I Hate when my dad talkes about my mom in front of me.How can i tell him that it hurts me with out Hurting him

Question

He always talk about my mom with my stupid step-monster in front of me. I hate when my step-monster does it bcuz she doesnt know my mom.

Answer 1

I had this problem with my dad , he's only doing it to show off to your step mom. Just let him know that you don't like when he talks about your mom and you would appreciate it if he didn't. tell him its uncomfrtable for you .and if he doesn't stop , stop going out with him for a while , he'll get the picture.

Answer 2

You can just tell him straight out that you don't think he's being fair to your mom. I recommend you do it when your stepmonster isn't around and when you're not upset. It would ruin the moment if you start crying or losing your composure. He won't take you seriously unless you tell him calmly and coldly how you feel about it. If he ever does it again, just interrupt him and say that he has no right to say the things he's saying.

Just make sure to stay calm and composed and don't let him get a bad word about your mother in. Every time he tries to say something about her, interrupt him.

The stuff I'm suggesting may sound strange and harsh, but you should do it. People have a strange way of making themselves feel better about things by insulting and hurting others. Whenever that happens, I end up really hating the person that's being such a prick. So tell him that he has to stop it if he wishes to keep at least some of your respect.

Good luck. I hope your dad understands how important it is that he stops doing it, for his sake as well as for the sake of your happiness. Hopefully that will make his current wife stop it too.

Answer 3

You have gotten some really good answers here. when they start talking about your mom in a bad way just tell them to stop it that you love her.
They are grown up and they should know better than to talk about the other partner in a bad way..
Your mother isn't there to defend herself. so they shouldn't be saying anything at all.
alot of grown ups use there kids as pawns and that isn't good for the kids to hear the bad stuff.
Tell him and her how bad it hurts you when they are talking about there and to wait til you are out of the room if they have to be so petty..
just keep on loving your mom.. she will always be there somewhere for you and she loves you very much too.
I am sure you dad loves you and if he knew how bad it hurt you that he was doing this that he would stop. so just tell him.. and don't do it when she isn't around either. say it in front of both of them dad and the step mom or monster as you call her..
you just have to tell them that is all there is to it..

Answer 4

Leave the room. Your mother has hurt your father deeply and he is acting out like a child. Pity your poor step bro/sis for having to hear a bunch of stuff about someone he/she does not have a connection with. Learn from this and never divorce.

Answer 5

You say, "Dad, I love you but I love mom too and when you talk bad about her it hurts my feelings." If your dad is like me, his kids are his treasures and will thank you for doing this. Be brave, he needs you to do this and if you have the nerve, in front of the stepmom. I have 6 kids and was divorced a year ago. I told my ex today that we are a team working on the same goal, our kid's happiness. Good luck.

Answer 6

It's called triangulation.
Happens all the time, especially among women.
When A has an issue with B, A will talk to C, rather than talk directly to B. Very common within families, where certain subjects are taboo.
The way to solve the issue, of course is for A to speak to B. But that can take a lifetime sometimes, such as topics like religion.
Tell you father that it is not helpful to you to hear him talk in that way.

Answer 7

I have the same problem and have since my dad remarried..I am really close to my mom and I told my dad that I loved him but i loved my mom to and she was a part of me as well as he was..I told him my mom never told me anything negative about him and whatever he said about my mom to me or in front of me was just like he was saying to me about me because she is a big part of who i am as well as he was..it was hard and awkward at first but he came around..I let him know that it wasn't a competition i didn't have to love him more or my mom more and that they both are a part of me..as far as my step mom i told her the same that my mom didn't know her and she didn't know my mom i told her that she may have replaced my mom in my dads life but that she never would in my life and that she could be another roll model or adult in my life and we could get along or if she kept "bashing" my mom in front of me I would visit my dad somewhere without her..I actually added a few chose words and told her my dad would always be in my life but she could decide if He'd always be in hers..now I am a step mom and I am close to my step kids and its all because i stood up for myself (and mom) and remembered how i felt when my step mom in to the picture..who is still in the picture and we tolerate each other and every once in a while we may even exchange a smile! good luck and be honest..

Answer 8

Your dad is a big boy,he can take it. And if what you say stuns him a little bit,it just might make him more aware of it the next time he's tempted to say anything unkind about your mother.
When my parents broke up, I went through the same thing. And all the people who bad mouthed my mother in front of me I never forgot what they said.

Answer 9

all the above replies are pretty much on he spot, my advice is to write him a letter and when you next leave his house [I am assuming you only visit here] but either way put what you have said here in writing WITHOUT the running down of the step mum part, [you are probably right but this will only annoy him] and ask him to please chat with you once he has read your letter.

He probably does know on some level that its not nice or right BUT has got in the habit of saying mean stuff about her so this is your chance to tell him.................and you KNOW he is going to show the letter to your step mum so she will also get the message but not in a nasty way.

Good luck.........have always tried not to run down the absent parent, not always managed it but have at least tried.

Answer 10

you need to set down and talk to your dad and let him know that is your mom and it hurts when his talks about her like he does and just tell him you know they have there differences but if he could keep them to him self and not in front of you .let him know you love him as well as your mom and you wouldn't allow your mom to talk bad about him and would appreciate it if he would do the same .