, how would we word this? If not, whats the alternative?
2006-09-25 15:18:35 · 13 answers · asked by bumbleleigh 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Why would we celebrate alone when he wants his family involved? And I don't assume people are going to pay just because they invite me, Its like when you invite friends to eat lunch with you.....no one expects you to pay for their food in that case. But even though I assume that it would just be awkward if someone else assumed otherwise the night of.
2006-09-25 15:26:41 · update #1
Haha, so maybe I should word this another way. Its not so much a party as "Were going to eat on this day at this time, at this place, and the door coincidently will be unlocked"
2006-09-25 15:32:31 · update #2
Oh, and this is another weird question. It's his 21st birthday, but me and him don't drink. However, his family does....all the time. My mom, however, is an alcoholic in denial that ruins every occasion where there is alcohol involved. Would it be awkward to say No alcohol on the invitations? Or possibly "if you have to bring alcohol, limit it to just enough for yourself?"
2006-09-25 15:48:44 · update #3
A great way to introduce this is to mention it to the other invitees as it is almost a surprise party and ask if they would be willing to split the bill. Usually, family members will offer to pay for the bill, especially since it is his birthday and he should not be the one paying (nor should you). I suggest just ask if everyone wants to pay their own way.
ex. "You are cordially invited to ________'s birthday party.
IT will be held ______ aat ________
Pay your own way (or) At Own Expense
2006-09-25 15:23:44 · answer #1 · answered by John C 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
This might actually be an implied situation, but a lot depends on the family.
For example, my husband and I were invited over the weekend to a friend's birthday party along with several other friends and aquaintances. We went with the expectation that we were paying for our own meal, and before the meal I told my husband that if no one else was offering to pay for our friend's meal that we should. So when we saw our friend going up to pay I jokingly pushed him out of the way and told him, we have this covered. We found that he was paying for another friend's meal, but we were fairly close with the other friend, and paid for all four meals.
But if others are expected to pay, I believe it should be a more casual invitation (by phone, perhaps, rather than a formal invitation). I believe when you send out a formal invitation, there's more of an expectation that the host will pay the expenses.
2006-09-26 11:24:15 · answer #2 · answered by JenV 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are students, and you are inviting family, I think it would be implied that they are on thier own. Maybe you could phrase it like "We are celebrating
They should expect it to separate checks. In fact, if it is within the family's means, someone will probably offer to pay for his dinner!
Good luck!
2006-09-25 22:26:14 · answer #3 · answered by SnowGirl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Proper ettiquette is you don't ask folks to pay for something at a celebration they were invited to. If you are going to expect others to pay then you need to call each person and say "Me and so-and-so are planning on celebrating his birthday at x restaurant at x time, money is tight so we can only afford ourselves but we did want to mention the outing to some of his family so that if you were up to it you are welcome to come join us."
Sending out a card says you are paying, a call says it's informal and saying "if you are up to it" says 'if you can afford it'.
Mention that you'd perfer that alcohol stay at a minimum, such as one drink per person so that everyone can keep their heads about them and remember the night for a long time to come.
2006-09-25 23:25:03 · answer #4 · answered by PrincessB 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Would it be easier to just call everyone to invite them? I've had problems like that before, when my husband and I would want to go out and celebrate, but didn't have the money to treat the people we wanted to come with us. It was easier to explain in person/over the phone about the money situation, rather than trying to generalize it in an invitation. Everyone was very understanding and was just happy to be invited.
2006-09-25 22:34:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Have the dinner for two that you can afford; then arrange for a "party" with cake and all the people you love. Since alcohol appears to be an issue, specify "non alcoholic celebration".
Trust me, the folks that drink will get their buzz on before they get there. the operative word here is COMPROMISE !
2006-09-25 22:59:54 · answer #6 · answered by Lola 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Would it be possible for you to pay the bill for coffee and cake for his family? If so, Call each one and say that "M____& I are going to ___ restaurant to have a romantic dinner for his 21st birthday. However, to make our evening complete, we're inviting you as our guest at ______(enter time) for dessert and coffee or tea. Your presence will really make M______'s birthday a Happy one. ------ You can have the restaurant present a nice Birthday cake and the waitresses or waiters will sing "Happy Birthday" and everyone will have a smile on his or her face. You could even bring some blown up balloons and tie them to the "Birthday fella's chair. Sounds good to me, and would only be a fraction of the cost of a whole meal. And, who knows, maybe some good-hearted relative will say "Waiter, I'LL take the check please . Of course, you should pay for your own dinner before your guests arrive for dessert.
2006-09-26 00:09:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well, obviously if you are inviting them to attend the dinner in a fancy restaurant it means that you will be paying. Why don't you and your boyfriend celebrate alone?
2006-09-25 22:24:03 · answer #8 · answered by Art The Wise 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I've never had to deal with that, as birthdays weren't celebrated in my family, and in my husband's family they all either got together at home or they didn't say anything about it at all. I do know that Art's either right or I am remember my Dear Abby wrong.
If you throw a party and invite people to it, you're supposed to take care of the expenses yourself.
2006-09-25 22:28:13 · answer #9 · answered by *babydoll* 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
The alternative is to have people over to your place for snacks and cake. Don't invite people out and then don't pay for them. Do what is in your means.
2006-09-26 07:24:20 · answer #10 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋